The most important decision a woman will ever make is

[Bottlefall]

Who the father of her children will be.

I'd love to think it isn't true, but it is. Who the mother of a man's children is important, but it doesn't impact every aspect of their life, career, health, financial situation in the same way.

or: do I have that calming tea to help me sleep before bed so that I wake up multiple times to pee and not being able to sleep? Or not have the tea and not sleep anyway?

I would probably agree with this. Choosing the person who will join you in your lifelong (hopefully!) team of two, will have a huge impact on happiness, health and wellbeing.

But I agree, if you plan to have children, you should think is this someone who will make a good, calm and caring, parent?

And related to this, would I be happy to have a child with 50% of his genes and 50% mine. Discovering he is a third cousin or has a history of addiction (even if now under long-term control) would be a red flag for me here.

Increasingly I believe we have overestimated the influence of nurture (barring the terrible damage from truly inadequate parenting) and underestimated how important nature is.

A child isn't clay to be freely modelled by her parents. She is more a type of very valuable and precious plant, that can be nurtured to become strong, thriving and healthy. An acorn won't become a rose bush. Anymore, than a rose off-cutting can grow into an oak tree. I'm not sure if that is more disappointing or somewhat of a relief!

I think it's actually deciding to believe in yourself.

I see so many women who don't believe in themselves and then fall prey to being taken advantage of by family, friends, work and others.

If we can believe in ourselves then we can find the strength to get through a great deal, whether having kids or not, by choice or not, whether we work, whether we leave our job/partner/shitty situation, and whether to ask for or accept help.

We don't always know that the man who fathers our children is a good man, even if we believe he is, and we don't always get to choose the father or to choose motherhood. But if we decide to believe in ourselves, we can get through whatever else happens.

Given its women who carry the burden of pregnancy, perhaps we should all stop having sex

She didn’t mean impact on those aspects of the child’s life. She meant the mother of his children doesn’t necessarily have a huge impact on those areas of the man’s life.

It doesn't mitigate the fear and anxiety of having to send your child to a volatile father who has court ordered child arrangements.

Only a cursory glance at the relationships board offers a wealth of examples of how money only knocks the edges off the misery an unsuitable father brings.

Wait…you one or the other? Live free and gorge!

Yep.

This!

I think for some it absolutely can be, can be life-defining/ruining/ending or life affirming/making. For other people, other decisions will be far more critical. One size doesn’t fit all in terms of life decisions, but I do think it’s up there in importance and we don’t tell are daughters enough how critical it is.

Or fall back asleep and wet yourself...

The best thing for choosing a father to your kids is to choose a kind and loving man.

All else is froth on the coffee.

Sometimes that isn't a decision we make though. At least for those who don't have children.

For those who choose to have children yes I wholeheartedly agree.

Many people don't get to choose whether to have children with someone or not.

I'd say the main things people have to consider is

• how to maintain their own mental and physical health
• how to maintain the mental and physical health of any dependents

Sorry @Upstartledbeen there too so I do understand this but money/career still = choices/SHL. (Shit hot lawyer)

It’s who they marry / choose to spend their life with .

Don’t forget the chips on the side !

If you re read the post you’ll see the OP never said that at all

🤣

I'd say it's how she is going to maintain her financial independence.

She can do what she likes with that freedom.

What a weird thing to think.

No, sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like I was in that situation. Just that I've seen it again and again on MN and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Economic viability and independence.

😂