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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the charity shop could have given my neurodivergent child a chance

93 replies

Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 19:49

as a retail volunteer. To put in context this is an international charity who promote inclusivity rather than a one off small charity shop. I completely get that my child's interview/chat skills are not top notch but she is cognitively able and willing to try. They went for the chat almost four weeks ago and heard nothing back the advert is still up and I know they contacted the referee before interview and they responded positively. I just feel so disappointed surely they could have offered a trial shift.

OP posts:
Well1mBack · 07/10/2025 19:52

Could you ask for feedback directly? See what they say?

Arlanymor · 07/10/2025 19:53

Have they asked for feedback?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 07/10/2025 19:56

Yanbu, OP. Interview/chat skills are not the be all and end all, and I'm sure your lovely dd has a great deal to offer. Hopefully she will find somewhere that will value her potential contribution soon.

BeepBoopBop · 07/10/2025 19:57

I had a friend whose daughter had Down’s Syndrome - a lovely girl, engaging, confident, chatty and charismatic. She worked at the BHF and although she loved the interaction, the ‘ladies’ there were quite mean to her.
Make sure she finds a nice team.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 19:59

No they don't want to follow it up I think their confidence has taken a big hit. I forgot to mention in my original post that they did declare their neurodiversity on the application form.

OP posts:
LamonicBibber1 · 07/10/2025 20:01

I'd say, you're not unreasonable to be upset. I am ND and also very disabled in another way, and I cannot find a job.

It is disheartening to know that I have so much to offer, as I'm sure your child does too. But getting past the first hurdle can be insurmountable. The unemployment rate for my own disability (the one seperate from ND issues) is around 80% in the UK. I've been advised to not tick the box to say I'm disabled, in order to get interviews .. Except the second they saw me, they would immediately know!

However! ....My advice is, don't let your child see your frustration. Don't audibly pin the cause for the rejection on their ND status. Be upbeat and proactive. There are other positions out there and it may take soul crushing diligence and superhuman effort to find one, but hopefully they will.

And if not, life can still be rich and varied in other ways. Good luck to them.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:05

BeepBoopBop · 07/10/2025 19:57

I had a friend whose daughter had Down’s Syndrome - a lovely girl, engaging, confident, chatty and charismatic. She worked at the BHF and although she loved the interaction, the ‘ladies’ there were quite mean to her.
Make sure she finds a nice team.

Yes it's so important to find a supportive team. In a way it tells me they probably wouldn't be treated very well so it's probably all for the best. It's dreadful that your friends daughter was treated so meanly. WTF is wrong with people that they have zero compassion towards a fellow human being.

OP posts:
TY78910 · 07/10/2025 20:08

So she’s not actually had a rejection / any feedback? Some companies are just rubbish at taking job adverts down. Maybe they’re still interviewing - let’s say they have candidates that are also ND hence it’s taking longer in between. Why don’t you reach out to the interviewer and ask for a follow up? That way you can also get feedback.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:10

@LamonicBibber1 - Thank you. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Yes she is thinking about not declaring on the application form in future. It's a tricky one thinking about when/if to disclose.

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 07/10/2025 20:10

In my experience charity shops when choosing volunteers are typically just after the absolute best candidate they can get, who is going to do the most work & require the least help, for free. They simply aren’t prepared to take a chance on someone because they don’t want their paid staff to have to spend time helping their free staff. It is really rubbish because it would be a great opportunity for someone to get some experience without there being a direct “cost” to the business but there just isn’t the appetite for it, at least in my experience when trying to help a family friend in a similar position.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 07/10/2025 20:15

Was it Barnardos?

My ND daughter went for an interview, and then they asked for 2 references, got them and said they needed more references, requested 2 more, got those and then said they needed another, which we were struggling with because what 14yo has 5 references.

My other dd had volunteered a couple of years previously, just needed 2 references and was taken on within a few days.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:15

TY78910 - she got an invite to interview on the same day she applied so I don't think it's a case they are overwhelmed with applicants although I hear what you're saying re feedback but that's on my child and they don't want to follow up.

OP posts:
isyouready · 07/10/2025 20:17

I agree with you OP. I know a charity shop that takes on volunteers with mental health issues like schizophrenia. Not comparing your child don't get me wrong just showing that the charity shop in my example is inclusive and probably would of given your daughter a chance

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:17

@Jellybunny56 - That sounds about right

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:21

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 07/10/2025 20:15

Was it Barnardos?

My ND daughter went for an interview, and then they asked for 2 references, got them and said they needed more references, requested 2 more, got those and then said they needed another, which we were struggling with because what 14yo has 5 references.

My other dd had volunteered a couple of years previously, just needed 2 references and was taken on within a few days.

No it was Oxfam. 5 references! - that's ridiculous even paid employment usually only require 2 referees. Yes it's usually a quick process when they are actively recruiting.

OP posts:
verybighouseinthecountry · 07/10/2025 20:22

Very difficult situation for you and your DC, but charity shops now are looking for free workers, not someone "they can give a chance to". Have you tried any charities/organizations that help neuro diverse young people to get into work/training schemes? It would give her some experience and confidence.

Mrmrowlchops · 07/10/2025 20:22

It's awful really, particularly for young people. You'd think they could offer something. Dd used to help at Scope. I don't think she had an interview, just turned up with her friend. They just sorted clothes initially. Maybe try some different ones.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:23

@isyouready it's good to hear of an inclusive charity shop.

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 07/10/2025 20:26

Jellybunny56 · 07/10/2025 20:10

In my experience charity shops when choosing volunteers are typically just after the absolute best candidate they can get, who is going to do the most work & require the least help, for free. They simply aren’t prepared to take a chance on someone because they don’t want their paid staff to have to spend time helping their free staff. It is really rubbish because it would be a great opportunity for someone to get some experience without there being a direct “cost” to the business but there just isn’t the appetite for it, at least in my experience when trying to help a family friend in a similar position.

This with bells on . Finding volunteers is very hard and requiring them to support/ monitor/and possibly carry some of the workload of someone who is ND is not going to appeal to anyone.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:26

@verybighouseinthecountry They did complete a brilliant training scheme but there aren't any paid roles to currently apply for so the charity shop would have been a filler in the meantime.

OP posts:
corlan · 07/10/2025 20:27

The fact that they've not got back to your daughter with an answer shows you how little they value people. I'd try and look on it as a bullet dodged.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:30

Mrmrowlchops · 07/10/2025 20:22

It's awful really, particularly for young people. You'd think they could offer something. Dd used to help at Scope. I don't think she had an interview, just turned up with her friend. They just sorted clothes initially. Maybe try some different ones.

Those were my thoughts as well - there must have been something she could have done she was willing to go in on any day.

OP posts:
JamDisaster · 07/10/2025 20:31

That’s really poor.

Original poster
Fairydusthello · 07/10/2025 20:31

corlan · 07/10/2025 20:27

The fact that they've not got back to your daughter with an answer shows you how little they value people. I'd try and look on it as a bullet dodged.

Totally bullet dodged - move on scenario.

OP posts:
cartin · 07/10/2025 20:33

If it makes you feel any better Barnardos didn't respond to my ND son's application at all, nevermind doing an interview. I eventally got him to chase up with an email and he got a computer composed reply with no reason whatsoever given, despite advert still being active saying they had 8 volunteer positions going.