To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

You save when you can ? That’s your first mistake. Save first! Give every pound a job to do.

I think you can find cash in your food budget. I'm £90 a week for 3 plus feeding and ex hubby 2 or 3 nights a week too. Look at Dave Ramsay baby steps and the automatic millionaire and I am sure you will find you have more wiggle room than you think. Good luck

It’s a miracle …. behold you’re turning water into wine ….. five loaves and two fishes are feeding the thousands
What nonsense

Write down ALL outgoings. Look at what you spend on holidays etc too. We live at a time when the cost of living is incredibly high in the UK, relative to what it was even five years ago. We are about £75k household income and we do alright but do need to dip into savings for things like unexpected repairs. However we do shop mostly secondhand for clothes and have one car and relatively low mortgage (until it goes up again when our fixed rate runs out). Once you've looked at all outgoings vs income, if still scratching head you need ro consider whether lifestyle creep means that you're effectively viewing certain luxuries as essentials. I'm saying without judgement as I also have this mentality about some things.

Do you have cars on finance? That can be a real waste of hundreds of pounds per month.

All you have to do is tot up your monthly outgoings ie direct debits childcare costs etc, Add on your food shopping costs. Factor in any annual bills like insurance car tax at a monthly amount. Tot up your monthly income. The difference is what you have to spend on other things ie clothes, makeup, days/ nights out etc. divide it up into either 4 or 5 weeks depending when next payday is and don’t spend any more!

I'm a single parent to two kids in SE England on 70k, and I struggle to put money away each month. Mostly it's commuting costs and childcare costs. No CB at my salary and no CMS. I know it sounds a lot to those on less but if there were two of me on 35k, we'd take home more as would pay less tax and prob get some UC!

It's all relative OP. We live on much less than that and we have 5 dc. Most of our money goes on them though, I haven't had my hair cut professionally since 2011. I use tesco own brand shampoo, shower gel and conditioner. Any other toiletries are a birthday or Christmas present. Same with clothes. I get new underwear when it wears out but eveything else is a birthday or Christmas present. Dc have basic clothes from asda that get handed down (joggers/jeans, multipacks of plain t shirts, pants, pyjamas etc and a couple of hoodies). Anything else they want they get for Christmas/birthday.

Thank you everyone for your comments — some were really kind and thoughtful, others a little less so, but I appreciate all the perspectives shared.

Just to clarify, I’m well aware that we’re not skint, and I do recognise we’re in a more fortunate position than many. That said, what prompted my post is that any time there’s a big, unexpected cost (like a car repair or something going wrong in the house), it wipes out a chunk of our savings — and that just didn’t used to be the case a few years ago. Things feel tighter now, even if on paper we’re doing OK.

To give a clearer picture, here’s a rough monthly breakdown:

Mortgage + bills: ~£1,500

DD’s activities: swimming, piano (school), karate, one language club, Stagecoach, plus wraparound care

Gym: £100/month – my only real hobby, and it includes use of the pool

Haircuts: I go twice a year, DH cuts his own hair and doesn’t use the gym

We very rarely go out these days, and while our life is certainly comfortable, it’s not what I’d call extravagant. I was really just hoping to open up an honest conversation about the cost of living, and how others are navigating similar challenges.

Thanks again to those who took the time to reply.

£90k a year and struggling!!!! 😳
i think (and I say this as someone who manages on a lot less!!) you need to write and income and expenditure list out
Look at how much comes in and how much goes out and look at your direct debits and standing orders to see where you can cut back or if you’re paying for something you don’t use perhaps.
you should be absolutely fine on that

I forgot to add: we own both cars outright, but that means we need to shell out for repairs and the last bill was thousands.

I am 39 and we bought in 2013.

Sorry to disappoint; I'm sure you were expecting me to say 58 and bought in the early 90s. We fixed at 2% for 10 years in 2022.

It still doesn’t make sense OP.

If you provide a proper itemised breakdown, people will genuinely be able to help.

On the very little info provided, you are overspending on DDs hobbies, and on your weekly food costs.

How much are cars/petrol?

Do you save? How much?

How much do you spend on your holiday? This varies enormously. I spend about £10k a year as it’s a priority, but I drive a 12 year old small car. Other people might only spend £500 on a camping long weekend .

We need the figures!!!

we have a similar household income 95k to you and our mortgage and bills are a lot higher, we both have PCP car payments, several children’s club and wrap around care a few days a week. Both commute 3 days a week for work but are able to save approx £750-1000 a month. Our food shop for the 3 of us is no where near £180 a week, prob not even half that.

You need to itemise everything, all the non-negotiable outgoings and see where the money is going because I don’t think you should be struggling this much in that income.

Unfortunately I think this is just the financial season we are all living in. If you need to cut down, I suggest taking a long hard look at your grocery bill and finding some economies there, and planning a cheaper holiday for the next few years. Are you running two new/expensive cars, because that may be a luxury you can no longer afford (appreciate you may not be able to fix that short term).

On your combined income you should be able to afford a few luxuries so don't feel guilty about this, but just pick the luxury items that mean the most to you and sacrifice others.

Just seen your update re. cars - if they are costing thousands in repair bills and are owned outright, I would definitely be looking at trading at least one of them in for something more affordable.

Is this going to be a thread where the OP then adds “oh yes, we save 2k a month” but never thought to mention it.

I think we need to assume they /or one of them is a higher tax payer. Unlikely they qualify for child benefit. Once you take the large tax / NI contribution’s into account ifs
probably not as much as we all think. Whilst I’m not saying they are exactly poor but I think we can assume they are in the middle income trap. They’ve clearly worked hard to achieve it though and for the record I’m not a high earner!

They between them have 90k and are both “middle earners” that language don’t suggest somone on 60 and the other on 30 so they are still getting child benefit and tax is hitting them much less hard than one person earning 90

If you are spending thousands a year on car repairs it is cheaper and easier to lease with a maintenance package. I need a car for work (community nurse) and my old car that I owned outright always had something wrong with it, I now lease for £200 a month all in. No stress at all.

£180 a week on food for 3 people?!? Where do you shop?

You need to allow roughly a grand a year for one car maintenance / many years you don’t need it and when you have a couple of huge bills it’s time to replace

if you work out a likely budget and save for it you will
find your money goes much further

Also £100 a month for gym membership seems very high. If you are looking to cut back, there will be cheaper alternatives.

I get it, it's crazy how quickly money can be spent having the heating on and not being careful with prices on a food shop. I feel like heating, fresh produce on a food shop, the odd takeaway, enough in the bank to cover emergency car & home repairs are the luxuries a £100k income gets you these days.

I’m a disabled single parent who can’t work due to my disability and my son being in part time school and I’m not struggling. Granted I don’t have hobbies, go out, buy clothes, get takeaways etc - but I budget. Literally I spreadsheet all my spending whether that is bills, food shopping etc. then on top have a ‘savings’ where I save for Christmas or birthdays and a holiday.

So I don’t understand how people on high incomes plead poverty and act skint when you likely live above your means and have nice things but then act like you have no money?????