To not want to do anything after Christening

[JoannaVictoria]

I have an 8 week old baby and I’m having her christened this weekend.

I’ve chosen two god parents , a friend who has a child in my son’s year at school and my uncle so it is a small gathering.

AIBU to not want to do anything afterwards and just go home to breastfeed?

I’m still quite tired generally and just feel the christening itself is enough.

What about suggesting that you have a get together later in the year.

Have the Christening now. Acknowledge that ordinarily there would be a small gathering afterwards but explain that you are shattered and postpone that element to Christmas/New Year.

Or just have tea and cake in one of side rooms. You can duck out early to breast feed etc.

Ok, that does change things. I understand it because I'm RC and we always have Baptism soon after birth. I was Baptised when I was a week old! I think other denominations leave it until later and have a party, which is fine.
Just tell everyone that this is just a Christening at the church and there is no after party.

You are being unreasonable, you are expecting two adults to travel to a church and stand up through a christening , give the service their full attention, and commit to caring emotionally and spiritually for your child . Yet you can’t even offer them a cup of tea or a lousy piece of cake.

I've not been to a christening but I gather it's like any other ceremony and it's entirely up to you. If you don't want to do anything after don't. I would just let the people who are attending know that it's just the christening and nothing after. I don't see the issue :)

No. They’re a lot more tedious and after any other ceremony you’re promised a celebration!

Thank you , yes it is as you say the social pressure.

You are totally right about the service being less important than the gathering with people.

My own parents are looking after my son with autism at home so it’s just us parents, our other children, my Uncle and my friend, her husband and her little girl, so literally only who needs to be there.

We have cards and a small gift for the godparents and the little girl attending.

:)

I think if you're expecting people to give up the best chunk of a weekend day to attend a Christening, the very least you can do is provide a bit of food and drink afterwards.
I'm afraid I'd look a bit askance if I was sent packing immediately after the service!

That’s a lovely idea to hand something out.

It is just my Uncle and my friend , her husband and their child attending.

Literally only who has to be there godparent wise.

Thank you

it’s so nice you get the importance of it.

Yes, I really don't like the claims that it's boring, or something to be endured and the only point is a party. It's not that. It's to welcome your child as a member of your faith and your community of believers. I've been really honoured to be a Godparent. Standing up in a church isn't a problem for me! I think it's ok to have a Christening for it's own sake, which I think some people seem to have a problem with.

Well, to you they might be tedious, but to others it's a special affirmation of faith and being welcomed into a community of believers.

What @KatyaKabanova said.

There's only going to be 3 other people there, it's not a welcome into a community really!

Well it is actually as we are part of that particular church.
My kids attend Sunday school weekly and are at the local school which has connections to the church.
We know the vicar so well he randomly knocks our door and pops in for a coffee.
We have just chosen to have a small christening with us and the godparents as we prefer that.

That's a bit abstract. The congregation won't be there to see the baptism. That's what I meant.
Since it's such a small gathering of people you are very close to, it seems even stranger not to offer a cup of tea after the event.

Is this really the issue though? Or is it a broader issue of being exhausted and needing some support.

Yes it is.
That's what a Christening is, no matter how many witnesses.

That's fine, that's your choice. Your child will still be welcomed to the community. I like the idea that you give the Godparents/witnesses a small gift. Nice idea.

it sounds very strange. Why not just wait and have more people there

She doesn't want to wait and she obviously doesn't want a big event.

I thought churches generally discouraged private christenings, as it is something for the congregation to be involved in.

No, it's not "private" because there are witnesses. Just as there are very low key church weddings, with just a very small number of people, just to witness. It's a personal choice. Many people don't want big, expensive events, they just want the sacrament.

I'm not wrong about baptisms being held in front of the church congregation though. That's nothing to do with it being a big or showy event. There's nothing more expensive about having it on a Sunday during the normal church service.
I can see how the baby is joining "the church" without the congregation there, but if you're talking about joining the actual local congregation then having them present certainly helps!
Perhaps it depends on the type of Christian denomination. Dh is a minister so I'm more familiar with his brand of Christianity.
(editing to add some googling suggests a private ceremony more common in the Catholic Church)

I think the proper way is a cup of tea, sandwiches and cake at your house. The big doo with guests dressed up leaving nothing to the imagination and heavy drinking in the pub afterwards is just crass.

Yes, denominations do vary. The low key Baptisms in the RC church are to do with infant mortality, and traditionally higher rates in that community, so you'd have the baby Baptised as soon as possible.