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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Finally admitting a lie!

81 replies

EJMOM14 · 06/10/2025 08:07

My children play with all their cousins, around 6 months ago we was at my sisters house and there was an incident by which her garden furniture was all scratched - it looked like it had been scored with something. This turned into a large event by which all the kids had been called inside, including my 3, and questioned who scratched the new furniture, every child said it wasn’t them.
we always have little things breaking when the kids get together but this furniture scratch was really bad.
it then caused a big family argument my sister said her kids said it was one of my kids, my other sister said her kids would definitely not do that etc.
so when we got home i questioned my kids individually and asked them to tell the truth if it was them they both said no.
I asked my sister again if she knew who it was she said no, a few weeks after its got a little bit awkward now we have stopped getting together and seeing each other - i asked my sister if she was free one weekend she said no but when i spoke to my other sister she said she had been round hers
This made me think she thought it was my kids so we all fell out there was a big argument
we have not spoke in ages
she since had her furniture replaced as the scratches were really bad .

Fast forward to now 6 months on, i was speaking to my DS about lying as one of the kids at school had lied and got in trouble, he said he don’t want to lie and i said to him he can’t lie to me i am his mom no matter what
he then said mom can i tell you
something but please don’t tell anyone i said yes he said it was me i scratched aunties furniture i found a small
stick thing and i was drawing patterns.

I am absolutely mortified, i thanked him for being honest and explained how wrong that was but i also explained you cannot lie about these things and he should always tell me the truth,
he has now begged me not to tell my DH or my sister.
what do i do, do i leave it and let it settle for a while or do i admit it was one of my kids?

OP posts:

Arlanymor · 06/10/2025 16:59

MumChp · 06/10/2025 08:09

You let your sister know. I would offer to pay for the new furniture.

First poster nails it. Do this.

Wakeuplittlebunnies · 06/10/2025 16:59

Protect your son. He will get blamed for everything that happens if you admit it. Draw a line under it. Your son has also trusted you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/10/2025 17:05

You might want to edit your OP to include his age. As a lot of the suggestions aren't appropriate (writing a letter, paying a contribution out of pocket money) aren't appropriate for such a young child. Young kids do stupid stuff and the intent isn't vindictive like it might have been in an older child. I would tell your sister though but would ask that she doesn't take it up with your son.

tequilam0ckingbird · 06/10/2025 18:03

yep, now I can see he's 4, I wouldn't be telling sister at all! esp as her kids have done damage to your stuff. I'd be praising him for being honest... "well you shouldn't have done this, and should have owned up sooner but I'm glad you told me eventually".

Zanatdy · 06/10/2025 19:00

EJMOM14 · 06/10/2025 16:13

Hi all,
Thank you for all the responses, I have taken the time to reach each one.
This was my first ever post and a hard one for me to write because this situation has been very upsetting for me.
To clarify a few points:

my son at the time was 4, he is now 5
her children didn’t see him do it, they presumed by eliminating others, he is the youngest of all the cousins

Looking back we should have asked them all individually that was a bad call on my behalf, I thought openly asking the children together we would catch on to reactions but i accept that was not appropriate to ask them all together.

Both my sister’s have a tendency to never admit it’s their children, we have had a past incidents for examples when were at my house my sisters child who is 8 smashed a plant pot, when asked what happened she said she was pushed over, thankfully we have blink cameras and saw that she simply was moving it to hide behind the plant pots and it dropped. But in the very beginning my sister said her DD wouldn’t have touched the pot.

I think it’s got to a point where there is 10 children ranging from ages 9 - 5 and it can get quite hectic/ boisterous and it becomes a blame game for children.

The garden furniture was made into a big deal from us adults, which i accept, but ultimately no one did see my DS do it but they all said he was the only one who last behind the sofas in the garden. But again when questioned, he said no.

It was not necessarily the furniture but i am more annoyed he lied even when we got home and spoke about it in private. He is very sorry.

I am going to go round to my sisters with my DS to apologise but also to offer money for it, but I also want both my sisters to come to an understanding that there have been other incidents where their children have had chances to own up and haven’t (like when things have broken at mine) I could name other incidents such as my other sister DS got a pen and drew on my walls initially blamed my DS who was 2 at the time and then admitted it was him, my sister said they’re only kids and it’s only pen it will wipe off.

I suppose it’s hard to summarise the whole situation in a snippet but I think that the garden furniture was the last straw for us all hence the whole argument. It’s not necessarily that we argued over the furniture but the constant arguments and lies between the children and when anything happens to my stuff it’s fine not a big deal but when ever it’s their stuff it is a big deal.

I think a lot of these posts have given me food for thought, i by no means am a perfect parent, but clearly my DS has gone from telling me everything to lying.

He is very young so hopefully your sister will be graceful. If you’re going to apologise, don’t have a big list of but your child did x,y,z. That’s not a real apology. I guess if they start to say things you can have it up your sleeve, but your apology will not be genuine if you’re going in on the defensive.

pteromum · 06/10/2025 19:07

So much to unpick here.

a four year old.

a ruined close relationship with family.

is any of this worth it?

he should have told the truth, but wow it was six months ago. I’m more shocked he remembers it which suggests did he do it? Or is he missing the relationship and now feels safe to say it was him and get it back? Or was he genuinely terrified of her?

I would meet her alone. For a drink or a walk. And talk it over.

I would not make him do anything.

adult reactions six months after an event are not in a four year olds brain.

Even if he did do it, so much time has passed to make this a big deal again.

focus on the telling the truth, always.

You don’t see sister much now anyway, meet her, offer the resolution's and peace as an adult, moving forward if it is not mentioned due to the circumstances and age.

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