Things that look good in the movies but are probably shit IRL…

[Arlanymor]

I used to be SO envious of Catherine Zeta Jones’ bedroom in Splitting Heirs (remember that film?! It was awful, a failed attempt at farce). She had a narrow swimming pool that went around her bedroom and I used to think: “Wow - it would be so amazing to have a swim first thing in the morning and set yourself up for the day.” In reality, I bed the bedroom stunk of chlorine, it was probably a never-ending journey to keep heated and you’d probably only use it for a week and then get bored of the novelty… what else looks good in the movies but in reality probably just sucks?

Go to a pebble beach then 😈

I had an MX-5 for about 14 years. It came with an optional hard top, which we ended up keeping on for all but about 3 outings in that time. I loved driving the thing, but HATED having the top down. My hair is too short to really tie up properly, and long enough that it flailed all over and blinded me. No thanks.

@WaneyEdge wasn't it because it was Richard's favourite drink?

Simply existing in a house with beautiful white furnishings.

No accidental coffee spills on the couch, no chance of periods showing up and destroying the pristine bedding. It’s chic living with supernatural bleaching powers all at once!

Also, I’m another one who loves Splitting Heirs. And Staggered with Martin Clunes and Anna Chancellor 😍, did you ever see that one?

@SockQueen no, she orders it in the episode with Fun Bobby.

Seeing the Great Barrier Reef on film, or in books.
Amazing colours, crystal clear waters.
What a let down in real life. Snorkeling in water can barely see,

The coral is all the same boring sand colour.
spending $400 per person to go out on a ship to see it, rip off.

Can't remember which movie but having sex up against a fridge made me cringe.

I thought it was amazing! It needs to be protected and can't be randomly accessible, but what an experience when you get see it.

Maybe your ship took you to the wrong environment, but "same boring sand colour? is not my experience, nor what's on my photos.

The move to the city is fine because as you say being a loner is fine… it’s the Hallmark ‘move to a remote village and be welcomed in in about 4 seconds to endless fireside wine’n’cheese, knitting groups, family parties…be ESPECIALLY welcomed cos youre a bit different and from the city’

The reality: did your family live here for four generations? No? Blow-in. Dark side-eyes in the village post office. Are you perchance married to someone who was one of my husband’s four best mates from the rugby/football/cycling/GAA trip in 2001? No? Strike 2, resulting in permanent total invisibility at the school gate. Are you in any way Different from the extremely narrow perception we have of How to Live Correctly*? Over and out, might as well get the movers van to do a u turn and go home and get your dream rural cottage back on the market again, which you would have needed to do eventually as Bob’s cousin Jane always really wanted that house and was the underbidder which we won’t tell you but will all send you to Coventry for for one century or thereabouts…

*what ‘correctly’ is will vary from place to place but whatever it is will be RIGIDLY. ADHERED. TO.

PP beat me to it. Couple have earth shattering sex and fall asleep, seemingly naked apart from an underwired, lacy push up bra and intact make up that has stayed on throughout.

People ‘arranging’ to meet on the phone without saying where, when, other logistics, and without saying goodbye before hanging up the phone.

Yes, it looks so comfortable and cosy in a film.

The reality is a stiff back/neck/both, crumbs everywhere, spilt drinks and your laptop overheating because the duvet is blocking the fans.

When the grown up child pops home for a visit and their bedroom is exactly the same as if they left home when they were 16. I think you would use that room for something else in real life.

I’m offended on behalf of elephants. 🐘

This made me laugh. I once abandoned DH in B&Q after an argument over door handles. Drove home without him. Pregnancy hormones were involved. I did go back for him later. He was happy enough looking at drill bits and circular saws and hadn’t even noticed I’d gone.

many people don't, depends on the size of the house really, or if parents move at some point. Different to keep the bedroom, or to recreate it in a new house.

My partner reckons men will do anything for sex but agree with this as I had a 20 year age gap and when I reached his age when we met I was just knackered although we have the joy of peri/menopause.

And being woken up by heartburn (the kind that makes you wonder if you're having a heart attack) about an hour after you've gone to bed and fallen deeply asleep

(1)
Fantasy :Christmas Shopping in a CCF ( Cheesey Christmas Film)
Nice shops , lots of interesting trinkets and you find The Perfect Gift
Hot Chocolate
Snow
You're wearing a cute jumper and boots and a scarf'n'gloves

Reality: It is pissing down
The queues are awful and everyone is complaining
You stop to browse and someone tuts at you or barges past
At the till , trying to wrangle your bags (after two shops it gets annoying) , person behind you tuts because you have to search for your purse Yes because I'm not going to hold it in my hand , someone could pinch it
Thinking about going for a cup of coffee , massive queue
Take things back to the car , someone tries to have the parking space are you going ?
Or some wanker has parked so close you need a tin opener to get in.
Shops are hot /outside cold . So you sweat in your layers and step in a puddle so do the whole day with a wet sock

I agree. I was almost late for my own wedding because of Southern California traffic jams!

(2)
Egypt - in the films you waft up to the Pyramids in a warm breeze with your silk scarf billowing behind you.
It is exciting and vibrant like you are the first to discover these treasures .
Then you go back to your fragrant hotel for a delicious meal and discuss your day

Reality:
It is 40 degrees, dry and dusty
You want water and a pee at the same time
It is busy
You are pestered all direction
The camels are not majestic they are touted all round for photos
The donkeys are tragic , over worked , underfed
You go into the pyramid , it stinks
3 minutes then shifted out .
No matter how careful you are with food and only drink bottled water you will get The Lurgey .

And the second they have been stepped on amd they are brown, bruised and mushy on those crisp white sheets.

White/cream outfits. Wouldn’t make it to the front door without it getting something on it in real life.

Whilst stuck in traffic on the coach on the way back to the hotel, you watch a guy suddenly squat down by the side of the road and have a poo!

Someone should make a spoof movie, where:

no-one gets a parking space
the weather is awful, or at best drab
the sex is awkward / average / results in injury
Christmas starts in august and everyone is stressed / making-do
everyone wears normal clothes (not glamourous coast, hats, scarves, boots etc)
the DIY takes forever, and you run out of money (no 'cute' paint on nose allowed)
people actually finish their drinks, meals & phone-conversations!

I'm not 100% what the plot would be however 😆

😂I look like Robert Smith from the Cure if I do that

Darling! Hermès scarf and big sunglasses, PLEASE!