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Original poster

To be so disappointed in myself for being so awkward

53 replies

Scared1996 · 08/10/2025 20:44

I tried to go to a girls run club tonight because I want to make friends and socialise. But I’m so socially awkward I may as well have not bothered.

I got there (everyone meets outside a cafe) and everyone is already in little clicks chatting away of course but I am not the type of person who feels comfortable approaching a group of girls I don’t know because I just feel annoying and they’re already having conversations.

Anyway everyone does a stretch and then we set out for a 5k jog. I stay with a group of 3 girls so I don’t run on my own in the dark, and they’re chatting away about things and I just don’t have the confidence to butt in. Anyway we get to a traffic light and I’m slightly behind and they run quick to avoid a car and I wait at the lights. So I run about 1.5k on my own in the dark (they told everyone to make sure no one is alone).

I’m now at home just thinking about what a loser I am and how I can’t make friends, and how nice it would be to be in one of these groups. If I just socialised like normal I wouldn’t have ran on my own. I’m just so mute and annoying :(

OP posts:
GarlicBreadStan · 08/10/2025 20:47

I'm so sorry. Social anxiety is so fucking hard to deal with. I would've felt the exact same if I did what you did. You should be proud of yourself for even plucking up the courage to go!

For what it's worth, if we went on a run together, I wouldn't expect you to talk, but I would make sure you weren't left on your own. I'd look out for you and make sure you were safe

AtlasPine · 08/10/2025 20:47

That’s sounds tough. Even if it wasn’t an intentional abandonment, it was very thoughtless of those women.

I hope you don’t give up trying to find the right activity for you to connect with people on a level which is comfortable. You’re not alone in your feelings and you’re no less worthy of friends than any other person.

LargeChestofDrawers · 08/10/2025 20:48

No you are not mute and annoying. You just need tactics for breaking into a group. Equally, they are slightly lacking in social skills if they left you running alone!

My advice would be to pick a little group next time, go up to them, and ask "can I run with you? I'm a little nervous about being left behind on my own and I don't know anyone here yet" and absolutely no-one will say no, and it will force them all to not allow you to fall behind again.

ResusciAnnie · 08/10/2025 20:50

Trying to make friends while actively jogging was wildly optimistic, I’m sorry OP! I would feel the same 100%

choccychipcookies1988 · 08/10/2025 20:51

Well done for going. To be honest I’d have hoped someone would have noticed you were new and on your own and actively tried to include you. You didn’t do anything disasterous try again next week?

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 08/10/2025 20:51

Scratch that. That was your test run (no pun intended.)
Next week, you will recongnise people, and can then say hello to familiar faces. The week after, you inch into the social setting a little further and to so.

Don’t look at it like clicks - it’s people that already know each other, and in weeks to come, you’ll be one of them.

Be so proud of yourself for stepping out and trying. Keep us updated!

Bingbangboo · 08/10/2025 20:52

What you did was really brave, don't be so hard on yourself! It is so hard to break in to an existing group.

NaranjaDreams · 08/10/2025 20:54

It's really tough to break into existing groups in any situation, let alone running! You did absolutely fine, honestly.

People even find it difficult to get into friendship groups at baby clubs, when you've got something big, obvious and easy to talk about in front of you - a million times easier than when you're stretching or jogging.

AtomicBlondeRose · 08/10/2025 20:54

If the one aim of the group is to provide women with a safe group to run with, and they were expressly reminded not to leave anyone on their own, the group has spectacularly failed in its one job. I’d message the organiser and let them know this. Doesn’t have to be a whinge, and I wouldn’t say anything about making friends, but I would point out that you got left on your own in the dark and it felt unsafe.

MeetMyCat · 08/10/2025 20:54

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 08/10/2025 20:51

Scratch that. That was your test run (no pun intended.)
Next week, you will recongnise people, and can then say hello to familiar faces. The week after, you inch into the social setting a little further and to so.

Don’t look at it like clicks - it’s people that already know each other, and in weeks to come, you’ll be one of them.

Be so proud of yourself for stepping out and trying. Keep us updated!

This!

JDM625 · 08/10/2025 20:55

How on earth are people jogging and still chatting away? I'm clearly so unfit that the whole concept is beyond me!

OP- you are not awkward in the least. I'd suggest an activity where you actually can chat and get to know people, ideally without having to jog along to keep up. Do you have any other hobbies or things you'd like to do locally to you?

HourlyTime · 08/10/2025 20:57

You're really brave going! I've been trying to make myself join a running club and haven't yet succeeded.

Think of tonight as a trial run - just joining, and maybe the aim next week can be to talk to someone?

That's very upsetting you were running alone, I can only think the others were thoughtless and in their own heads.

You should be really proud of yourself!

