Edinburgh Waverley station needs me.

[TallOrLong]

Here are the facts:

• I go to many train stations, I never ever get confused elsewhere.
• I never go to Waverley without walking round in a big loop in a state of confusion.
• From observation I am not the only one.

I am prepared to provide executive advice. Payment terms are a baguette from upper crust, a bag of percy pigs from M&S and some scottish fudge from, well, somewhere that sells good fudge.

This is not actually an AIBU, because I am not being unreasonable. I am on a train leaving Edinburgh having finally found my platform. See you next time for the same fun again Waverley!

This has made me laugh so much. They can’t take themselves seriously, surely?

And this ladies and gentlemen, is how you negotiate the escape room that is Waverley. Strategy.

It’s ok, thanks for responding. I’ll just leave plenty of time to find it, wherever it is.

What a morning the Network Rail comms team are going to have tomorrow, when they log on, check their station name Google alerts, and find this thread. I hope they get in touch with your formal job offer very shortly afterwards @TallOrLong.

But Paddington has painted lines on the floor, no?

I press the buttons to open the tube doors though, I think London underground needs a whole different skill set than I can humbly offer.

It’s quite straightforward, platform 13 or 14 for Glasgow unless it is platform 7b in which case it is alongside platform 10.

No Percy Pigs for me please, but chocolate in any form accepted.

I love that you say “apart from the up/over/down bits”. That’s basically the whole station 😆.

I think I remember people driving in, was there a little roundabout at the bottom or have I made that up.

If you look on realtimetrains.co.uk you can enter the name of the station, date and time and it will give you the platform - not sure how far in advance it goes.
Then once you have found that, Network Rail do have a station map if you google that.

No, Glasgow can also be platforms 11 or 12

Thought it was just me that couldn’t figure it out. The most regular train is the Glasgow one and that could really be anywhere.

I think there are probably lost tribes living there having never found their escape.

This thread is my favourite thing about today. Potentially this week (yes I live alone, thanks for noticing).
i suspect that the percentage of it participants that enjoy a game of Mornington Crescent is high.

And it for sure belongs in MN Classics. 🙂

Whenever I go to Leeds my train home always leaves from platform 17, so I always have to add another 10 minutes to allow getting from the barrier to my platform.

This is undoubtedly true. And according to @Hoardasurass , they are about to concrete them all in so they never get out!

My local station has just one platform, and modt of the line is single track. Then when one train breaks down or gets delayed the knock on effect can last all day.

I have never been to the station in question, but the solution seems clear to me. You need to follow the "Dirk Gently" means of holistic navigation.

You stand in front of the departure board, and 10 minutes before your train leaves, you pick someone who looks like they know where they're going, and then follow them.

You may not end up where you intended to be, but you will end up exactly where the universe intends you to be.

Unless it's Dunvant. In that case you're just lost.

You highlight another issue. The departures board. There is what appears to be a departures board in what appears to be the main concourse where all the platforms appear to be.

SURPRISE!

That is only the boards for the sub-set of platforms that are in that bit. Tough luck if you stand there waiting to see which platform your train goes from and it isn’t one of those. Your train will never come up.

No. You need to turn around and go to the inside bit where nobody intuitively goes. The full board is in there, and that’s where you find out there are a whole load of other platforms hiding from you. Which you can’t then find anyway.

That's fine, this doesn't affect the holistic navigation. You don't need to follow someone who knows where they are going, just someone who looks like they know where they are going.

The important this is that when you inevitably end up in the wrong place, you can blame someone other than yourself.

I’m horrified to consider that this might actually be the answer 😬😆

The John Lewis exit is the best bit. You can avoid ALL the tourists & and Festival goers. No ticket office or complaints place now. Borders trains always cancelled. London Sleeper trains often hard to find (absurdly).
And platforms that change number halfway along. Still it IS the most glorious view as you exit, tbf, even for spoiled for food views locals. Pass the pigs & Neros :)

I remember driving around Edinburgh using an early model satnav. The poor thing got totally confused and ended up spluttering contradictory half sentences before totally giving up.

It brings you out at the back of the Station - so up the hill, under the bridge and onto Leith Street. Just UP the road from John Lewis. Quickest way to get to John Lewis, the Omni centre and the Playhouse

I've been using Waverley since 1991 & have never seen anyone assisting with accessibility. Sorry but I don't believe 'wacky hat guy' exists outside of Scotch mist.

And you have to walk a very long way to reach platform 7......

Re Burger King/M&S, I found on my last trip that the best solution is to place yourself in a long queue at the LNER ticket office - perhaps because you missed your train BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT BLOODY PLATFORM - mutter under your breath for the 20 minutes it takes to reach the front of the queue, muster all your decency to be nice to the poor put-upon LNER staff member behind the counter, acquire a new ticket along with express confirmation of the new platform number IN TRIPLICATE along with directions to said platform, wander out of this office still muttering under your breath and with blurred vision because your ire is only just beginning to subside, wait for the smoke out of your ears to dissipate…..and lo! M&S will be in front of you and you’ll only be just a tiny bit confused by the smell of frying fatty beef patties. Whether or not M&S will have any sandwiches left to purchase is a different matter entirely.

Hang on, how many exits are there?

Main one up the road/ramp, Cockburn Street at the front. A harder to find one along the side that comes out at a Council building and guessing one up to Princes street.

Is there another secret one?