Work, sickness, don’t know what to do

[Tiredmeno2025]

I need some opinions. I am early 40s, suspected perimenopause, rotator cuff in both shoulders, chronic fatigue, some days my body feels so inflammed. I’m having trouble sleeping and was having constant Utis although HRT has helped this (not the aches or tiredness though).

I work hybrid full time in the legal profession and it is wiping me out. Very busy role with deadlines. New systems being introduced, I have brain fog, keep getting headaches. GP has offered to sign me off but I said no as I only get one month at full pay then I would be on SSP and would feel guilty letting the department down as we are a small team all running on empty. But I’m sooo tired. I’ve been job hunting for some fully remote roles but they are few and far between. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me or how much longer I can go on. GP appointment follow up in 3 weeks. I keep asking for extra work from home days but I’m just feeling worse and worse as the weeks go on. I am a single parent so financial burden falls on me. I would love to be self employed so I can work more on my good days but realistically I need to bring in a reasonable income to survive. I get a small amount of UC top up. I could survive on SSP for a while but then what? And to be honest I would rather keep working. I’ve been looking for a role with less hours but I’m just getting rejections not even to the interview stage. I’m maybe over qualified for the part time roles I’ve applied for.

Ah.bless you - I really feel for you. You sound like you are suffering from burn out or very near it. Just my assumptions from what you have said and you need to get the full bloods done to rule out anything major and some more sensitive ones for thyroid etc I expect you are probably low on nutrients and self care from being a rushed overwhelmed single mum now hitting perimenopause. And rather than being able to slow down and go part time you have become really over stressed. Brain fog can also be a sign of stress and burn out aswell as perimenopause.

You need to involve occupational health once you go beyond getting doctor to sign off - guilt is something you need to put to one side here. Appreciate what you say about sole earner but you end up with a breakdown / burn out you won’t be any good to anyone.

One thing you can start doing is focussing on the main 3 priorities - sleep , diet and exercise. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise as the exercise will help with stress. The shoulders (if you can be sure are not serious injury/confition) but more tight through stress you can start some gentle flexibility work. Once aches and pains and inflammation kicked in for me I started doing weights aswell as cross trainer . It was a game changer. The fatigue has gone, the stress has wound down. Try a 10 minute mindful meditation practice every morning focussing on breath awareness as that helps you start the day more grounded and in a present peaceful place rather than pick up your phone and have 200 racing thoughts before you get out of bed! Then try 2 mins in day. That was also a game changer. All this takes discipline but it’s necessary.

in summary

1. Main health tests first get them booked and done
2. speak to work about more flexible working to help with symptoms and then go to GP if not then occupational health
3. Sleep food supplements exercise ( to include weights and flexibility) routine

My diet - I cut out a lot of sugar and eat mainly fresh non processed food. Lose excess weight- it is possible. That helps too. Slowly though. Through sensible good wholesome foods- nuts/ seeds, Greek yoghurt, berries, salads , pulses and grains, sweet potatoes, lean chicken and fish , hummus. Other fruits for good gut health

Good luck !! There are other less stressful jobs but changing your mindset and caring less about work and more about you is important. Make sure you set and communicate clear boundaries so you don’t take on more than you can cope with.

This is what I was going to suggest too

Also, can you afford to reduce your hours? Go to 4 days? Possibly compressed hours? I do 4.5 days (0.9fte) over 4 days so I haven’t dropped too much salary but I get a good work:life balance as a result

I could see if I could reduce my hours very slightly so that’s an idea. I’m also noticing a pattern than the inflammation is worse for the two weeks before my period, and the tiredness. Could this be related to perimenopause?

Some really good advice on this thread thank you 😊

Definitely get bloods done if you haven't already, tiredness can be caused by many things which are treatable.

I’ve had a full blood count, nothing was showing up. I have a lot of tendon problems, the rotator cuff shoulders, tendonitis in both thumbs and plantar fasciitis in both feet. I also have some aches in my neck. It’s always there but all flairs up really badly in the 10 days before my period and I start to feel like I have no energy to carry on. Even cooking dinner feels exhausting!

some options to consider: you may need to have testosterone added into you HRT. This can be the missing link around the brain fog, body pains etc.

also and for full bloods, thyroid and B12.

you could make a flexible working application to reduce hours and take mid week off.

you need to ask your gp to refer you for the fatigue and investigate this further, plus refer for the rotator cuff injury (having done this myself it takes a good year to recover).

for sleep start magnesium. I also brought from the US melatonin to help get me to sleep. It might be your HRT needs adjusting too if not sleeping. Xxx

Hi @Tiredmeno2025 - you have my sympathy… also a single mum, had a tiring job and went through menopause early.

i agree with everything on this thread in terms of advice given to you - bloods, adjusting HRT (I tried 3 before I found one that helped); vitamins - take an array! Healthy diet, seeds, daily juices, running, walking whatever you can fit in (don’t take elevators, walk instead of bus, park further away from office if time is super tight) AND go to bed early with a good book.

