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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be late for school once a week?

259 replies

Latelateshowz · 07/10/2025 11:30

(Writing this from DC POV.)

I am in year 13 at school. My school’s late policy is that you can be late once a week without any penalty. If you get two lates you get put on a report and have to turn up early for 2 weeks.

I don’t see the point of getting in on time just to sit around in form time or to go to an assembly. So I choose to make the most of the system that is in place and deliberately go in late once a week.

In case it is relevant, I have the second highest voluntary service hours in the school (this is for things like helping younger students, doing clubs etc) and I am predicted the highest grades. I’ve never had any detentions for behaviour etc.

My form tutor mentioned my punctuality in a recent parents meeting and my parents think I should just be on time. My view is that I am just making the most of the system the school has set up.

YABU: get yourself to school on time
YANBU: fair enough, be late if you want

OP posts:
KarmenPQZ · 07/10/2025 11:34

I had an uncle like this. His employer had 6 weeks sick leave on full pay in his contract. So every year he took it as part of his benefits package. It’s not really what it’s meant for and says a lot about your personality in my opinion.

Noshadowsinthedark · 07/10/2025 11:34

Really weird post OP.

Mumsnet shouldn’t do your parenting for you. Support your child to get to school on time.

Your child isn’t exempt from the rules and you shouldn’t be encouraging this. I would imagine they can still take punitive measures or amend the policy if people choose to ‘make the most’ of it, which would be a shame for those not deliberately getting in late.

comoatoupeira · 07/10/2025 11:36

For me it depends on what he's doing with the extra time. If he's going for a nice long walk, doing a work out, or spending time with his gf/bf, then that's great. Or having more sleep.

If it's gaming or phone time or anything else, I would push back on it.

NovemberMorn · 07/10/2025 11:37

Get into school on time.
It's called self discipline. Something that'll come in handy once you get out into the real world.

Ooogle · 07/10/2025 11:37

If the school are bothered by it they should change their policy. It’s between him and the school at his age

LadyQuackBeth · 07/10/2025 11:37

This slight flexibility in policy is not for you, it isn't a "benefit," to go in late that you are missing out on, it's to allow them to focus on the people with real problems getting to school on time.

You are a distraction and likely to ruin this policy for everyone, take a bow!

Shmee1988 · 07/10/2025 11:38

Technically your dd is following the rules. However, in preparation for further life activities such as work, this may not be the best habit to get into. Not many employers will adopt a '4 lateness occasions in a month is okay' policy. Also, will Universities look at punctuality and time keeping skills? Maybe worth consideration.

NorthSouthEast · 07/10/2025 11:38

Ach, I couldn’t be worked up about this. Yr 13 is a bind of revision and exams and doing routine stuff in school when you’re itching to grow up and start your life. If school don’t penalise for one late per week, that’s the policy. There can be a lot of sitting around doing nothing in those admin spaces. But of course if you use up the 1 time a week goodwill offer and then you are late another day, you’ve used up your safety net and can’t moan or complain about the consequences.

comoatoupeira · 07/10/2025 11:39

But if it's deliberate and regular, then there is self-discipline. They do know how to be punctual. So there isn't a problem skills-wise.

Possibly a respect problem, though. Inability to put themselves in the school and teacher's shoes? Classic teenage mental pathways.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 07/10/2025 11:40

Is it just assembly/form time they’re missing by going in late? Obviously shouldn’t be missing any lessons. Having said that at my children’s school in y13 form time and assembly can be very important as they do a lot of work on UCAS applications, super curricular work etc.
What are they doing with that time - extra study?

Original poster
Latelateshowz · 07/10/2025 11:42

I’ve got my views @Noshadowsinthedark as hinted in the OP. I thought the whole point of AIBU is to ask people’s opinions. There’s a new and unwelcome trend on MN of people telling off others for starting threads on things.

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 07/10/2025 11:42

I actually think it's a useful skill and a sign of lateral thinking, which is often useful in life.

School get to make the rules. S/he's complying with the rules to the extent that it works for him. Yes s/he's playing the system, but why on earth shouldn't s/he?

