To ask ‘how do people do it? Working, family, and keeping a clean home’ - I’m exhausted!

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

I honestly don’t know how people manage to juggle everything.
I work 4 days a week, school hours and term time only, and my husband works from home 5 days a week. His job’s in tech support for the hospitality industry, so even though he’s home, he’s often working long hours and has to jump on things at all hours if a problem crops up.

We’ve got one child, our 13-year-old daughter who’s ND, and I just feel like I’m constantly doing.
If I’m not at work, I’m doing housework. If I take one day off, the place looks like a bomb’s gone off. It’s only a 2-bed, 1-bath, but it somehow needs endless attention.

I find myself constantly thinking, “Right, I’ll do the kitchen tonight, then the hall and lounge tomorrow, then hoover and mop downstairs after that…”
There’s never a point where I feel “done”.

What’s really getting to me now is the mental exhaustion of it all, the constant background anxiety about the house looking messy or “behind”. I can’t seem to relax because I’m always thinking about what needs cleaning next. I want to be able to enjoy time with my family, actually switch off and do something nice together, but my brain just won’t stop listing chores.

How do people do it? How do you stay on top of the housework, work, and still find time (and energy!) to enjoy life?
Are there any routines or hacks that actually work, or do I just need to accept that something’s always got to give? 😅

Lower your standards!

I have a cleaner and I would happily give up things like coffees or lunches out to pay for her.

Well I was going to agree with you but I have much younger children . I would hope by the time they are teens I’d have more help. Everyone needs to tidy up after themselves and make sure you work together.
A few things to consider - 15 minute clean rounds between the two of you before bed. You can get loads done and downstairs should always be tidy then. Get things ready for day ahead. Make sure everyone participates. Clean as you go - after dinner everything into dishwasher, clothes go in laundry basket not on the floor, after a shower spray it down with cleaner and wipe off, clean the sink after doing your teeth
Extra gadgets - robot hoover, non iron clothes, online groceries etc

They don’t

you either work less, have a messy home or spend much less time with your kids

or you are rich and pay for help

If I’m being honest I’m surprised that you’re struggling so much when you work 4 days and have just 1 teenager. I thought you were going to say a couple of smaller kids and a dog or something. And your house has only 1 bog to clean!

We both just tidy as we go, we have minimal in the house in the first place and I’m very organised. 2 dc and I work mon-Fri all year round. I started a thread a while back with lots of useful ideas and tips.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/5401243-im-super-organised-and-my-house-is-always-tidyama?page=22&reply=147801842

Honestly low standards, husband that does his fair share and a cleaner.

I’m always curious on these threads if I just have incredibly low housekeeping standards because while sometimes it gets away from us a bit, it never feels like it’s overwhelming 😕

Both work f/t, DH out the house, me from home 4 days and only 1 in the office, teen a pre teen DC. Mornings after school run empty the dishwasher etc before logging on, washing gets hung or sorted at lunch break, hoover run round, maybe some quick shopping (we are fortunate to live right next to the shops). DH cooks dinner while I do other tidying, I wash up and tidy kitchen mid evening, that’s the daily
jobs done. Weekends see deep clean of kitchen and proper dust and hoover between other stuff, bathrooms generally done while showering. Every evening we get time to watch telly both with the kids and on our own.

I always wonder if we’re missing something cleaning wise that everyone else is doing…?

I'm the same as you. Mad tidy up if anyone comes round.

What housework do you feel you have to do every day?

By having lower standards for my house. It does get cluttered (not dirty) and if our bedsheets go a few extra days without being changed I’m not going to cry over it. Kids are old enough to help and are expected to chip in. I prioritise my kids homework/music practice/extracurriculars over housework and I’m happy with that choice. Some awesome people do both and hats off to them, some people outsource their cleaning, but I deal by being a bit scruffy and it works well for us.

also, get rid of stuff, having less crap around the house helps massively with keeping it clean!

With a 13 year old it really really really should not look like a bomb’s gone off if you don’t tidy for a day. As a bare minimum, tell her, and your husband, to sort it out, because if it genuinely looks a complete tip after one day, they (both or just one) are causing that because they just expect you to tidy it.

A smaller house with two adults and a teen should really not require much cleaning unless someone is taking the piss.

Really your 13 year old should be doing chores as well.

I can just about cope with the cleaning but the washing and ironing is a constant battle... we have 3 pets, 2 young children and both work full time.

I don’t. I have lower standards. Because my sanity and quality time with my family are more important. That’s it really!

I just don’t do it! I clean if it’s dirty but otherwise a kiss and a promise will do. Why run yourself ragged? Who cares?

I’ll be honest, I’m struggling here to see an acute struggle. 4 days a week, term time, school hours, with a partner who is WFH, and only one teenage child? Doesn’t seem that challenging.

DH and I both work full time out of the home and have 7yr old twins. Also pets and currently house renovation.

Not that it’s a race to the bottom, but I think more info is needed as to why you appear to struggle so much.

Only having one pre-teen and most of your time WFH will be helping with that schedule. I’d struggle to see how you can’t keep up with that situation.

Lower standards, get a cleaner and declutter.

Although DH and I work full time, have a 4 bed 3 bath house, toddler and baby on the way. Cleaner only does 2 hours per week but I don’t do much outside of this and find it manageable?

If you're in the house more it has more opportunities to get untidy/dirty. When we were all at home during COVID, some days the dishwasher was on 3 times.

If you're the kind of person who wants the kitchen to be clean every night then you're that kind of person, you are not going to suddenly lower your standards. I get up from eating dinner and leave my plate on the table and watch TV, I can't remember the last time I mopped the hallway floor (I just run the hoover over it) and I have never dusted anything except the TV in my life. But you can't transform into me!

wrong post.

OP said her DD is ND. She doesn't say what sort of ND, but it could be anything from disorganised and untidy ADHD to non-verbal and smearing poo on the walls ASD!

Do you have too much stuff? If a small house and too much clutter, it can feel like you’re never on top of it…

Also - it helps it everyone tidies as they go. Are your DH and DD doing this?

Honestly, you're sitting pretty with a teenager and a term time, part time job. It shouldn't be that hard, unless you're about to drip feed caring responsibilities, disability or something that makes things so much harder for you.

The toddler years are hard and relentless, working full time, with a £2k nursery bill and getting no sleep or having to juggle a job and school holidays with multiple primary school kids. What you describe is a far cry from exhausting.

If you find it that difficult to keep on top of them get a cleaner. How much do DD and your DH do? Both should be chipping in, but as you work so little the bulk of it should sit with you.

I felt like you until I developed routines. Automating every task so it becomes muscle memory. I’m halfway there but it’s liberating. My house is calm, efficient and very productive.

previously everything used to pile up and then I had to stress blitz.

now it’s just top up cleaning or specific things like skirting boards etc.

start by doing one thing fo 5 mins every morning and another for 5-10 mins every night.

You could have a wash on timer overnight to be ready in the morning so you put it out. Or 5 mins to sort a fold laundry on the morning as you would have put it out the night before.

do that every morning and night before or after you’ve brushed your teeth. Do it for as long as you can and soon you’ll be doing it without thinking.

the book Atomic habits is what changed me.

We both work full time, have a dog and a 2yr old and my house is nothing like it was pre-2yr old. I try and get bits done on wfh days like a load of washing in, and hung out on the line on a lunch break etc.On the weeks where I'm in the office 5days I fall so far behind. Especially when we then have busy weekends.
if you can get your daughter involved in tasks that can help but obviously depends on her SEN level, but things like putting washing away they should be able to help with. Don’t shoulder it alone!