My boyfriend broke up with me is it normal to still feel happy and positive about life ?

[Pinkflowers2]

I love him and was happy. He said he left because he wasn’t ready, he thought his life was more sorted than it was. So he ended the relationship as he feels like he’s unsure if we have a future.

I said to him I’m happy and don’t hate him, I’ve got a good job, great people around me, my own place and even though I love him and want to be with him I realised I’m ok with not being with him. And that I appreciate him coming in to my life ect and I understand if he doesn’t feel ready to be serious

He keeps saying I’m glad your happy sometimes randomly and I feel like he doesn’t mean it. He also made back hand comments about me reflecting about being grateful about my life and mentioned I didn’t need him in the relationship even though he tried to be in that position.

we didn’t make it to a year and I tried to explain positions are earned I can’t drop or alter my support network for him when I couldn’t guarantee he was here to stay and he’s kind of proved my point by leaving. I stated imagine if I relied on you like you wanted me to, you leaving would have left me really vulnerable.

I don’t feel as sad as I thought I would and I’m starting to feel like maybe he wasn’t actually there and wanted to support me like I thought but for selfish reasons instead.

im starting to get confused. He doesn’t want a relationship but he still wants to talk and support me through this. He keeps saying how sad and hard this is for him. He’s acting weird about the fact in happy. And he made a funny comment about “we know you’ve done better than most” when I’ve never said that. I was just saying I’m the break up has made me grateful about my life.

He wanted the excitement of a break up and the thrill of you begging him to stay. He’s still contacting because you’re not giving him the entertainment he’s due.

Now, time to stop replying to him.

Ahh you’ve hurt his fragile ego by responding as an adult. Don’t fall for his manipulation. Looks like he wants someone easier to control but is trying to keep you on the back burner in case he can’t find someone quickly.
Wish him well and cut all contact.
A lot of men can’t deal with an emotionally healthy independent woman. Find someone better. Or stay single.
Do whatever makes you happy, well away from him.

So he wanted you to dump all your friends and family for him, which you sensibly refused.
Now he wants to 'support you through the breakup' 😂

You don't need him, and he doesn't like it. Boo hoo hoo. Good on you 👸

Yes, this 👆

I don’t know you but I’m really pleased to you. You’ve realised that you don’t need him for your happiness. Cut him out.
Good for you!

It sounds like he wants you to be devastated and beg him to come back. Does he even want to end the relationship or is this some weird power play for him to feel needed? Either way, I wouldn't want his "support" at this point and I'd tell him you need some space from him. You don't need to be worrying about his motivation and feelings anymore. Tbh, he doesn't sound a great loss.

Good for you OP! He clearly wants and expected you to be devastated without his presence.

As OPs have said, time to cut the cords on this one.

I was going to say, be ready for the 180 turn to try to trigger you to "need" him. Your lack of breakdown has likely severely impacted his anticipated reaction!

Move on, carry on!

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. And well done on your response to the situation!

You're confused because he's playing head games with you to break you down. He wants you confused and insecure but you're not fully playing the game like he thought you would.

He breaks up with you. You're supposed to be devastated. Then he stays in contact to "support" you, he comes over, you get back together, then you're back on the merry-go-round that he will jump off of again when you have an accomplishment or something good happens so he can take you down a peg and erode your self confidence and independence. He would rain on your parade every chance he gets.

The cynic in me thinks that he didn't actually wnat to break up. What he wanted was to disrupt your independence and competence by making you insecure, then he would have "taken you back" and you'd have been less independent going forward. You have implied that when you were together you wouldn't give up certain things for him? I bet he hated that.

If I'm being less cynical, he's just got a ridiculous ego and can't udnerstand why you aren't sobbing into a pillow and wants to look like the good guy.

My advice is to move on. Tell him "thanks but no thanks" and get on with your life.

1. cut him off, no one needs to stay friends with an ex. It’s pointless 2) you are right, we should always strive to be independent and happy in our own company. 3) Again you are right, you shouldn’t need someone, its ok that you wanted to be with him but you are good on your own.

He sounds like a dick I think you dodged a bullet.

He doesn’t want to support you through the breakup! His ego has been damaged because you haven’t fallen apart in a weeping mess and begged for him to come back. And if you were to do that, I guarantee he would either walk away because he had got what he wanted or he would agree to get back together, but insist on things changing for his benefit and to your detriment and keep trying to make you feel insecure.

His attitude is a huge red flag. Just walk away now, enjoy your lovely life, and be pleased that you have found out how pathetic he really is.

He is not worthy of you.

You sound emotionally intelligent and secure in yourself. He sounds anxious/avoidant and a head fuck.

I mean you put your finger on it, OP:

I stated imagine if I relied on you like you wanted me to, you leaving would have left me really vulnerable.

That's exactly what he wanted. And what he will go and find someone else for, now that you're wise to him!

SO much odd about this I don’t know where to start.

Do you have children Op?

@Mauvehoodie he said he knows it’s for the best, even though it’s really hard for him

Oh my god - it wasn’t a real break-up. It was fake (it was a fake-up!). It was a temper tantrum designed to bring you in line. You were supposed to reassure him that you would move him to the top of your priorities list and he was supposed to be able to hold this over you going forward. Keep being happy. It will really annoy the stupid man-child.

I think I’m mainly trying to understand what is going on.

Surely you have better things to do.

Of course he does. You’re supposed to feel sorry for him and beg for him to return to you alongside promises to spend more time meeting his needs.
Do not fall for this

Tell him to stop hanging around like a bad smell. He’s just trying to hoover you back in. Block, move on!

He sounds needy and manipulative. Now you've split up he's trying to play with your head and wants the validation of knowing you're upset and want him back. Because you're behaving like a grown up he's confused and wants to exert control. This is a very common tactic among insecure men and he's trying to ensnare you and hook you back in. Don't have it.

It sounds like you've come to the conclusion subconsciously on your own that you're not all the bothered. Congratulate yourself on losing a waste of space.

Don't entertain this endless postmortem with him on the relationship though. Move on and don't waste any more time on him.

I think a clean break is needed. He sounds manipulative and controlling and you are well out of it. Block him for a time - nip it in the bud

He's sounds like an idiot. You're happy with your life and independent. He's uncomfortable with that.

I think he wants you to fall apart to massage his ego. He wants you to be vulnerable and need him so he can feel big. But the thing is you don’t need him and you’re more than ok. Better for both of you to have distance.