Can't go on WhatsApp

[Cornetti26]

I have been in a relationship for just over 12 months and I am paranoid every time I go on WhatsApp because I will be questioned who I am messaging. For example I'm at home, it's late at night and I have messaged my bf goodnight, my DD has messaged after this and the following morning I'm questioned as to why I was up so late on WhatsApp. AIBU to think this is not normal.

End the relationship, you must know how toxic and unhealthy his behaviour is

This is controlling behaviour. If you feel able to OP, contact women's aid for a chat and look into the freedom programme.

When he said ‘who were you messaging after me, late at night?’ I would have said ‘My DD, and if that’s a problem for you, I suggest you fuck off.

I will not have my WhatsApp use monitored by a man.

Like others have said ‘get rid’. You’re already changing your behaviour to satisfy him. He’s sucking you in. Ditch him. You are allowed to message your DD late at night.

What's the plan then @Cornetti26

Are you planning to stay with this man?

I would implore you to get out of this situation now before he manages to wangle his way into your home

Make an exit plan, tell people (trusted family, friends and work colleagues), be direct when you end things, make sure you take any keys back, install a ring doorbell, take extra safety precautions but get this abusive bastard gone.

How would you feel if this was your DD's partner?

Although I see you were posting about this arsehole back in July and you're clearly still with him?

Your choices are clear. Dump him and be free or put up with his abusive, controlling shit until he completely ruins your life.

The choice is yours, make the right one.

So you’ve already got your answer.

I infer from your OP that you don’t live together, thank goodness, so hopefully you can dump him without too much fuss.
Well, of course he probably will fuss but you don’t need to give it any headspace. The more he fusses the more it confirms you’re right to ditch him. Don’t fall for love bombing or emotional blackmail.

So what? He's a shit boyfriend of a year, not a decent husband or partner.
What exactly at you holding onto him for?

So you posted back in July asking if you were being abused - though you’d been with him 18 months then - was told yes but you ignored all the advice, carried on with him and are now asking the same question again.

You'll get sane responses - what you do next is down to you

You're in danger. Did you know that controlling behaviour is more of a statistical indicator for murder than domestic violence?

You continue to be with someone who abuses you. Why?

@Cornetti26 Every single response on this thread has said he is controlling, and you need to dump him, so please do it TODAY.

And you are tolerating this for yourself because??

Hurrah for Mumsnet! Hopefully it will give OP, and maybe others in a similar situation, the courage she needs to walk away from this controlling relationship.

LTB but also turn off your online status off

Obviously get rid of him but you can turn of the last see time.

I was just going to say: I bet this the only way he’s trying to control you…

So what's next OP. Are you going to stick up for yourself or dump him?

Tell him you won't have him controlling who you talk to or do. If he doesn't like it the door is over there and he can fuck off out of your life.

Bloody hell, i can't believe you haven't ditched him already.

Got it in one.

This. It's controlling. It will get worse.

OP you need to start a thread in relationships and let us see what is going on and try and help you extract yourself from what will in time be potentially dangerous.

Do not continue with the relationship, get some advice on breaking up with a controlling partner, this is setting a terrible standard for your Daughter.

You don't have to be in a relationship with this man, you know. You really don't.

Thank you so much for posting this because actually despite my horror at OP I have definitely done the checking and panicking in the past. However like you I have not mentioned it as I would fully expect him to be repulsed and turned off by such insecurity. It was totally my issue, not to be inflicted on him.

I have a vague recollection of a couple of men saying something 'jokily' about where I've been, who I've been talking to in the early days. I only have vague recollections as even a hint of that and I was out.

OP how have you stayed with this man? Don't give me anymore of your time.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩run

He would definitely say I was trying to hide something if I did that