To ask ‘how do people do it? Working, family, and keeping a clean home’ - I’m exhausted!

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

I honestly don’t know how people manage to juggle everything.
I work 4 days a week, school hours and term time only, and my husband works from home 5 days a week. His job’s in tech support for the hospitality industry, so even though he’s home, he’s often working long hours and has to jump on things at all hours if a problem crops up.

We’ve got one child, our 13-year-old daughter who’s ND, and I just feel like I’m constantly doing.
If I’m not at work, I’m doing housework. If I take one day off, the place looks like a bomb’s gone off. It’s only a 2-bed, 1-bath, but it somehow needs endless attention.

I find myself constantly thinking, “Right, I’ll do the kitchen tonight, then the hall and lounge tomorrow, then hoover and mop downstairs after that…”
There’s never a point where I feel “done”.

What’s really getting to me now is the mental exhaustion of it all, the constant background anxiety about the house looking messy or “behind”. I can’t seem to relax because I’m always thinking about what needs cleaning next. I want to be able to enjoy time with my family, actually switch off and do something nice together, but my brain just won’t stop listing chores.

How do people do it? How do you stay on top of the housework, work, and still find time (and energy!) to enjoy life?
Are there any routines or hacks that actually work, or do I just need to accept that something’s always got to give? 😅

We both work full time, one teenager, dogs and cats. Three bed, one bath house. It never feels overwhelming

Teenager does his own washing, his room, changing his bed sheets etc.
Bathroom gets done weekly, as does the hoovering. We don’t iron anything so that’s one job less. We are very minimal so there is hardly any stuff around to gather dust.

Youre possibly putting too much pressure on yourself, or the others in your house need to step up and do more.

Can you use your day off to do a thorough clean and tidy, then an hour each evening? Tbh that should be enough to keep it immaculate with 1 teen and a fairly small house?
Is the actual issue that you can't get into tidying and get distracted? If so maybe listening to a podcast whilst tidying would help you keep focused on it rather than getting bored and pausing lots?

I’m glad that works for you. I don’t know a single other person who can keep their washing under control only doing laundry once a week.

It works perfectly.
People who wash everyday ,do they need the clothes clean for the next day?
Or do they do it because it's there?
Daily laundry is busy work.
Washing things that don't need washing

This

Seems easy enough. I don’t wash every day, I do 2/3 a day over the weekend. However, it easily adds up to 6 loads, if it did it daily instead:

Bedding once a week
towels once a week
pet bedding once a week
2x dark/ multicoloured clothes wash
one white clothes/ other white wash

Who are these people that mop every day?

I work full time, I commute an hour each way to and from work and husband works away Monday to Friday. I have 3 DC at home (1 teen and 2 primary).

My hacks:

Everything has a place and everything gets put in its place immediately after use. So nothing gets untidy, ever.

Im too tired to prepare meals when I get home so I do some batch cooking at weekends and sometimes buy ready seasoned meat (e.g. Chinese pork chops / mango and lime chicken) which I can chuck in the air fryer when I get in. I by frozen veg and rice bags to go with it.

I have 5 sets of uniform which all get washed and ironed at the weekend so I don’t need to hunt for them or wash them in the week.

Hooks on backs of doors with uniforms / work clothes on them for efficiency in the morning.

Cleaning as we go, so might give the bath a spray and wipe down one night after baths or dust the tv and windows sills another day. I mop the house every evening before I go to bed.

Any major cleaning gets done at the weekend when husband is here. We usually get up early Saturday and blitz anything so we can relax and have family time the rest of the weekend. So Monday house always starts fresh clean and tidy and then it’s easy to keep on top of throughout the week.

The other thing is getting up an extra 45 minutes than Id need to get me and kids ready. This gives me time to put away any drying up from the previous night, enjoy a coffee without a rush, do 10 minutes low impact work out to wake me up and improve my energy levels.

I have it down to a fine art now but during the week I have very little down time and if I let anything slip it would be chaos. I cope by planning and routine basically!

I hope some of that helps. It’s not easy all the juggling we have to do as mums.

I have two primary-age children, am single, and work 37hrs over 4 days. The ONLY way I cope is to have a cleaner (although only once a fortnight 😢) and to have lowered my standards a fair bit. And a total meltdown every 2-3 months at the relentless grind of everything!

I do have to have the house in a generally ok state to be able to relax, but fully accept that a day out with the kids on a Saturday will often mean that the breakfast stuff gets cleared away at 8pm, and washing uniform happens on a Sunday and needs to go in the tumble dryer.

People who are on top of everything at all times either have staff, no kids or are good liars! (Thats what i tell myself anyway!)

I felt like this - constantly on the go and constantly feeling overwhelmed. Wondering how everyone else was keeping their sh!t together. I was diagnosed with ADHD. Taking medication has allowed me to lower my standards and it’s a great place to be!

We have a 3-bed semi and I only do as little housework as I can. Vacuum twice a week, wash the floor every fortnight, clean bathrooms on the weekend. There is always lots of washed laundry in the living room and the kitchen is never very clean, and we both work (from home), but kids come in after school and need to be taken to clubs, etc. and there is just never much time (and I still have to cook dinner!). So I'd rather watch a movie after they go to bed than clean.
Lower your standards. Nobody is ever going to give you a medal for a show home.

My cleaner comes weekly.
Our gardener comes monthly.
Life would be infinitely more tricky if we didn't outsource some of the stuff that needs doing. It clearly comes at a cost but it's one we think is worth it.

4 bed detached house here. I work 3 days and DH works shifts. Two children (14 and 7) Eldest is in charge of looking after their bedroom. Pocket money given when room is polished, hoovered and sheets changed. I'm starting to get the youngest to use the handheld vacuum to do the stairs, and to 'tidy' their room.

