Page 4 | To not want to do anything after Christening

MagnaICe · 16/10/2025 15:55

HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2025 19:19

You need to feed and water the people who are attending at your behest.

Are you Orthodox btw ....they baptise that very early but boy, do they feast feed you too !!

You honestly sound mean for a christian

Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:01

Thatstheheatingon · 16/10/2025 15:40

I'm not wrong about baptisms being held in front of the church congregation though. That's nothing to do with it being a big or showy event. There's nothing more expensive about having it on a Sunday during the normal church service.
I can see how the baby is joining "the church" without the congregation there, but if you're talking about joining the actual local congregation then having them present certainly helps!
Perhaps it depends on the type of Christian denomination. Dh is a minister so I'm more familiar with his brand of Christianity.
(editing to add some googling suggests a private ceremony more common in the Catholic Church)

Edited

Personally with an 8 week old baby we prefer a private christening , have done with all of our children and Vicar has always offered this as an option.

Especially this time of year with people coughing, sneezing etc.

Also it’s very chilled if the need to breastfeed or one of my other children is being noisy etc.

We just like to do it that way and know others in the church that have also done the same.

There is no right or wrong way in my opinion, just personal preference.

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Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:03

Notonthestairs · 16/10/2025 08:37

What about suggesting that you have a get together later in the year.

Have the Christening now. Acknowledge that ordinarily there would be a small gathering afterwards but explain that you are shattered and postpone that element to Christmas/New Year.

Or just have tea and cake in one of side rooms. You can duck out early to breast feed etc.

A get together later in the year is a lovely idea thank you !

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Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:04

didgeridid · 16/10/2025 09:15

I've not been to a christening but I gather it's like any other ceremony and it's entirely up to you. If you don't want to do anything after don't. I would just let the people who are attending know that it's just the christening and nothing after. I don't see the issue :)

Thank you :)

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KatyaKabanova · 16/10/2025 16:06

Yes, that's a lovely idea, have a celebration later on, maybe after Easter when the weather's better and the baby is a bit older?

Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:06

KatyaKabanova · 16/10/2025 10:50

Yes, I really don't like the claims that it's boring, or something to be endured and the only point is a party. It's not that. It's to welcome your child as a member of your faith and your community of believers. I've been really honoured to be a Godparent. Standing up in a church isn't a problem for me! I think it's ok to have a Christening for it's own sake, which I think some people seem to have a problem with.

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Aww yes absolutely I think people thinking it’s really boring and such a trial have missed the point of the ceremony.

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TMMC1 · 16/10/2025 16:09

If you aren’t ready for it postponed the Christening. There is no rush to do so this young (unless there is a very religious aspect to this I’m unfamiliar with).

KookyRoseCrab · 16/10/2025 16:09

JoannaVictoria · 15/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 week old baby and I’m having her christened this weekend.

I’ve chosen two god parents , a friend who has a child in my son’s year at school and my uncle so it is a small gathering.

AIBU to not want to do anything afterwards and just go home to breastfeed?

I’m still quite tired generally and just feel the christening itself is enough.

I think this is more about you and how you feel, tired and helpless, you have just had a baby and that can be very tiring especially as you feel tired just now have tea and cake 🍰 and enjoy the moment

NoOneToCallWhenThePlaneLands · 16/10/2025 16:11

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:06

Aww yes absolutely I think people thinking it’s really boring and such a trial have missed the point of the ceremony.

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But if that’s the point then surely you’d also want to celebrate such a momentous occasion with the baby’s godparents? It’s having people over for a cup of tea and cake. If you really cannot hack that then you need to speak to your GP, because that isn’t normal 8 weeks after birth.

KookyRoseCrab · 16/10/2025 16:11

I would postpone it if you can or want too

Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 16/10/2025 16:28

NoOneToCallWhenThePlaneLands · 16/10/2025 16:11

But if that’s the point then surely you’d also want to celebrate such a momentous occasion with the baby’s godparents? It’s having people over for a cup of tea and cake. If you really cannot hack that then you need to speak to your GP, because that isn’t normal 8 weeks after birth.

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It’s actually my son with severe autism that cannot ‘hack that’ as you like to put it hence why he is being looked after at home by family for the actual christening.

