To ask ‘how do people do it? Working, family, and keeping a clean home’ - I’m exhausted!

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

I honestly don’t know how people manage to juggle everything.
I work 4 days a week, school hours and term time only, and my husband works from home 5 days a week. His job’s in tech support for the hospitality industry, so even though he’s home, he’s often working long hours and has to jump on things at all hours if a problem crops up.

We’ve got one child, our 13-year-old daughter who’s ND, and I just feel like I’m constantly doing.
If I’m not at work, I’m doing housework. If I take one day off, the place looks like a bomb’s gone off. It’s only a 2-bed, 1-bath, but it somehow needs endless attention.

I find myself constantly thinking, “Right, I’ll do the kitchen tonight, then the hall and lounge tomorrow, then hoover and mop downstairs after that…”
There’s never a point where I feel “done”.

What’s really getting to me now is the mental exhaustion of it all, the constant background anxiety about the house looking messy or “behind”. I can’t seem to relax because I’m always thinking about what needs cleaning next. I want to be able to enjoy time with my family, actually switch off and do something nice together, but my brain just won’t stop listing chores.

How do people do it? How do you stay on top of the housework, work, and still find time (and energy!) to enjoy life?
Are there any routines or hacks that actually work, or do I just need to accept that something’s always got to give? 😅

Could it be an anxiety problem rather than a cleaning problem ? I'm one who can't relax if the house isn't clean (ish) I feel agitated and worry that someone will turn up and judge me .

Are your standards very high? I work similar hours to you and dh ft out of the house. We have one teen dc and a dog. I do a few bits during the day if I’m at home the dh does a quick sweep when he gets in. I do all the cooking and dh will tidy afterwards. Dc takes care of their own room and does one small chore a day. At weekend we spend an hour or two cleaning then we chill the rest of the time.
how much cleaning is there to be done for 3 people?

By 13 mine all did their own washing and cleaning etc. No one leaves the kitchen before everything is tidy and put away.

This 👆

Depends on what you do. I’m a farmer and with two rugby playing children the idea of washing once a week makes my hair stand on end.

Work 5 days a Week, 2 kids, husband. No help from family with childcare. Never on top of cleaning.... how do o cope? I don't.

We have a weekly cleaner OP which is worth it for my sanity.

Honestly I don't know how people can have a messy house after 1 day when 3 people are in the house. You're all capable of tidying up behind you.

I work 4 days, not term time plus volunteer and keep ontop of a generally clean tidy house. H does his share esp when I'm busier.

Tbh I think you need to find something else to focus on. I won't look back on my life wishing I'd done more cleaning.

Forgot to say that I have a very fluffy cat so thats why the livingroom needs extra hoovering. I could make an extra cat with the amount of fur I empty out of the hoover. I can't complain as she brings so much joy.

I still don't get it. We have two of the bloody buggers. The sitting room has a blanket on the armchair and a throw on the sofa. Both washable. They get bunged in the washing machine twice a week. They have the run of the house so perhaps their floof is well spread.

You just have to get on and do it tbh. I think it sounds like you’ve got a relatively low maintenance set up. My husband works in London all week and leaves the house before 6am. I work full time, 2 days a week my commute is about 2 hours each way the rest wfh. We have 4 kids, one ND who schools from home. 4 toilets and 3 showers. It’s always clean and tidy here, the washing is always done. I don’t really understand why you can’t fit it in!

It is just me and two secondary school aged kids. I wfh full time so can do the laundry first thing. I do a little bit each day (ten mins) eg. Clean the shower, clean the sink, clean the downstairs loo. All only take ten mins and don't get that dirty in the first place.

I will say (and it is probably unhelpful) that not having another adult around lowers the amount of cleaning and tidying that needs to be done. Because it is easy to say that it's the kids making things untidy, but ime adults can be worse!

Also, I make sure that none of us leave random stuff lying around. All shoes go in the hallway, bowls and plates to the sink as soon as they're done with, all rubbish in bins straight away, clothes back to people's rooms, same with books/schoolwork etc.

When I had a teen I made him do quite a lot of it. Send them out into the world able to cook, clean and do laundry - you're doing them a favour.

Routines! I assign essential chores to specific days of week.

Eg Monday: change bedlinen, wash linen and towels.
Tuesday: dust ceilings downstairs then damp-dust all surfaces downstairs, wipe skirting boards, change blankets, clean and condition leather sofas, vacuum and mop downstairs
Wednesday: as above but for upstairs dusting/vacuuming. Laundry load or 2.
Thursday: clean bathrooms. Laundry load or 2.
Friday: clean kitchen (including crumb trays, cupboard fronts).
Saturday: groceries delivered, write up meal plan.

100 per cent this. If the whole house feels unmanageable, just focus on having one peaceful space for the time you need it most. E.g. tidy up the living room at the end of the day and relax in it and just block our the rest and appreciate that single, peaceful, organised room.

I do what I can, and if anyone has a problem with it, it's for them to pick up the rest. I'm only human, I have a limit.

Lower standards - dusting ceilings?!
Just keep on top of daily washing up/basic tidying in the week.
The one who works from home can do laundry in their tea breaks.
Do main cleaning at weekend or on your day off.
Are your DH/DD making more mess? They need to get with the plan.

I guess your idea of ‘essential’ and my idea of ‘essential’ are very different. Life is too short for dusting ceilings to ever be on a weekly to-do list.