PIL have not visited our new house

[NoOneVisiting]

DP and I have just bought our first house together (he already owned one) and moved in back in June. We lived 30mins away from MIL and FIL, they helped us move in but they have not visited once since. We dont have children.

They bought DBIL and SIL a house years ago to live in but they have also recently moved into a bigger house, and now PIIL house is sitting empty and is need in load of renovations/repairs due to wear and tear. MIL does childcare for their two daughters at least two times per week, and when she's not there they are renovating/repairing the old house to get it on the market as BIL and SIL are not lifting a finger even though SIL and BIL only have to pay back the deposit.

PIL say they dont have time to visit as their days are consumed by childcare and renovations / repairs. SIL doesnt work so its not like there will be consequences if MIL cant look after the kids once. PIL dont make any financial gain from the house either, so they could walk away at any time.

I know BIL is their son and they want to support him but they also have another son, who quite frankly appears to be neglected while MIL runs round after her golden boy. We saved for our own house, have put up our decorations, bought some new furniture etc, we would love PIL to see it. AIBU to think PIL could at least make it round for a cuppa if they can spend hours running round after he other son?

Why don't you two visit them, though? The venue is unimportant.

It is important when it is their new house!!

Sounds most hurtful and unbalanced .

We go and visit them most weeks, but it would be nice for them to come and see us - what we have achieved without any hand outs.

Have you actually invited them? Come over for Sunday lunch, you’ve been working so hard, let us look after you for a couple of hours!

Meow!

Yes, months ago we invited them over for dinner to say thanks and left a standing invitation. We are not really an invitation type of family. In our old house, MIL would pop in for a cuppa in the weekend when she was in the neighbourhood but that never happens.

Full disclosure I am slightly bitter (if that is what you are iimplying), but I wouldnt be bitter if they bothered to come and visit.

Well given your attitude to them in this post I can see why they haven't come and visited you. You clearly don't really like them you just want to show off.

You don’t seem to like them. Maybe they’ve picked up on your disapproval and are keeping it low contact.

So invite them.

Hi PIL, it would be so lovely if you could come over for dinner next Saturday night! I know youre busy but why not come to us for the evening and let us make you dinner and we can have good catch up!

If they refuse after that, then stop chasing.

My mother have never visited my house and lives minutes away.
Some parents aren’t interested.

FWIW I actually have a good relationship with them, I went on holiday with my mum for nearly a fortnight and in that time PIL never came over to visit DP so surely it cant just be me

You can't make them be the parents-in-law you wish they were, however much you want to.

You can only live your own life. Enjoy your home, make the most of the work you've put in to decorate it. Enjoy your own mum, your husband and your own life. Put them out of your mind and concentrate on the positive things and things you can change.

But OP says that she would like PIL to see new house....

It sounds like they're pretty busy.
Houses don't do well when they're unoccupied, so it makes perfect sense of them to try and move on that as fast as possible. Especially if it wasn't in great nick to start with.
Perhaps in their minds, they've already "seen the house" because they helped you move in?

Also, have you actually used your words and invited them? "Hi PIL, we've pretty much finished getting our house up and running now! We'd love to have you round for lunch next weekend, so we can show off a bit!"

Call a spade a spade. You DO want to show off the new house, so be honest!

OP your post comes across as angry and judgemental.

Whether your ''bitterness'' is justified or not, your PIL probably have picked up on the fact that you don't think highly of them and prefer staying away.

Frankly I would just get on with your life and enjoy your new home rather than focusing too much on them.

Hold on I think you're getting a hard time here OP. There is clearly a golden child and your DH isn't it.
They bought their other son a house, do his childcare and are running around trying to get that house sorted for sale as golden boy left it in a state not fit to sell. Their other son has done it all by himself and they can't even be bothered to pop round for a cup of tea and see his new house, even though he visits them every week without any demands of them.
If my PIL treated DH like that I'd be upset on his behalf too OP.
Ultimately though you can't change the dynamic, I'd invite them again for a specific date and then give up.

Surely it’s about spending time catching up with them, not to try and make a point by showing off your house? Why waste your time and energy being bitter, it will show even if you think you’re hiding it.

We have recently had close family members come and stay . Ok it was a move of over 150 miles from our home town ( for work ) but we moved over 10 years ago !

I agree with you, in that it seems strange. Something not said, is there some dislike of where you live, as a thought?

Leave your PIL to have the relationship they want with their son and let your partner deal with it. Not you. You don’t have kids. The financial support they gave their other son doesn’t concern you. Focus on enjoying your life and taking your eye off your partner’s parents, and BIL and his partner. It’s making you unhappy.

I agree with other posters that OP's DH is not the favoured child. It seems unfair to give one child such large financial contributions towards their house and absolutely nothing to the other child. If I were OP's DH, I would be quite bitter about that. They also provide lots of childcare for a SIL that doesn't go out to work.

@NoOneVisiting If you are planning to have children, I wouldn't expect any childcare help from your PILs as their largesse only seems to apply to your DH's brother's family.

If your BIL is the golden child with the added bonus of producing the first born Grand Kids the scene has already been set.

Personally I would let them get on with it and accept you and DH plus any future kids will all play second fiddle. Let DH build a lovely relationship with your side of the family.

That's kind of how it was for us as MIL only had sons and the one DIL who produced girls was the be all and end all. (Same son and DIL and Grand kids that run for the hills as soon as MiL need help after a dementia diagnosis).

Or is it that she doesn’t like them ignoring her partner in favour of his brother?

Are you married? You talk about your DP but then MIL. If you're not married it may just be that they are old fashioned and won't buy your DP a house until he is married. But it's weird they came to his old house but not the one he has bought with you.

The overall picture of your DP's brother being treated better than him is very frustrating and I can see why you are getting annoyed about it on his behalf. Is he bothered? These patterns are set in childhood, and sometimes the sibling don't see it (or don't want to see it). You can't change things and if you want to maintain a relationship you probably have to accept it and plan accordingly.