At work, it wouldn't be allowed, but it sounds like s/he'd comply with whatever the system was there, so why not?

Congratulations on raising someone who doesn't mindlessly follow the herd.

Original poster
Latelateshowz · 07/10/2025 11:45

No lessons are missed and homework is done on time. A later start just means a bit more time in bed.

Same child manages to cycle for 5 miles to get to a responsible job at the weekend, so I’m not concerned about an inability to be punctual overall.

OP posts:
Noshadowsinthedark · 07/10/2025 11:47

Latelateshowz · 07/10/2025 11:42

I’ve got my views @Noshadowsinthedark as hinted in the OP. I thought the whole point of AIBU is to ask people’s opinions. There’s a new and unwelcome trend on MN of people telling off others for starting threads on things.

I am not telling you off! Sorry if it came across that way, you can do whatever you want on the internet …

But what’s the point of this if not to show your kid, look Mumsnet agrees with me?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 07/10/2025 11:48

Purposefully missing an assembly is rude. It suggest the young person feels their time is more precious than the staff delivering the assembly.
Not a good personality trait.

Ace56 · 07/10/2025 11:49

He’s Year 13 so 17/18? Not really much you can do tbh, apart from air your disapproval. Tell him he’s being a prick - I bet he thinks he’s really clever for ‘outsmarting the system’. As an adult people will not admire this type of behaviour.

LiftToTheTube · 07/10/2025 11:52

The voluntary work etc is irrelevant. They just sound pretty immature. Thinking they are being clever and rebelling, but just looking like an idiot. I guess at that age you can’t force them.

What about UCAS references, are they applying for university? I wonder if by being a smart Alec, the references will be written with a tone to reflect what the teachers think of your child.

EarthlyNightshade · 07/10/2025 11:52

In Year 13 it's up to the student not the parent.

I hate any kind of gaming the system but if you let him (I can't help assume it's a DS) do this, or rather turn a blind eye, you might be able to push on another more important issue (keeping the good grades and the volunteering).

Being "smart" about things wears off as well after they have proven their point for a while.

isthesolution · 07/10/2025 11:53

Honestly - the school need to change the policy! Otherwise it clearly sets out this is allowed and it’s perfectly reasonable to be late once a week.

Also in year 13 with highest predicted grades and already having a job ….. the school really need to pick their battles! The kid is doing great.

Bushmillsbabe · 07/10/2025 11:54

Doing it 'because I can' no way.
Doing it because it benefits me in some way (extra revision time at home, cheaper train ticket etc) and doesn't harm anyone, then yes. Is there critical thought there, or just doing it to be a 'rebel' for sake of it.

I would only do on a Friday though, as if do another day then risk of getting an unplanned late.

At year 13, they are old enough to start making own decisions and to understand the consequences.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 07/10/2025 12:00

Obviously made the wrong choice for sixth forms. Mine went to a college that only required them to be present for lessons and tutor time. They had a whole study day per week where they didn’t have to go in but also, they would often go in late on days when they didn’t have 9ams or come home early if they were done for the day.

However, if the rule was you have to be there for 9 and stay til the end, they’d have been there for then.

I get it’s annoying but the rules are the rules.

snowlaser · 07/10/2025 12:02

If you go through life with the attitude “what’s the bare minimum I can do without being punished” you will have an unsuccessful and unfulfilling life.

Dweetfidilove · 07/10/2025 12:02

Great team player you're raising there 👍🏾.

Mymanyellow · 07/10/2025 12:04

Save it until Friday though. In case you actually are late one day and you've already used it.

TheBlueUser · 07/10/2025 12:05

I think they are old enough to make their own decisions, and tbh I wouldn't care if my child was doing this. I did similar at 6th form, and school made a fuss for a while but what can they do when it's within the rules.

If you can make a system work well for you, why wouldn't you - as long as you're not disadvantaging anyone else (which in this case he isn't). And it's not like they're missing any actual lesson time.

When its to do with sick leave at work though, I wouldn't be so happy with this because you're putting your other co workers under more stress, which isn't fair.