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HandmadeNanna · 16/10/2025 18:15

JoannaVictoria · 15/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 week old baby and I’m having her christened this weekend.

I’ve chosen two god parents , a friend who has a child in my son’s year at school and my uncle so it is a small gathering.

AIBU to not want to do anything afterwards and just go home to breastfeed?

I’m still quite tired generally and just feel the christening itself is enough.

It's your party. Do it your way. Explain how you feel. If the others want to arrange a cake and a cuppa afterwards then an hour will be enough time and you can put your feet up while they do all the work. It's all about compromise, in the end.

madaboutpurple · 16/10/2025 19:34

Would you be able to book caterers as they would be able to handle anything. Just offer tea/coffee juice for drinks . I agree with other posters,it would be polite to offer guests something to eat.

Stillspotty · 16/10/2025 20:12

As your son won't be with you on the day, can you not got to a hotel/cafe with your other children and the godparents, for tea and cake? Or bring them back to your place, while leaving your son with his grandparents for another hour?

It would be fun for your kids, especially if you don't often get to go out to socialise as a family or have people back to the house.

Thatstheheatingon · 16/10/2025 20:16

Is there no way your other son could come to the church, then your family member could come to? Everyone should be welcome in the church and it's a small gathering.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 21:21

If you’ll be tired after, could you perhaps do a coffee and cake with the godparents first?

amispeakingintongues · 16/10/2025 21:40

OP you don’t have to do anything. Many people christen their babies just for the party afterwards which imo is crass so they won’t understand that the spiritual symbolism is the most important thing, and surely your close family will agree and won’t be grumpy with you for not giving them cake! I would maybe send a gesture of thanks to the godparents - like a card or something and give out at the end. And go home 🤗

ViolaChomp · 16/10/2025 22:49

Cups of tea and a cake in the church afterwards? That's all we did

Original poster

JoannaVictoria · 17/10/2025 02:44

amispeakingintongues · 16/10/2025 21:40

OP you don’t have to do anything. Many people christen their babies just for the party afterwards which imo is crass so they won’t understand that the spiritual symbolism is the most important thing, and surely your close family will agree and won’t be grumpy with you for not giving them cake! I would maybe send a gesture of thanks to the godparents - like a card or something and give out at the end. And go home 🤗

You are so right thank you x

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JMSA · 17/10/2025 03:39

No meal or anything? Literally just the church?
Yeah, this won’t go down well with your guests 😁

JMSA · 17/10/2025 03:41

HandmadeNanna · 16/10/2025 18:15

It's your party. Do it your way. Explain how you feel. If the others want to arrange a cake and a cuppa afterwards then an hour will be enough time and you can put your feet up while they do all the work. It's all about compromise, in the end.

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Some party! 😳

Tourmalines · 17/10/2025 03:53

JMSA · 17/10/2025 03:41

Some party! 😳

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lol . Actually, I’m not sure why OP has even bothered coming on this forum to ask if she’s been unreasonable. Her mind is strictly made up and she doesn’t take any interest in what other people say who says she is ,so I don’t know what the point is. Of course, there really is no right or wrong,she should do what she wants but then why ask .

WutheringBites · 17/10/2025 04:00

It’s lovely to have faith and want baby to be christened. And I’m guessing that your very small group attending are all close enough to understand how you’re doing/challenges at home/etc? I do think it’d be nice to do a cup of tea and some cake/biscuits, mind (unless there’s something else like baby is ill)
so the query is; is it the venue that’s the issue or the time or something else? I understand it’s a bit of a faff, but can anyone else help you?

SomeConstellation · 17/10/2025 05:31

So what are you asking? You don’t want to organise a 20-minute tea and cake in the church, or have people back to your house because of your son, or go to lunch in a restaurant. So don’t?

Thatstheheatingon · 17/10/2025 11:35

OP you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Why you wouldn't want a cup of tea and a slice of cake with some of your favourite people in the world (your chosen godparents) is hard to understand though. You will be more comfortable going straight home - but the fact you're asking suggests you are worried about how it will look to your 3 guests, and it will look strange.
So the decision isn't just "do what you want", but "do what you want and accept others will find it inhospitable". Up to you whether you think that is a price worth paying or not.