Things that look good in the movies but are probably shit IRL…

[Arlanymor]

I used to be SO envious of Catherine Zeta Jones’ bedroom in Splitting Heirs (remember that film?! It was awful, a failed attempt at farce). She had a narrow swimming pool that went around her bedroom and I used to think: “Wow - it would be so amazing to have a swim first thing in the morning and set yourself up for the day.” In reality, I bed the bedroom stunk of chlorine, it was probably a never-ending journey to keep heated and you’d probably only use it for a week and then get bored of the novelty… what else looks good in the movies but in reality probably just sucks?

Tbh, having had a natural birth it was pretty much like that. As I had big babies they were more like 3 months.

Also, snow.

On screen: rosy checked children, eyes alight with wonder, couples in matching hats walking hand in hand, laughing snowball fights, the world made magical.

In reality: two weeks of black ice coating the pavements and you daren't step outside for fear of doing yourself a mischief.

I loved mine but it leaked.

California
I am from there. When Brits asked me why I left, I ask them if they have ever been, the answer usually being no.
What is shown on TV is some iconic road, no traffic, presenter in a convertible, palm trees.
California- the reality, a whole lot of tarmac/parking lots, smog, drive thru everything (liquor stores, fast food joints, banks, you name it.) Heat, dust, desert.
HORRENDOUS TRAFFIC JAMS.
Joni Mitchell had it right

Every single aspect of dating a spy.

Washing your hair under a waterfall = getting sandblasted with surprisingly heavy very cold water with possible bonus dead sheep extract.

I have been to LA and I didn't like it! San Francisco was fun but that felt more like a typical walkable US city like Chicago or Boston.

I hired an open top car in America once.

fuck me, the wind is something else. Me and my DD literally had to plait our hair just so I could see to drive.

Completely agree. Also, snow in real life falls downwarns or, inevitably, is blown horribly in your face. In films it swirls around, even travelling upwards a lot of the time.

Crying in films never seems to involve a snotty nose, smeared mascara or a red and blotchy face, just a few tears gently falling down a perfectly made-up cheek.

Sounds like you tried it already 🤣, at least you can now laugh at those scenes instead of thinking, oh how romantic 😁

You’ve just described my life, not bored yet after seven years!

Drinking.

In the movies drinking is either the entire genre of the film and chaos ensues (Hangover) or, main character drinks wine or neat whiskey to their hearts content and goes on to perform brain surgery, fight crime, drive without killing anyone. Not get even getting slightly tipsy.

The reality is poor decision making and an anxiety inducing hangover after just two glasses of wine. Bonus merlot mustache if it’s red wine. Not one single film features the delivery of a questionable Vinted purchase 5-7 working days later.

Whisky on the rocks. I was so disappointed when I tried it.

This is making me want to start an alternative thread! Not sure how to phrase it though... lifestyles/things from the movies you'd most want in your life.

😬😂😂

New York.
Yup I said it, magical in Christmas films...busy, noisy, smelly, scammy, overpriced in real life.

To be fair, there are many different types of snow. Wetter snow isn't going to swirl up but the lighter and less moist stuff does.

😂😂😂😂😂

Packing your flat/house up to move:

TV/Films - lovely, stress free, bonding-at-times event, where everything fits in boxes neatly, and you have a very organised/labelled arrangement of boxes; as you leave, you pop the last couple of things - inevitably a book, photo album, or cushion - in an open box you’re carrying, whilst looking fondly around an empty room.

Reality - it’s as stressful as it comes; you start off trying to be organised, but in the end you have more boxes or bags labelled ‘various’ than anything else; arguments with other household members are plentiful and usually profanity filled; the only last minute thing you’re popping in a box is the kettle and tea bags; you’re left with an assortment of boxes - some with things sticking out, as there just isn’t a box the right shape or size for it - and even more bags with your belongings in, because frankly you lost the will to live and it was easier to chuck stuff in black sacks than hunt down yet more boxes. Oh, and you’re lucky if you get a backwards glance at the house you’re leaving, as the new owners have been chomping at the bit to get in and have left a not-subtle pile of their own shit by the front door in readiness.

Decorating a ramshackle house.

She's half way up a step ladder pregnant, dungarees, hair in a jaunty pony tail. He brings in tea and donuts, dabs paint on her nose with a brush, they laugh and embrace and dance to the radio whilst flicking paint at each other..

Reality = 24 months of suffocating dust and bickering in Wickes.

Yeah I set fire to my hair once 😂

Nightwear and bedding! All the gorgeous silk PJs are probably really sweaty and uncomfortable and get tangled round your legs and neck just like a Primark pair, but they look so gorgeous.

Likewise the bedding - big comfy pillows, massive beds, crisp sheets. In any movie it always looks like a lovely “clean sheets day” bed every single day, fragrant and perfect. You can keep all the cushions “dressing” the bed though.

And “American Mom” breakfasts - pancakes and bacon and coffee and maple syrup and freshly squeezed OJ and no one EVER eats them.

Sex in the shower. In reality it's absolutely rotten. Awkward, cramped, and labourious.

Coming downstairs to a table heaving with gorgeous pastries/fruit/yogurts/meats etc. I’m sure you get the drift. It looks fab but whenever I see that, I’m wondering how much it costs/who prepared it/who’s going to clear up!! And everyday??!!

Having your bed right up against the window, sleeping with the curtains and the window open.

Hearing every car that goes by. Awake at 4am, hearing every bird in the neighbourhood. Freezing cold.