To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.

Genuinely, honestly, with everything all in how much does this amount to?

Ffs 🤦‍♀️

£90k seems like a huge amount to me, but I do live in a very cheap area and have a very low mortgage, no childcare costs and almost no commuting costs. I'm a single parent with two children, live in a three bed terrace, run a small car. My take home is £2,200 a month. Must admit I'm fascinated by stuff like £200 a month on dining out / take out. We just never eat out. But then the DCs various hobbies & interests probably add up to £300 a month which possibly seems expensive to others.

Why do you receive child benefit of 280 if your husband has a take home of 4,100? That must be significantly more than the 60k threshold? (I’m aware that you do still receive some before it tapers off completely but 280 is a lot given the rate of £26 pw for eldest + £17 per additional child) .

I’m in Ireland. 140 per child per month here and not means tested

Lucky you!

What are your mortgage repayments, OP? You also mention two cars, are one or both of them on PCP? And if so, how much?

I'm sorry for asking such invasive questions, but those things tend to be the two largest expenses going.

Things are ridiculously expensive these days, however, living beyond your means is why you're struggling. One/two of the main reasons people struggle to make ends meet even on a juicy salary, dual salary or not, is the house being too big for your needs and/or a car costing a lot of money, ie an old car that needs a lot of TLC, or a new car on PCP.

I just want to know what your side hustle is @gundigirl, I need a side hustle.

Stop living on takeaways.

@gundigirl What you seem to be missing is some idea of exactly how much you are spending each month. You say that DD does some clubs and activities and it adds up - but to how much? Likewise your mortgage and bills - you could change to sim only phones / joint contract for example, reduce any subscriptions but you’ve lumped it all together so do you really know what you are spending?
£180 pw is a lot on food for 2 adults and 1 younger child. We spend less than that with 2 adults and 2 late teens, one of which eats a heck of a lot due to the amount of sport done. We could possibly reduce this as we buy some ready meals for school lunches along with what we’ve cooked ourselves.

Yes we are very lucky. I save both lots for them for university etc they both have a good bit there ~20k give or take

After tax and NI. Roughly £5900 take home. Depending on housing could be paying £2k on rent or mortgage! Takes down the £3900.
between us we take home £5500

£950 mortgage
£400 on car payments insurance petrol
utilities £285
internet/

I get paid weekly which I'm very glad about.
I earn less than a quarter of your earnings though and I have two children.
I cannot imagine struggling on that much money.

£180 a week shopping for two adults and one child is massive if you are struggling.

Let me guess. You live in the SE, probably London? Your mortgage/ rent is huge? You have a huge weekly grocery budget and you like to eat out?

I’m in Ireland. 140 per child per month here and not means tested

it didn't used to be means tested here but was never as generous.

Try living on 18k a year!

I’m the sole earner in my household, DP is a stay at home dad to our 2 children.
I earn just under 30k. We manage to save a decent chunk per month.

Look at your outgoings and cut back.

In my house around £90k doesn’t go far.. take home pay plus CB is circa £5.5k a month.
After absolutely everything is accounted for there’s about £1000 left over for ‘fun’ but that has to cover holidays and Christmas/birthdays as well. It’s just shy of £200 a week for a family of 5. So whilst it’s not dreadful, it’s hardly luxury living! It’s an ordinary life as the OP describes.

How much is it per child in England?

You should be definitely getting to the end of the month, with savings too.

Do you get any benefits? Universal credit? Child benefit? Housing Benefit?

I'm not saying you shouldn't, but I bet you do get some help? The earnings needed to replace these is a lot when you're paying 40% tax. If her or her DH earn over the Child Benefit limits, they won't get that.

I think people forget how much people lose when earnings go up.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you're struggling and need a 2nd job, even though you've got a joint income of £90k. In this case, why not just prepare and stick to a budget:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

How do others manage? They live in debt. They skip meals. They don't put the heating on. They walk for an hour in the rain because they can't afford the bus. They certainly don't pay for clubs, activities, 2 cars or the hairdresser.

Be sensible. How do you think people survive? They do whatever they can and some people don't survive. You are nowhere near that position. Just get your act together and take more of an active interest in your finances.

After school clubs/extracurricular clubs can be extremely expensive. When my eldest fir swimming years ago it was £6.50 a session, for my youngest it was £15 last year! Start there and on the gym membership. Swap it for running together and weights at home. For holidays I suggest house swaps.

I absolutely love these threads because we don't earn even half of this and survive in Surrey with 3 holidays per year and one of the salaries is fully saved up.

My heart bleeds for you. Visit a food bank if you’re struggling.