Work, sickness, don’t know what to do

[Tiredmeno2025]

I need some opinions. I am early 40s, suspected perimenopause, rotator cuff in both shoulders, chronic fatigue, some days my body feels so inflammed. I’m having trouble sleeping and was having constant Utis although HRT has helped this (not the aches or tiredness though).

I work hybrid full time in the legal profession and it is wiping me out. Very busy role with deadlines. New systems being introduced, I have brain fog, keep getting headaches. GP has offered to sign me off but I said no as I only get one month at full pay then I would be on SSP and would feel guilty letting the department down as we are a small team all running on empty. But I’m sooo tired. I’ve been job hunting for some fully remote roles but they are few and far between. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me or how much longer I can go on. GP appointment follow up in 3 weeks. I keep asking for extra work from home days but I’m just feeling worse and worse as the weeks go on. I am a single parent so financial burden falls on me. I would love to be self employed so I can work more on my good days but realistically I need to bring in a reasonable income to survive. I get a small amount of UC top up. I could survive on SSP for a while but then what? And to be honest I would rather keep working. I’ve been looking for a role with less hours but I’m just getting rejections not even to the interview stage. I’m maybe over qualified for the part time roles I’ve applied for.

At the weekend I was seriously considering quitting and setting up as self employed, I’ve heard UC give a start up period of 12 months? I’m not even sure if that’s true and if it is what I could even do?

or just keep plugging away looking for a part time less stressful position?

I need all the options you can think of as I just can’t carry on like this!

I had a similar issue, though mainly mental health issues relating to perimenopause and took over a month off work while the HRT got into my system. If I were you I'd take the 4 weeks signed off and use that time to relax, regroup and possibly start looking for a new job. You owe it to yourself to take some time off for the benefit of your health.

I agree with @TealScroller

If it's just the commute to work that's the problem, I would definitely be looking for a 100% WFH position.

I do better on my work from home days as there’s no distractions I can get my work completed faster and take an extended lunch break. My manager frowns on working from home and only offers the 2 hybrid days because she has to with it being company policy. She fully works in the office as she said she doesn’t get anything done if she works from home. I feel the opposite, the office drains me!

Is your role able to be work from home without impacting your team?
If so Id be asking for a six month trial on basis of your health.

A colleague had to fight for similar as they had significant disability where wsnt possible to continue commuting but were able to work at home

Yes my role is fully doable from home. I currently work from home 2 days a week (Wednesdays and Thursdays) but all ready feel burnt out by Tuesday night.

I would ask for an occupational health referral to get your symptoms officially recorded as a starting point and this may support a request for a reasonable adjustment to work from home more

What supplements are you taking, get a cheap private blood test and check vitamin d, iron, magnesium, thyroid.

id start by supplementing the above anyway, it’s not going to do you any harm. Vitamin b injection, I have this monthly. Everyone should be taking vitamin d in uk. Magnesium at night an hour before bed, this is the best one after my extensive research £22.99 on Amazon.

hows your sex drive and your vagina? Any pain on sex? If so you may need extradiol cream/pessary for vaginal wall thinning. I also slap on testosterone twice a week so I have energy.

its a fucking full time job this shit at our age. 🤦‍♀️

I have vitamin b injections, take all the supplements and if I get any joint pain through my cycle I slap on an extra oestrogen patch

I also take 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before bed, get it from piping rock and it’s about 6 quid for about 6 months supply

doing all the above took me from 5 hours sleep, early waking at 4am to a full 7 hours every night

also stop drinking water and any liquid at 8pm or you’re getting up for a pee during the night

I'd take a week off, or a couple of weeks. That will give you time to get a bit of perspective and re-set. Sometimes stepping away helps you "see the wood for the trees" and work out whether the issue is really the office based nature of the job, your manager, your health. That will help you know what to really focus on sorting

Temporarily would changing one of your wfh days help so wfh Tues and Thurs so not doing consecutive office days. Then longer term make sure the hrt is at the correct dose, try magnesium. If that doesn’t work then look for alternative work.

Agree with this, alternating days works well for me

I have flexibility on the office days, we just can’t do Mondays or Fridays as it’s frowned upon. That could be a good idea to alternate them. It’s funny I feel I don’t get as much done in the office but come away feeling completely exhausted! I have no idea why, I find it completely draining 🤔

Can you use earplugs in the office? I find the noise draining if I need to really focus. I use loop earplugs but a couple of colleagues have proper noise cancelling headphones

I only work with a few other people so would worry earplugs would look rude?

I just pop them out if someone wants to talk to me, but they are great for deep focus work (drafting, research)

I work from home 2 days a week and I find it to be chaotic. It is a whirlwind, get up start breakfasts, get kis ready whilst getting myself ready, get kids to school, race back home and straight to work without giving myself any time to just breath and plan for the day ahead. The days I commute to work I leave the chaos behind and get 40 minutes of drive time. Stuck in traffic don't care not my fault. Arrive at work with my mind rested and ready to go. I also use earplugs in work and when not in use I am secretly listening to my favourite podcast.

Op - I could’ve almost written this myself.

Get an occupational health referral for your fatigue, shoulders etc. This could help support you in a request for extra WFH days.

I’ve had blood tests showing low levels of ferritin, folate, vit D & B12 - I’m just starting supplements and hope this will help with the fatigue/lack of energy. Sounds like it would be worth you doing the same.

Have you seen anyone for your shoulders? Might be worth getting a referral to orthopaedics to see what they can offer.

Id be tempted to get signed off for a couple of weeks to give yourself a break, apply for some different jobs and/or look at the self employed option more.

I’ve got an mri booked for my shoulders. It seems quite a few of us in this position!

1. get occupational health involved

2. don’t worry about your colleagues - you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm

3. look at Collagen supplements. I have been taking Amcient and Brave and feel so much better. My friend takes Ellevate and is like a new woman.

Before you quit - explore every treatment route with your GP for every symptom you have.

I have so many prescriptions for meds I didn't even know existed.

Second exercise reasonable adjustments.

I rememher when my shoulder inexplicably froze - its really common in women after late 30s.

I had awful shoulder pain, it was confirmed as being inflammation of the supraspinatus and was warned it would take months to recover. My physio described the ultrasound images as grim! At the same time, and for unrelated reasons, I started HRT patches due to a long list of peri menopausal symptoms. Within two weeks my shoulder pain disappeared, completely! It is seemingly very common but I am so glad HRT patches sorted it as it was pure agony. I hope you get some relief soon

You need a full raft of blood tests for all the things pps have outlined above, and for your thyroid.

Low thyroid is pretty common and really wipes you out. Very easily fixed with medication so definitely worth looking into.

Your GP should be able to organise this, it is pretty standard stuff.

What about asking your job to go part time for couple of months and see how you are getting on?