Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
purplepie1 · 08/10/2025 09:29

You are right to be worried and it’s better the police check it out. Could have moved, died or ill. If the latter they may not know how to ask for help.

LemonJellyLegs · 08/10/2025 09:42

SilkiePenguin · 07/10/2025 11:40

I would not assume Hulk would mention anything about Gentle if ND. Maybe if you asked directly he or his sister could say but sounds like sister is selective mute. Adult social care is voluntary. Do you think they would be registered with your GP? You can report concerns via them as well I think even if not registered.

Jesus. Now ND people are 'would be murderers'! Stop it!

Francestein · 08/10/2025 09:45

I’d be more concerned for the girls. Do a welfare check on them.

deeahgwitch · 08/10/2025 09:50

A very sad case in Ireland in the past week- A Mum, Dad and 27 year old son with special needs were murdered. Another son has been charged with their murders.
The third son spoke very eloquently at their funerals yesterday.
Utterly heartbreaking.

Journey1234 · 08/10/2025 10:03

This story instinctively made me think of the movie 🍿 (The Burbs)

Greeniemean · 08/10/2025 10:26

deeahgwitch · 08/10/2025 09:50

A very sad case in Ireland in the past week- A Mum, Dad and 27 year old son with special needs were murdered. Another son has been charged with their murders.
The third son spoke very eloquently at their funerals yesterday.
Utterly heartbreaking.

Wth that’s awful.

LadySuzanne · 08/10/2025 10:29

Francestein · 08/10/2025 09:45

I’d be more concerned for the girls. Do a welfare check on them.

OP has said that one sister died. The other sister must be middle-aged by now. Why are you referring to them as girls?

PlanetMa · 08/10/2025 10:30

SilkiePenguin · 07/10/2025 11:28

It sounds like both the brothers could be ND and the sister if she's not speaking. It could be gentle has gone into supported living, suicide or become reclusive but it would be good to know. ND can get fixated on sheds and do act differently.

Edited

“ND can get fixation on sheds”

Wtf?! 🧐🤨🙄

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 10:44

No updates as of yet, but just wanted to point out something...I have never said they had learning difficulties or that they were ND. Someone seems to have mentioned it at some point, and now I think it's being taken as a given.

Based on my interactions with them, I have never thought they have learning difficulties. The sisters worked and drive cars. Since being here, they have had their front garden repaved, pillars put up near their front door, roof done, back yard concreted (did that himself), sheds built....there's nothing to suggest they have issues in that sense.

Also, to the people who are accusing me of not having a life - 16 years they have been here. I would argue that if you work from home, in front of the window, it would be strange NOT to notice certain routines of the people around your house.

And to the people who have called me judgemental - stop acting like you don't judge people...everyone does, it's literally how we assess threats, etc.

Also, Strange/weird isn't synonymous with 'bad/evil' - but some people are weird/strange. I think I'm pretty weird tbh :/

OP posts:
notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 10:46

deeahgwitch · 08/10/2025 09:50

A very sad case in Ireland in the past week- A Mum, Dad and 27 year old son with special needs were murdered. Another son has been charged with their murders.
The third son spoke very eloquently at their funerals yesterday.
Utterly heartbreaking.

That is so sad. Poor family

OP posts:
Onegingerhead · 08/10/2025 10:48

OP, but have you contacted the police/requested welfare check?

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 10:50

Onegingerhead · 08/10/2025 10:48

OP, but have you contacted the police/requested welfare check?

yesterday

OP posts:
Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 08/10/2025 10:53

I don’t understand the hard time you are getting on here @notanoccultexpert . I think you have a valid concern and I hope the police get to the bottom of it.

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:10

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 10:50

yesterday

Even after the welfare check you will be none the wiser surely. The police have no obligation to give you an update. If they do isn't that a breach of data protection?

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 11:13

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:10

Even after the welfare check you will be none the wiser surely. The police have no obligation to give you an update. If they do isn't that a breach of data protection?

exactly...as i pointed out yesterday, hopefully I won't hear anything else. The only way I would notice/hear about something is if something terrible really has happened (i.e., if i see ambulences, police on the street), so let's hope this is the end of it for me

OP posts:
WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:13

theDudesmummy · 08/10/2025 00:34

Do you really think anyone would construe that reporting concern about a potentially vulnerable person as "wasting police time"? That is a serious misunderstanding of safeguarding principles and the role of the police.

Well, there is no reason for her to believe the Gentle brother has been "offed" other than that he doesn't live there anymore and Hulk built another shed (if he did murder him why didn't he use the original shed or is it too full of dead bodies?)