On top of this I would add take tumeric!!!!

im in my early sixties and feel better than my peri menopause era and every time I ache I increase the amount of tumeric and spiralina in my green shake and I just feel better. It never fails me - honestly it’s like a little miracle for my for aches and pains! Good luck x

I know you said that the doctor had done a full blood count, but have they checked things such as your thyroid, etc, which l can cause tiredness, aches etc. I went to the doctor with tiredness, brain fog, feeling of wearing socks when i wasn't etc. Thought it was either my thyroid ( i am on thyroxin for underactive thyroid) or I was anaemic. Turns out that I my iron levels were low. However, the doctor did a full range of bloods to rule out other things. It also flagged up raised celiac antibodies, which is being looked into. I am perimenopausal, had physio just over a year ago for a rotator cuff injury which led to a frozen shoulder, and am now waiting for physio for my knees and my lower back. (Knee x rays confirm that the cartilage is warn).

First of all, I feel your pain! All of it! I hate the brain fog more than any of the other symptoms!
What is your company's menopause policy? They may not have one yet, but they will have to by next year. Speak with HR. Ask to be referred to Occupational Health - they should be able to make suggestions to help you be the most productive and not burn out. Ask the GP for some more blood tests and ask to be put on testosterone, this is my next step, as nothing else has helped. I was a single mum too a while ago and I know what it feels like you have to do whatever it takes to provide for your child. Don't let work bully you into working in a way that will make you more unwell, it won't help anyone in the long run. They need to understand this. I wish I gave myself this piece of advice 11 months ago when my nightmare at work started, I allowed them to put me on a PIP, even though that was not the right decision, them knowing full well what I was going through mentally and physically! Hope you sort things out!

Have you had a sleep test? I was diagnosed with sleep apneoa last year (basically my air waves were closing whilst I was sleeping which was stopping me breathing just momentarily, but over and over again.) I had no idea this was happening and only got a sleep test after a friend talked about it.
On e I got treatment and started actually sleeping I felt so much better I can hardly describe it. I realize that I had spent the last few years before this slowly sinking being more and more tired and in the last year feel energized and more like myself again.
If you haven't had a sleep test then definitely get one!

I do have chronic sinusitis so have wondered about sleep apnea!

No real advice OP but just offering a hand hold. I spent 11 years in the legal profession and finally reached breaking point 2 years ago and left - it was the best decision of my life and I now feel like a new woman! I'm not sure if working as a consultant would be an option for you to have more control of your workload etc?

NC for this. Don't quit. Don't feel guilty. Prioritise your health. If it's a disability you can ask for reasonable adjustments and wfh is a RA. Stay strong and calm. Document your reasoning calmly and without emotion. I know it's tough but you have to think entirely of yourself here. Medical notes, GP appointments etc

Take time off if you're offered it. I know you feel bad because the company are struggling, but honestly, if you died due to exhaustion they'd replace you quickly without a second though. You have to look after yourself first and foremost.

I have thought about asking to work from home instead of quitting but I’m not sure that will go down well.

I think I could cope better if I was fully remote

I don’t know what’s wrong with me that an office day wipes me out. When at home on my remote days I actually get more done but feel less tired!

It's the travel that takes it out of me. Things i'd suggest are have virtually no caffeine or alcohol. If you really want a drink have beer as wine is awful for sleep and utis. Take vitamins. B and D for me, then magnesium at night. Walk for at least half an hour every day. Stick to healthy food. Do some deep breathing. There are loads of podcasts. It is beneficial to your nervous system. It's surprising how it helps. If you want to check any vitamin levels Medichecks is reasonably cheap. But i'd honestly try and improve your health rather than throw in the towel. I work hybrid full time with similar health issues but it can be a struggle. My travel is only half an hour each way though. I know i couldn't do more than that.

My travel is only 20 minutes. I don’t know why an office day takes it out of me so much.

Op I would try everything else before quitting without something better to go to. It doesn’t sound like the role is particularly terrible and many of these issues are health ones not job ones per se. Part time jobs in law are rare, so is remote so I wouldn’t just quit assuming you can pick one up.

If you have private medical insurance I would try and speak to a perimenopause specialist. It might be the case that you should consider HRT.

in the interim I would agree that having wfh Tuesday and Thursday helps split it up. And wear noise cancellation headsets in the office so you can concentrate.

You can ask the GP for a sleep test or could pay privately. I got one from and company called Intus and there is a great charity called Hope2sleep who also do them.
Mine was really easy to do - you have a couple of leads to stick to your chest, a finger sensor and then a watch to wear and then it monitors heart rate and oxygen levels overnight. It showed I had severe sleep apneoa.
I cannot overstate how revolutionary getting it sorted has been for me so I would recommend anyone with unexplained fatigue exploring it as an option because it's relatively easy to treat and has made a massive difference to my life.

Sometimes it's people for me. So much easier when you can just sit quietly at home.

Yes it probably is people. I think it’s so great to work from home I now struggle on the office days. I feel totally over stimulated and can’t concentrate. That and the lack of sleep. I just feel tired, overwhelmed and unproductive

Also the body aches make me feel about 90. I just don’t want to be there I want to be at home in a nice warm bath. It’s now my work from home day but I feel in too much pain and too tired to be fully productive now. I just don’t know how long I can keep going, but financially I have too