Would this age gap bother you?

[SoManySock]

DD is 17, 18 in a couple of months. She’s in y13.
Her new boyfriend is 19 and has left school.

We don’t know him although have met him a couple of times. Keen to know more so we’ve invited him for lunch in a. Couple of weeks.

DS (20) is absolutely horrified by all this and says the age gap is too big and we should be laying down the law.

Don’t know what to think. It doesn’t seem that big a gap to me, although of course the gap between being at school and not is significant. They only see each other at weekends as live in different towns.

Am I being really slack?

I might be a LITTLE concerned about one at school and one not. What does he do?

Brother needs to butt out

Does brother know something and is using the age gap as an excuse?

Does your son know or think he knows something else about the boyfriend? The age gap is a non-starter but might be the thing he feels able to talk about.

Yes, his sister is entitled to privacy for her love life but if the brother moves in social circles where he knows the boyfriend he's not unreasonable to share his knowledge.

The age gap wouldn't bother me in the slightest. What I do wonder is whether this is an innocuous protective brother thing, or if your DS is one of a growing number of young men with very strong opinions on young women's behaviour and choices. If you suspect the latter then keep a close eye on this.

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But that’s often the case when one is in the final year at school

I'd be more worried about your son and his disordered thinking. Are there other signs?

He’s left school, presumably has a job, is legally allowed to drink etc. what does he do? Pick her up in her school uniform? It’s definitely a bit weird!

18 months older. That isn't an age gap.

No, 18 months is a perfectly fine age gap; and it isn’t up to your DS to police his sister’s relationship.

I guess DS doesn't want to think about his little sister having the same kind of love life (sex life) as he does, and he assumes a guy only a year younger than himself will behave as he does. It's none of his business. He is trying to insert himself into both his sister's and his mother's lives.

Year 13 is upper sixth. They don't wear school uniform in 99.9% of schools.

He's 2 years older 😂

I thought you were gonna say he was 50 or something

The lunch is very cringe

And believe me, your ds (20) isn't horrified

In Scotland we wear school uniform until we leave at the end of sixth year 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wore a blazer and tie to school until I was 18.

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. Does DS know the BF? Maybe he has other reason to be against the relationship but doesn't want to share.

Sounds normal.

I think it is fine. That said when I was young - a lot of 15 year olds had 19 year old+ boyfriends - and my radar is still a bit off. I am glad thinking has moved on a bit. Today's teenagers do seem to date within their year group much more.

Oh god. My barely a year older than me brother was like this. Put him back in his box. It’s none of his business.

So your DS would never consider dating a 19-year-old since thats a whole year younger than him? or do these weird standards only apply to his sister

Sounds perfectly normal, I would be cool and
relaxed with it

No, he's barely out of school himself. It's not the same as a 17 year old dating a 30 year old. A 30 year old has vastly more life experience and presumably a career etc. There is more of a power imbalance, and I can't imagine what a 30 year old would have in common with a secondary school student.

At 19 though he's still near enough in the same phase of life. It's fine.

Your DS is not horrified by the age gap. He is horrified by the thought of his sister having sex.

One year? What is the issue? Does he expect her to date someone whose mum was with you on the maternity ward?