To not want to do anything after Christening

[JoannaVictoria]

I have an 8 week old baby and I’m having her christened this weekend.

I’ve chosen two god parents , a friend who has a child in my son’s year at school and my uncle so it is a small gathering.

AIBU to not want to do anything afterwards and just go home to breastfeed?

I’m still quite tired generally and just feel the christening itself is enough.

You should offer tea and cake at home or if the christening is part of the normal church service all go to the parish hall etc for tea and cake afterwards - you should buy a cake for everyone to share.

Can you not do something at the back of the church, like offer cakes and tea/ soft drinks?
My sister did a meal at a local restaurant after her little ones baptism, it was also outside of normal service, so was nice and small

Your updates suggest that there is a lot going on for you and your family, and that if the religious part is the most important bit than a quick baptism might be the best choice for you all, especially considering SEN needs. In which case just communicate that to the godparents and the close folk who will be there - who will presumably know about all of the restrictions you’ve described, as they will know your kids anyway and will understand?

For many folk in society the service is less important than the gathering, so if your anxiety is coming from that place and your real issue is social pressure v your belief in God/your church then it sounds like you need to release the social pressure and just get your child baptised as you see fit. But also don’t put too much pressure on non-religious or childfree folk to turn up for 20 mins standing in a cold church on a Sunday 😊

I would have great difficulty in not providing hospitality.

However, with your family parameters, I would give each Godparent a nice thank you card and include a decent voucher to a local cafe.

In general when you expect something of other people like to participate in a Christening or attend a wedding ceremony it's rude not to reciprocate with some sort of hospitality. Do something simple like tea and cake at least.

Really depends on how many people are coming and how far/how much effort it’s taking. If everyone is within 30 minutes then nothing is more acceptable - I would buy cake boxes and make little thank you notices and hand them out as people leave, ideal for just a few. For larger numbers I’d see if you can use the church hall for an hour for tea and cake

I thought (obviously wrongly!) that baptisms were part of the Sunday service, to welcome the baby into the church community. As you're regular church goers, wouldn't that be the normal time to do it?

It's doesn't really sound like you're feeling up to doing this OP.

Agree with this, I think regardless of the circumstances it would be rude not to do something very simple.

Whether the christening is part or the usual service depends on the individual church I think.

I agree with others than tea and cake with the godparents (and anyone you’ve actually invited) afterwards is fine.

Or for my DS’s baptism we actually had the gathering at our house before the baptism, and people went home afterwards. Because the baptism was late afternoon and we didn’t want an evening do with a 5 month old and a 5 year old. Worked really well. Also hoovered up anyone who was running late, which meant no one was late to the actual service.

Does the church have a hall where you can do a quick tea and cake afterwards?

It should always be an option. Some people like it as a separate ceremony which always seems a bit sad to me to miss the wider community aspect of it. Where we were living when DC were little they always made a big deal of it with specific music for the procession to the font in the middle of the usual Sunday morning.

DD was baptise by the Bishop as it happened to be the week he was visiting and he was really excited, said it was ages since he'd got to do a baptism.

My experience of family events like this is that a lot of people enjoy them because they get the chance to catch up with relatives they rarely see. Why not just offer tea and cake, and those who want to can move on to a pub afterwards?

Can you ask your DH/ the godparents/ in-laws to organise a tea party? Then you can go and breastfeed and join them later.

YABU. You’re taking up people’s time to go to an incredibly boring church service, but can’t even celebrate with them after,

We had a dedication/thanksgiving service for my ds1 when he was 6 weeks old. It was a nightmare to be honest and much too soon. I picked the songs and his outfit but that was it, my MIL and DH did the food and inviting people etc as i was exhausted and had PND. My MIL invited so many people and it was just so overwhelming.

All my other dc were 3-4 months old at their dedications and it was much easier. And i was in control of the guest list so kept it small and low key.

You do need to do some kind of catering though, even if it's just a cup of tea and a piece of asda traybake.

@ComtesseDeSpair I suspect that mingle and chat might include WTF is wrong with OP.

@JoannaVictoria are you ok? I know that is often asked sarcastically here but I’m sincere. It seems such an odd and churlish thing to do. I wonder if you might have PND to some degree. If not I’d give some more thought to being so dismissive of people you are asking something so important from

Agree with others about tea and cake at the church as a minimum. It’s just a bit joyless not to mark a special moment in your child’s life with a small celebration. Did you do anything for other children? Perhaps this child will wonder why their christening wasn’t celebrated in a similar way? The whole thing could be 90mins? Can appreciate the newborn tiredness but I don’t think that’s a huge ask as a one off life event.

Let everyone know that there's nothing afterwards and they'll make their own plans for lunch.

I think given your update the best thing to do is to get help. The church will likely have an urn/kettle and cups to make tea.

Ask one or two people to make hot drinks and someone else to bring some cake and napkins from a local shop or supermarket. If you can find people who will clear up after then you yourself can stick around for 20 minutes/half an hour and then go home to rest with baby.

I doubt any of your guests will mind pitching in especially when you clearly have a lot on your plate. But I do think it’s an important part of the occasion.

We went to a christening quite a few years back.
We travelled over 6 hours to get there with our 2 young children. ( pre primary school) the day before. They offered for us to stay the night with them.
There were 6 adults and 3 kids.
They put 2 pizzas in the oven and had some rocket salad to go with it.
Next morning there was no breakfast. I managed to find some toast for the children. After the christening we went back to their house and they had 1 sharing platter of antipasti. 🤣 we left early afternoon and dropped by at mc Donald's on our way to the motorway!
We used to joke about it for years!
I think a sandwich platter and some cake and tea/coffee at your afterwards would be lovely. Husband can always entertain/sort it!
Just read your previous post...tea and cake at the church? Most churches have a room for this?

Tea and cake at home, and if you’re tired, ask DH or a guest to serve it.

I was going to suggest this as well. Extra donation to the church for use of kitchen etc.
We didn't do a 'party' after our ds christening although lots of our family have.