Original poster
Scared1996 · 08/10/2025 20:59

Aww wow thank you everyone! I didn’t expect such nice replies I almost thought I’d get roasted for not trying to talk to people.
I don’t think anyone did it on purpose I just honestly felt so awkward because they were chatting and I felt like a creep behind them 😅

I’m worried I’ll go next week and people will recognise me as the awkward and weird one who didn’t say a word so they won’t want to talk to me!

OP posts:
writingsonthewall · 08/10/2025 21:00

Well done for going. I think as hard as it is, the key is to just keep on going. You’ll start to recognise people and visa versa. And slowly you’ll start to chat. But it does take time

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/10/2025 21:00

ResusciAnnie · 08/10/2025 20:50

Trying to make friends while actively jogging was wildly optimistic, I’m sorry OP! I would feel the same 100%

I feel the same. I don't think it's the best activity for that. A walking goup maybe. Do you like board games? Some type of board game club? Something where conversation may start more naturally.

confusedlab47 · 08/10/2025 21:02

Or, some people might have reflected and say hello? It’s always best to have low expectations - flip your thinking. You’ve not lost anything, you have the same amount of friends as you had before, except you’ve done some exercise and confronted some anxiety.

even if it takes weeks, you’re not losing anything, you’re exercising, getting out and not letting your feelings beat you.

MagicLoop · 08/10/2025 21:04

Scared1996 · 08/10/2025 20:59

Aww wow thank you everyone! I didn’t expect such nice replies I almost thought I’d get roasted for not trying to talk to people.
I don’t think anyone did it on purpose I just honestly felt so awkward because they were chatting and I felt like a creep behind them 😅

I’m worried I’ll go next week and people will recognise me as the awkward and weird one who didn’t say a word so they won’t want to talk to me!

Aww they won't think that! There are lots and lots of quiet, shy or socially anxious people in the world. It's pretty normal really. Just keep going along and try to pluck up the courage to just chip in with a little remark some time. It's ok to be quite until you warm up to them a bit.

confusedlab47 · 08/10/2025 21:04

I’m like a blunt knife with social stuff - I’m either over keen and scare everyone off or aloof, but my
experience is, accept who you are and keep plodding on, finding people you’re a good match with takes time.

Owly11 · 08/10/2025 21:05

You have done the hardest bit going first time. Keep going, be polite, be friendly and gradually you will get to know people. It takes time to make friends. You can’t expect to do it on the first meeting. Some of the group will have known each other for ages. In 6 months time things will be different if you keep going.

Goldenmimx · 08/10/2025 21:06

I really admire you for going along and trying something different. I’d love to have the guts to, so you should be proud of yourself. Definitely not a loser from what you’ve described

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 08/10/2025 21:07

This could be me but I can’t run 5k 🤣

well done for going. That’s the first big step and it really is a big step. These occasions always make me feel like I’m back at school. They may well have thought you didn’t want to run with them or something but it certainly won’t be as deep as you think it is and they may well be wondering why they were so awkward and didn’t just wait.

some great advice above but you should 100% go again and try to speak to someone if you can and see if there’s a different running group.

perhaps you could say your town so people can say if they know of one and welcome you?

deveronvalley · 08/10/2025 21:07

Running groups are not the place for socially awkward people. There’s literally nothing else to do except make small talk. I tried this a few times and it was excruciating. What you need is an activity where you are actually doing something and you have to talk about the activity that you are doing. Or go to beginner classes for things, if you’re an active person it is easy to find stuff like that. And say yes to everything! Volunteer for things! I went from painful awkward group runs a couple of years ago and last week I chaired an AGM. I barely recognise myself.

willowthecat · 08/10/2025 21:11

It's not easy to break into an existing group, I don't think you did anything 'wrong' just don't overthink things and go back next time - maybe mention to someone you enjoy running but worry about being on your own - just a a conversation starter not an accusation . I'm not good at small talk but I have learned to have topics or questions prepared - and the old favourite of asking people about themselves does usually work - you need to learn to ask questions that you are not really that interested in hearing the answers to like 'how long have you been running?' 'what are your preferred areas when it's dark ?' dull stuff but gets a cold engine started

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 08/10/2025 21:12

Are you better in a one to one situation? Are you ND? I'm autistic and I don't bother with groups of people anymore because I find it too difficult and also I don't enjoy group conversation. I find it impossible to know when to speak and find that as soon as I start speaking, someone speaks over me. It's weird really because I'm meant to be the one with poor social skills and yet if I spoke over someone I'd apologise and ask what they were going to say.

You could look for individual friends rather than forcing yourself into group situations. It's so humiliating when you're ignored - in the past I'd have raced to keep up with people but now I'd rather stick with nicer people.

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 08/10/2025 21:15

There are a lot of posters telling you to keep trying. Maybe you are neurotypical and if so that could work. It probably will never work if you're ND.