I do the bathrooms once a week. Laundry is done daily. Sometimes three loads a day in the summer when there's a good drying day. Having a laundry basket with different sections is great cos I can just grab an armful, without sorting.

I don't iron (only school uniform shirts on a Sunday). We've got a robot hoover to vacuum and mop the floors downstairs. I put the proper hoover round the living room twice a week. DH polishes and hoovers the house once a week.

There's never really a day off from it. Today I was going to have a lazy day, but ended up doing life admin.

I suppose we use a divide and conquer approach to chip away at it all. Whole house is never clean at the same time. I do tend to keep the livingroom neat so that there's one room we can go into and feel a sense of calm. The children have a lot of after school activities so evenings are busy. I don't do any cleaning in the evenings, only on weekends or days off. My house isn't the tidiest but it's definitely passable.

We have lower standards. 4 bed house, 3 bathrooms. We don’t use the en suite so no cleaning needed (intent is to sell soon so figured we’d try and keep it “good”). Both full time long hours high pressure jobs with one 16 yr old DC. Cleaning happens at weekends. Mad clean/tidy if anyone comes. People do comment on how tidy our house is but they generally only see after a mad clean. DH and I both clean/tidy but neither are obsessed.

We had a cleaner several yrs ago for a few months but was more stress than it was worth. Our house is clean enough - could be tidier. We have a big lovely kitchen and that normally distracts people’s attention so they don’t notice the rest.

I wish I worked your hours and only term time! I think you’re stressing too much. No-one really cares apart from you unless you are living in filth.

This might not go down too well and I know everyone has different standards etc but... I have 4 children. And I work 5 days a week. A four day week and one teenager sounds like an absolute walk in the park for me. A full day off while she's in school, surely that gives you plenty of time to clean the house considering the size of it? I have 5 bedrooms and 3 toilets and somehow we manage

Why on earth does the hoover need to come out 4 times a week? What is your dh polishing every weekend?

We keep our house tidy. We never go to bed without wiping down kitchen surfaces, plumping cushions, etc.

The cleaner does all vacuuming and hard floors, plus the bathrooms and mirrors, jlin three hours on Tuesdays, on Fridays she does 2 hours ironing and dusts.

Every six months she'll do an extra day to dust/vac lampshades, clean paintwork, pull furniture out, give kitchen cupboards a clean, etc.

A few years ago I’d have given you the answer but somewhere along the way I’ve realised I wasn’t doing the great job I thought I was and now I’m where you are but without the cheeriness. I love my job but also hate it. I’d love to quit. I was a sahm but although am better now at cleaning etc, most evening my body is so exhausted and so as you say there’s always so much else to get done and I never get to do anything to any sort of a standard. I feel for the kids the most, I think back to even pre being a sahm- I used to work ft but somehow at the weekends we still went places, I baked, they saw our extended family tons- now I work two days a week plus weekends so they’ve nothing

I have two 6 kids & 8, work 30h a week & spend 7 more commuting. DH works full time. Both in quite senior jobs. 4 bed house, 2 floofy cats.

1. robot hoover.
2. cleaner comes once a week 3h.
3. kids are required to help with chores - they make their beds & are expected to do some tidying in their bedrooms, and help load and unload dishwasher.
4. food shopping is delivered weekly. We meal plan, batch cook, are really organised the cooking generally. Both kids are learning how to help - they can peel potatoes and carrots & cut them, chop onions etc.
5. DH and I are a team. We each work at home 2d/week, whoever is it home runs laundry first thing before work & hangs it at lunch.
6. lower standards. My home is not a show home. It's clean, tidy/ neat but not insta-worthy - we go for low maintenance not trends.
7. kids are expected to tidy up whatever they've been playing with before supper
8. train kids to be independent & helpful at home. A family is a team, the earlier they learn to clean up after themselves, get their own drinks & snacks, feed pets, sort and put their own laundry away, the more time you all have to do more fun things together.

Who, in a home with 2 adults and a teenager, is causing the constant mess?

@NamechangeNightNurse if I didn’t wash my kids clothes daily they would be going back to school covered in all sorts of mud and chocolate stains

Lower standards, a cleaner that comes once a fortnight and a tidy/clean as we go approach so things don’t pile up. Also as we both work full time, my husband does his share. Housework feels like a lot less when it’s equal. We don’t really sit down each day until 9pm but we do make sure there’s time for a family meal at the table and playing and reading with the kids after dinner until bedtime, although I will usually potter and tidy bedrooms and out laundry away in that time.

To be honest, I was expecting you to have young children and be working full time but you mention your DD is neuromdiverse - does that prevent her doing some jobs (e.g her room to earn pocket money)/ does she been look7ngbafter on return from school?

in your shoes I’d just blitz it on your day off so you at least feel there’s a point in time shen it’s all clean I’d then spend 30 mins ish s day after work during the week, just doing a quick tidy, wipe down surfaces after dinner etc then I would have thought that a house that size would be perfectly manageable to maintain or am I missing something?

A few ground family rules may also be in order - e,g shoes away as soon as I , pick up afte4 yourself ecc.

Andvtge DD also. A 13 year old us old enough to do housework

Should be no problem with all 3 of you doing it

I’m a single parent and have been for many years. Yes lower standards is one. I always clean the kitchen, but hoovering gets done once a week, same for bathrooms. I did have my friend clean for me for a while, every 2wks. Sadly my friend died, and I didn’t want to get someone else. Plus I have a small place. Working full time, something has to give.

We have a toddler and both work full-time. We just clean as we go and do a bigger clean (mop and vacuum) at least once a week. I do laundry most days. We do a lot of things online including grocery shopping. I think it is just getting in a routine of doing something specific on whatever day of the week it is. It is a team effort though and chores split evenly between DH and I.