PIL have not visited our new house

[NoOneVisiting]

DP and I have just bought our first house together (he already owned one) and moved in back in June. We lived 30mins away from MIL and FIL, they helped us move in but they have not visited once since. We dont have children.

They bought DBIL and SIL a house years ago to live in but they have also recently moved into a bigger house, and now PIIL house is sitting empty and is need in load of renovations/repairs due to wear and tear. MIL does childcare for their two daughters at least two times per week, and when she's not there they are renovating/repairing the old house to get it on the market as BIL and SIL are not lifting a finger even though SIL and BIL only have to pay back the deposit.

PIL say they dont have time to visit as their days are consumed by childcare and renovations / repairs. SIL doesnt work so its not like there will be consequences if MIL cant look after the kids once. PIL dont make any financial gain from the house either, so they could walk away at any time.

I know BIL is their son and they want to support him but they also have another son, who quite frankly appears to be neglected while MIL runs round after her golden boy. We saved for our own house, have put up our decorations, bought some new furniture etc, we would love PIL to see it. AIBU to think PIL could at least make it round for a cuppa if they can spend hours running round after he other son?

It sounds like in laws loaned bil deposit and now he is paying it back. It is non of your business. They may have put money aside for your husband. It could be that they feel you are only with your husband because you thought they would buy you a house in which case I can see why they don’t wish to see you.

Maybe parents in law are people pleasing other DIL or else she won't get to see the grandkids. ( consequences)Then they exhausted by the end of the week. So instead of learning to say no they bending over backwards to " help". So throw a vibing get-together and knowing they won't visit get your friends husband'sfriends / family to come en masse.

No it’s not you it’s your dh he’s not a priority once golden child needs them the other siblings become irrelevant unfortunately. just go there less let them get on with it. If they ever need any help or care just let the family they see all the time do it all. Honestly never understand why parents do this to there other kids. Live your life and I get your bitterness it’s you being protective of your dh.

Your spouse and you invite them out close to where they live to brunch or dinner. Bring photos of your home because they don't have enough time to come see it but you wanted them to be close to you and your husband, too. Tell them you hope some day their schedules clear out enough for a visit. Then shut up about that subject. Talk about other things. The message will have been delivered. If it goes well, do it again, and again, the next two times without the house photos, and on the third date with your in-laws offer to pick them up and drive them your place and drive them back for a meal.

Get the point!!!

This is a nasty comment.
Your dp already owned a house prior to this one, it's probably not a big deal to his parents that he bought another.

This. You won’t change them, you might as well give up being disappointed.

Harsh.
There seems to be favourite siblings which OP is noticing and it hurts her a bit.
Just sounds perfectly normal response to me, but important to move on with their own lives and not dwell on it.

If it bothers her DH, then it’s up to him to address it, surely?

This

Why do you care about your PIL? Life is fraught with issues but PIL not caring is such a non-event! If it were your own parents, I'd get the upset but surely this is your partner's cross to bear?

Now that your house is sorted why not offer to help them with their renovations?

So DHs parents didn't visit him in a fortnight?? Well that's not very long at all. How often do you expect visit? My dad visited me once in my house that I've lived in for 20 years before he died and mum visited about once a year. Both were under an hour away.wasnt any big deal

Sounds very unbalanced of them. I'm guessing your DH kind of shrugs it off, but you know he feels it? It hurts to see those we love treated unfairly and hurting and to feel impotent in the face of it.

I don't think there is much you can do about it though. Encourage DH to find his balance elsewhere. You and his friends, therapy, perhaps, if he's that sort of person. But you won't change them. You need to learn to accept it and not let it get to you too much.

I'd find it hard not to occasionally be a bit blunt with them though.

Well then, just set a date and invite them 🤦🏻‍♀️

Doesn't mean she won't be hurt by it, if only on his behalf. Most normal people are upset by a loved one being treated poorly.

No one ever visits us.

Since having my daughter I have had more visitors but as she has gotten older (3) it’s slowed down. The odd time we do and things have been said about not having a lot of cups or glasses etc. I’m just like “why when no one visits?”

I get why my mum struggles, she has bad anxiety but she does push herself to do it. In-laws visit every one but not us! That I don’t mind though as they irritate me.

It’s friends that don’t come that really bug me. We are always the one doing the visiting and it would just be nice if I got to stay home.

Well, if you don’t have enough cups or glasses to cater to visitors, surely it’s not hard to understand why people stay away?

Yeah you’re right. I had had visitors every week but they stopped coming because I only had 4 glasses 🙄

Use your brain for fuck sake!

It's sounds like they have a lot on their plates and are being pulled in every direction. Unless your partner is a child, he isn't being "neglected". Just let them get on with it. Maybe your partner can offer to cook them dinner and invite them over for some respite but your post just sounds like you're looking for an arguement with them

Hi OP, I'm sorry for all the grief you're getting on here. From reading your initial question, you don't seem bitter or money grabbing - you're just wondering why they haven't made an effort to visit when they are spending all that time with BIL's family.

I think they are just super made busy and don't think further from the jobs they have planned. It might be kinder to speak or text them that you know they are busy but you would really love a visit to your house to see everything that you've done. If it helps, you could pick them up so they could have a nice meal and a relax/drink and drop them off afterwards. Whatever happens, I'm glad you have a house to be proud of and pride in the fact that between you both, you've bought yourself a lovely home. x

Did dp have help from them to buy his previous house?