Work, sickness, don’t know what to do

[Tiredmeno2025]

I need some opinions. I am early 40s, suspected perimenopause, rotator cuff in both shoulders, chronic fatigue, some days my body feels so inflammed. I’m having trouble sleeping and was having constant Utis although HRT has helped this (not the aches or tiredness though).

I work hybrid full time in the legal profession and it is wiping me out. Very busy role with deadlines. New systems being introduced, I have brain fog, keep getting headaches. GP has offered to sign me off but I said no as I only get one month at full pay then I would be on SSP and would feel guilty letting the department down as we are a small team all running on empty. But I’m sooo tired. I’ve been job hunting for some fully remote roles but they are few and far between. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me or how much longer I can go on. GP appointment follow up in 3 weeks. I keep asking for extra work from home days but I’m just feeling worse and worse as the weeks go on. I am a single parent so financial burden falls on me. I would love to be self employed so I can work more on my good days but realistically I need to bring in a reasonable income to survive. I get a small amount of UC top up. I could survive on SSP for a while but then what? And to be honest I would rather keep working. I’ve been looking for a role with less hours but I’m just getting rejections not even to the interview stage. I’m maybe over qualified for the part time roles I’ve applied for.

You have said you get a top up with UC. Which means your salary must be low. And little savings.

Look at 'entitled to' and 'salary calculator ' plug in your numbers if you were going part time. Also play with putting some of your salary into pension and see if this means you could have the same ' take home ' pay as you have now.

Also, plug in 16 hrs at min wage and see where that lands you for support from UC.

I get what you mean about struggling through and being constantly stressed financially and knowing you can never have a break and just having to push through. I've recently plugged my numbers in and looked at what I'd get based on 16 hr week at min wage and I was very surprised how much I was eligible for.

Also, I know this is going to sound counter intuitive, but how about exercise?

Keep on at the GP @Tiredmeno2025

While lots of what you describe sounds like perimenopause/single motherhood/middle age/life, it also could be all sorts of other things from anaemia to thyroid problems. The GP should take you seriously. Explain the impact it's having on your life, your ability to do your job and to look after yourself and your family. Press for tweaks to HRT, tests to rule out various nutrient deficiencies and autoimmune conditions.

Can you make use of your annual leave and maybe the occasional sick day to carve out a bit of recovery time? Do you have help with the kids at the weekend? Do you ever get some time to yourself?

It sounds like you're having a really tough time. Listen to your body - you need a break!

It seems I have a lot of inflammation going on with the tendon problems and chronic sinus issues. I feel week for not being able to manage though and a bit of a let down at work even though I’m keeping on top of everything. So I guess I am managing. But feel completely exhausted and unhappy

I think I would look at getting more investigations because it might be something easily treatable that's causing this.

I'd get access to my test results (NHS app) and ensure you've had blood tests for thyroid, inflammatory markers (can show auto immune things), all the vitamins and minerals (B12, D. Iron etc), liver function tests. See if any if the tests are within range but actually borderline.

Go back to the gp with a list of symptoms. They might be able to give you medication to sleep better which might then reduce the inflammation. They might also have suggestions of further tests.

Treat the sinusitis. I buy Beconase from Amazon but you may need something more from the GP.

Make some simple rules you can stick to. I cut out caffeine and most alcohol, i eat base foods, i walk 5000 steps a day. I use evenings and weekends to rest. If i can't sleep or wake up at 4am i listen to Michael Mosley's Deepcalm podcasts (Bbc Sounds) until i'm back asleep. With these I manage to stay working because i part fund my dc at uni.

My conditions aren't really treatable but you might well have something that is.

Could there be more than one thing going on OP? For me, covid knocked me for six even though my initial infection was mild. Pushing through in retrospect (after initial infection) was the worst thing I could have done. Some of the symptoms overlap with menopause and can also exacerbate the symptoms of menopause. Have your bloods checked - some things such as ferritin may be ‘normal’ on blood tests, but are far beneath the nice guidelines for intervention. You are already running on empty, so it is unsurprising that going into the office is a further toll on you, plus more frequent interruptions make it harder to focus. I can’t do over a week now what I used to be able to manage in one morning before going into the office. Good luck.

I’m wondering if there is something in going back to the office after covid lockdown for a lot of people, it has felt more exhausting for quite a while but now I’m in perimenopause it’s getting worse

Why not let the dr sign you off at least for a couple of weeks? It doesn’t have to be for over a month to be effective, and they won’t usually do it for that long anyway.

Then you could have some investigations in that time, as well as resting, as well as working with their occupational health.

It’s not down to you how your work cover your sickness - they shouldn’t be putting you all in the position of “running on empty”.

And start looking for another job!