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:16

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 11:13

exactly...as i pointed out yesterday, hopefully I won't hear anything else. The only way I would notice/hear about something is if something terrible really has happened (i.e., if i see ambulences, police on the street), so let's hope this is the end of it for me

yeah but if he has murdered him he could just say that the brother moved out and he doesn't know where to. The whole exercise is pointless.

You say you work from home. Are you a writer? Are you allowing your imagination to impact on the way you perceive reality?

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:20

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 10:44

No updates as of yet, but just wanted to point out something...I have never said they had learning difficulties or that they were ND. Someone seems to have mentioned it at some point, and now I think it's being taken as a given.

Based on my interactions with them, I have never thought they have learning difficulties. The sisters worked and drive cars. Since being here, they have had their front garden repaved, pillars put up near their front door, roof done, back yard concreted (did that himself), sheds built....there's nothing to suggest they have issues in that sense.

Also, to the people who are accusing me of not having a life - 16 years they have been here. I would argue that if you work from home, in front of the window, it would be strange NOT to notice certain routines of the people around your house.

And to the people who have called me judgemental - stop acting like you don't judge people...everyone does, it's literally how we assess threats, etc.

Also, Strange/weird isn't synonymous with 'bad/evil' - but some people are weird/strange. I think I'm pretty weird tbh :/

The final thing I want to say is that initially you told us your suspicions were aroused by the building of a new shed, yet in this post you reveal new information that the shed building is part of a much bigger renovation project. That makes a difference to their reasons for erecting a new shed.

Onegingerhead · 08/10/2025 11:22

People do notice things and you don’t have to be particularly nosey or bored to pick up on what’s going on around you. And honestly, I don’t think the OP was wrong to request a welfare check. It’s perfectly normal to jump to conclusions in such cases.
For example, for a few years I used to see district nurses and carers regularly visiting one of my neighbours. About one ambulance a month, on average. Then one day a skip appeared, and a man in his 40s with a teenage boy were clearing the house into it. No nurses, no ambulances since. It’s fairly obvious what happened.
People notice things…

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 11:24

Onegingerhead · 08/10/2025 11:22

People do notice things and you don’t have to be particularly nosey or bored to pick up on what’s going on around you. And honestly, I don’t think the OP was wrong to request a welfare check. It’s perfectly normal to jump to conclusions in such cases.
For example, for a few years I used to see district nurses and carers regularly visiting one of my neighbours. About one ambulance a month, on average. Then one day a skip appeared, and a man in his 40s with a teenage boy were clearing the house into it. No nurses, no ambulances since. It’s fairly obvious what happened.
People notice things…

Did you assume they’d been murdered though?

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 11:26

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:16

yeah but if he has murdered him he could just say that the brother moved out and he doesn't know where to. The whole exercise is pointless.

You say you work from home. Are you a writer? Are you allowing your imagination to impact on the way you perceive reality?

well, someone said yesterday that the police will want to know where he has moved to if thats the case, so they can ascertain he is fine.

No I'm not a writer, I would think my piss poor attempt at structuring the OP would have alleviated anyone of that idea.

OP posts:
notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 11:27

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 11:20

The final thing I want to say is that initially you told us your suspicions were aroused by the building of a new shed, yet in this post you reveal new information that the shed building is part of a much bigger renovation project. That makes a difference to their reasons for erecting a new shed.

no, my suspicions were aroused when I realised how long it had been since i had seen the brother (after the conversation). THEN, we realised about the shed too. You're wrong anyway, nowhere did I say this was all done in one go....this is since his parents died, so maybe over the course of 10 years or something

OP posts:
notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 11:30

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 11:24

Did you assume they’d been murdered though?

I've already said twice now, that I regret the flippant way I titled this and the poll. I am thinking it's more likely, given what people have said, that he is either very ill or died a natural death, but might be still in the home.

OP posts:
BetterOffNow · 08/10/2025 11:31

You're getting such a hard time here @notanoccultexpert! You don't have to justify why you were concerned, the fact that you were and you've done something about it makes you a caring person.
I'd rather you were my neighbour than half the posters on here!
Hopefully it's an easily explained outcome...

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/10/2025 11:35

SilkiePenguin · 08/10/2025 03:52

An example of impact of innocent people being falsely accused for those with zero empathy.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/innocent-couple-branded-fred-rose-24624044#google_vignette

That is a story of ex good friends who fell out, one then starting a very personal attack on the other couple via writing notes, with no evidence whatsoever of the things she was accusing them of, she had been spoken to previously about this and had stopped, then restarted earlier this year.

This thread is about a very different situation.