I’m 26, and I’m not saving for a house or planning to move out

[WeCouldBeNice]

And apparently that’s a very unpopular decision amongst certain family members.

I have grown up always listening to my mum and grandmother saying that they regretted not travelling more in their youth. So I’m doing it, before I can have any regrets.

i work a job that pays just under £25k. Moving out would be miserable. I’d exist to pay my bills and nothing more. I am unable to borrow enough to even purchase a flat in my local area. So I’m spending all my money on travelling instead. Short trips. Weekends away and longer European trips next year.

my older brothers are horrified by this (despite both doing it themselves). They think I should be moved out and renting by now.

my dad turned round to them yesterday and asked if they wanted to ever see their daughters struggling and unhappy. They obviously said no, so he asked why they expected that of me. They couldn’t really answer.

theoretically I could take the money I’m putting into my travel savings each month and use it to save for a house. But I’d never get a big enough deposit to allow me to buy anything even anywhere near decent to live in. And I’d then be bound to a mortgage and never be able to do anything other than sit at home.

is it really that bad to do this?

I so hope that is true. With 3 young adult DC house prices really worry me!

God, me too!

This thread makes me think of a scene in Alan Partridge when he's bored and rings his son from the hotel room; "Fernando, you’re twenty two years old and you’re spending your Saturday afternoon in bed with a girl, you’re wasting your life!

OP you mention a 'decade of unhappiness'. This implies something very traumatic, could this be the reason for for you not wanting to face up to adult responsibilities?

My middle son bought a small (small being the operative word) house and moved out 2 years ago at the age of 26 but he lived at home until then to save a deposit to enable him to do this. My 30 and 19 year olds still live here. My 19 year old moves out next month as he is moving a distance for a new job. He’s renting but rents are cheap where he is going and he will buy if he decides to stay there. My eldest is beginning to talk about flats and has a large deposit ready when he is. I have enjoyed having them all at home for longer than most people consider normal but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ready to see them make the move to independence. A few of their friends still live at home but most have now bought or rented.

I don’t imagine your parents would ever throw you out but there may come a time when they would like their house for themselves so it would be sensible to save something for the future.

Unlikely to be much carefree afternoon shagging going on with keeping the noise down cause Mum, Dad and little brother are all home.

Spontaneity must be curtailed surely!

It does make sense in some ways. Many on here moan about older people in 4 bed houses etc. There is a huge housing shortage. Obviously only works if everyone gets on. Not sure I could live with my DM now. And it’s not so easy if there’s 3 generations, though some cultures do manage it.

Your parents are clearly very well off and you're benefitting from that, which is no bad thing. If I were them I'd be a bit concerned that you haven't learned good habits for being an adult - I'd be fine with a 22 year old not saving anything but I'd be pretty peeved if my 26 year old wasn't planning for their future.

Are you hoping they might give you one of their properties, or allow you to live there at a low rent?

And I'm not sure many older parents want to live with their DC and grandchildren.

As long as your parents are happy and it’s working for you all then why not! I want my kids to have a chance to live and not just be slogging away to pay rent and survive. I want them to have a life. If that means spending some of their adult years at home then so be it.

See the thing is I am saving. They’re just savings at the moment though. Not put towards a certain thing. I’ve said £700 this month and likely will next month as well. December is more expensive but I’ll get cash for Christmas so it evens out.

I find it sad that so many people on Mumsnet seem to dislike their children so much

But if you plan to move out at 30, how will you fund it if not actively saving for it?

I'm 34, I moved out at 24 into a flat with my friend without a full time job, some months I barely made enough money to cover the rent, I think one month I only came out with £400 😅
Over the 2.5 years I lived with her I racked up a bit of debt on credit cards (only 3k) by going on holiday to Spain twice - couldn't afford it otherwise! I was also still in the phase of going out drinking and socialising a lot and being skint didnt phase me one bit !
In the second year of living with her I met my now husband. I moved back in with my parents for a 18 months, got a full time job (only 16-18k though!!), SAVED A LOT (still managed a couple of holidays!!) and paid back the 3k credit card debt. After the 18 months were up me and my now husband bought our first house together, I was 27. We had absolutely no money bar a couple hundred quid left at the end of the month to do stuff with, but we saved what we could and prioritised.
7 years later, we're on our second mortgage, have numerous investments, have 2 dogs and are expecting our first child
We have travelled sufficiently and have been able to go on around 5 - 6 trips a year (not all abroad, some staycations) and when we have a child im not expecting this to change. We are also planning on taking child to either America or Australia and roadtripping in a few years
Yes, our income has gone up significantly im the past 10 years - im talking going from about 40k combined to almost 100k combined, but the biggest jump of that has only been in the past two years
What im saying is, yes I used to be skint and all my money used to cover my bills and nothing else. I dont regret a single second of it as i now have life experience and i learnt how to manage my money. I would however have regretted it if I didnt move out as I would have gained no independence / life skills
And nothing stays the same in life either.. you will find promotions and earn more money, but my advice would be to not wait for that because you because accustomed to what you earn and you need to learn to prioritise.

I dont mean to come across as preachy or 'look what I did' - your current way of living isnt affecting anyone else and it sounds like everyone involved (you and your parents) are currently happy with the arrangement - but my opinion is that you will be able lot happier in the long term if you make a few sacrifices now

I think it’s weird too - I have elderly parents, children and now a grandchild and I’d be more than happy for us all to live together if circumstances allowed it.

I’d hate that.

I don’t know how hard it is to read that I am saving, but I guess it’s just difficult for you

@wordler would you like all your inlaws living with you too?

It's probably the entitled complacency that annoys your brothers, as much as the actual travelling.
I personally think you use too many exclamation marks.

@WeCouldBeNice so how much do you think you will have saved by the time you move out? Will you also get a hand out from your parents?

So contrary to the title of your post, you are saving and you are planning on moving out?

I’m saving but at the moment it’s not for a house.

They did score same thing so I think it’s just actually hypocrisy!

If you and your parents are happy with the arrangement, then why not, as long as you've really looked into the financial ramifications of your choices.

It's not a choice I would have made. TBH I would have done anything to avoid living with my parents at the age of 26. And we got on very well, they are lovely people, but I very much wanted to be on my own and fully independent. The last time I lived with my parents was the summer I was 20 years old. I graduated from university the following year and lived on my own, financially independent from then on. I couldn't afford to buy a house for many years, which didn't bother me, though I ultimately got on the property ladder. But that worked for me. Times are different.