To be so disappointed in myself for being so awkward

[Scared1996]

I tried to go to a girls run club tonight because I want to make friends and socialise. But I’m so socially awkward I may as well have not bothered.

I got there (everyone meets outside a cafe) and everyone is already in little clicks chatting away of course but I am not the type of person who feels comfortable approaching a group of girls I don’t know because I just feel annoying and they’re already having conversations.

Anyway everyone does a stretch and then we set out for a 5k jog. I stay with a group of 3 girls so I don’t run on my own in the dark, and they’re chatting away about things and I just don’t have the confidence to butt in. Anyway we get to a traffic light and I’m slightly behind and they run quick to avoid a car and I wait at the lights. So I run about 1.5k on my own in the dark (they told everyone to make sure no one is alone).

I’m now at home just thinking about what a loser I am and how I can’t make friends, and how nice it would be to be in one of these groups. If I just socialised like normal I wouldn’t have ran on my own. I’m just so mute and annoying :(

tbh OP I think 90% of women wouldn't be able to do what you've done - a combo of either can't run (me!) or wouldn't dream of joining something new on their own. I think you should feel proud of yourself.

My sister is one of the most chatty, outgoing, gregarious people I know with loads of friends and she would never go anywhere where she didn't know at least one person. If you saw her in a room she'd be the centre of attention every time - but she would never have entered that room in the first place if she didn't have someone she already knew with her. She was in awe of me going to baby clubs etc on my own. So even the people who outwardly seem very confident aren't in other ways.

tbh I agree the club were a bit shit. My friend is in a running club and her role is specifically to run at the back so nobody gets left behind. There's someone else whose role is specifically to chat to new people each week.

Maybe consider messaging the group and saying 'Hi, I'm new to the group, I came last week and started running with everyone but the women I was with went ahead of me and I ended up running the last half on my own, which felt a bit unsafe. Is there anyone I should introduce myself to next week?'

If they message back saying something like 'Oh no, I'm so sorry! It's really important to us that nobody gets left behind, that shouldn't have happened. Thanks for letting us know. Please come and see me (name) this week, I'll introduce you to everyone and run with you.' But if they come back with something vague like 'No just come along and say hi,' maybe consider if that's the group for you.

As pps have said, if you want to get to know people there are other groups and types of activities that involve more chatting.

Just to add - another option is to join a group at a time they specifically have new starters. So, for example, some running groups might do C25K a few times a year - even if you can run 5k it might be a good thing to join when everyone is new, and then most of you will 'move up' to the main running group together. Or lots of people might start in January as a NY resolution - yeah they might not all stick it but at least you won't be the only newbie.

OP you just described my worst nightmare about joining a new group where you don't know anyone. I will say this though - it is on the group (or at the very least, the organiser) to include you and make you feel welcome!! They sound like a crappy unwelcoming group if none of them said anything to you - and I am gobsmacked at the shittiness of those two women running off and leaving you at the traffic lights.

Sometimes it's really easy to blame ourselves, when in reality, maybe this group just isn't that friendly? Which begs the question - do you really want to be part of a group like that?

I reckon though.. go again, armed with some questions you can ask people to (hopefully!) start some conversations. Just ask some inane q's about the route, or mention the weather, ask if they had far to travel to get there etc. If they respond half-heartedly and then go back to talking to the others.. it's not you it's them. But if they do respond positively and chat for a bit (even briefly), take that as a sign they're worth persevering with.