To refuse to send my child to private school?

[libertybonds]

My emotionally abusive and status-obsessed ex wants to send our child to private school. Our child is very bright and we live in a nice area with well-regarded state schools.

He has a poor record of keeping a job, so the fees would almost certainly fall to me in time.

He has begun persuading / pressuring our child into wanting to go private, probably as a way of increasing pressure on me and also generally to bring them on side.

AIBU to say no, and stand firm?

I am morally opposed to private school and also I do not want to be stuck with the bill when my ex is sacked again.

There is no CAO. Court with my ex would be a hideous nightmare, so I would like to avoid. The financial order did not address school fees.

He sounds awful, I'd definitely hold firm.

If your child pushes under pressure from your ex, could you say something about the school days are longer in private and you thought he/she would prefer having time for (football club) or something in the evenings? Such a difficult situation you're in, I'm sorry

Dear Ex

Following your proposal that DC attends Hogwarts Academy I am concerned that were you to be unable to pay the fees, and I note your employment record, I would not be in a position to do so.

In view of this before we enter into any further discussion I suggest that you deposit a sum equivalent to 5 years fees at the current rates with a nominated solicitor to pay their fees.

Otherwise zip it

is he paying maintenance? Surely the answer to this is “if you can’t pay the money you already owe, how are you going to pay fees?”

Ok OP but a CAO can help mitigate some of the issues too! In the meantime I advise some grey rock.

Does he have parents that would pay if he couldn't? I would ask him and get in writing what his back up plan is if at any point he can't afford to pay. There may also be a problem that if he is paying the fees he may be the parent the school deals with about your child, you would want that clarified. If you don't want to do it just refuse and suggest he puts the money into a savings account in your child's name for their further education university fees, etc instead. A nice nest egg for when they are 18.

His parents won't be paying. They don't have any money.

He would never agree to a compromise of any kind. Everything has to be exactly his way or he makes life unbearable.