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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sarah & Dean MAFS UK **No Spoilers**

64 replies

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 20:46

Just catching up when they’re at the first commitment ceremony and I feel sorry for Sarah with the way the ‘experts’ went on at her for being disrespectful etc…

I felt sorry for her during this episode as they made her feel so small for saying Dean gives her the ick with all the singing and performing but she was telling her fellow contestants. They said she was disrespectful but I think she’s just being honest as she doesn’t fancy him.

Anyone that’s seen it feel they weren’t fair on Sarah?

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 05/10/2025 20:59

There's a difference between not being attracted to someone and slagging them off to anyone who will listen.

TickyandTacky · 05/10/2025 21:02

She was rude and unkind. No man would get away with speaking about a woman like that and we should hold ourselves to the same standards.

KeenGreen · 05/10/2025 21:32

DoYouReally · 05/10/2025 20:59

There's a difference between not being attracted to someone and slagging them off to anyone who will listen.

This^

She mocked him and called him a care bear! This was disrespectful!

It wasn’t her just saying, I haven’t got a physical spark yet.

Nearly50omg · 05/10/2025 21:38

She was nasty, mean and horrible to her husband! Why the hell would you feel sorry for her?? Unless it’s because she has a face like a bag of spanner’s?😂

Coconutter24 · 05/10/2025 22:03

She’s spoke awful about him, she’s plain nasty the way she talks about him (to anyone that will listen) and the looks she’s constantly given the camera. It’s one thing to not fancy someone or find them irritating, I myself would find the wrapping cringe but I wouldn’t speak down on him. She thinks she’s far better than him and she’s really not.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 05/10/2025 22:04

Ironically I think they are quite well matched in the looks department.

QuirkyHorse · 05/10/2025 22:08

I had a bad feeling about her and her face pulling from the hen party.
She's not a nice person.

Sunfloweranddaisy · 05/10/2025 22:09

I agreed with her that the signing and rapping would have given me the ick but then she was just plain rude by going on about his weight and calling him a care bear to anyone who would listen.
Also saying he needs to get tattoos and loose weight, she was being disrespectful.

He isn’t her type which is fine but there is ways of saying it.

Her behaviour needed pulling up which they did.

She should have put leave but she is only there for the limelight and unfortunately for her she isn’t getting the limelight for the right reasons.

CoastalCalm · 05/10/2025 22:10

Couldn’t disagree more , the way she went round the first dinner partner and brought him done to everyone she spoke to was vile , it’s fair enough to say she’s not attracted to him initially but she took it way past that point

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:30

KeenGreen · 05/10/2025 21:32

This^

She mocked him and called him a care bear! This was disrespectful!

It wasn’t her just saying, I haven’t got a physical spark yet.

Edited

I didn’t see it like that at all. It was all in context when she was asked by her fellow contestants. She said she didn’t find him attractive physically and you can’t help that and she did say to him she’s not attracted to him and he knows why.

Should she not tell him why and be honest? I think that’s disingenuous as they’d had the conversation as he asked her directly about his weight and whether she’d been with someone larger and she said no.

She acknowledged he’s a lovely guy as a friend and I think that’s where the care bear comment came in as she was saying he’s lovely, caring etc and like a big cuddly bear. Perhaps it was a bit patronising to say about your DH but I disagree it was in malice.

She doesn’t find him attractive physically and she shouldn’t be shamed for saying why imo

OP posts:
CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:32

Nearly50omg · 05/10/2025 21:38

She was nasty, mean and horrible to her husband! Why the hell would you feel sorry for her?? Unless it’s because she has a face like a bag of spanner’s?😂

Should she keep quiet and not be honest?

OP posts:
TheSixthBestOption · 05/10/2025 22:32

There is a big difference between being "honest" and being mean, judgmental and disrespectful. She was the latter.

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:34

Coconutter24 · 05/10/2025 22:03

She’s spoke awful about him, she’s plain nasty the way she talks about him (to anyone that will listen) and the looks she’s constantly given the camera. It’s one thing to not fancy someone or find them irritating, I myself would find the wrapping cringe but I wouldn’t speak down on him. She thinks she’s far better than him and she’s really not.

I don’t think she thinks she’s far better than him, but you can’t force attraction. He’s clearly a nice guy but plenty of women don’t want a nice guy.

OP posts:
CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:35

TheSixthBestOption · 05/10/2025 22:32

There is a big difference between being "honest" and being mean, judgmental and disrespectful. She was the latter.

So when others ask ‘How’s it’s going’, what would be appropriate to say when you’re not attracted to your OH at all? How would you word it?

OP posts:
MrsMAFs · 05/10/2025 22:38

I do think Sarah was rude and unkind but really felt for her in the intimacy challenge.

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:39

CoastalCalm · 05/10/2025 22:10

Couldn’t disagree more , the way she went round the first dinner partner and brought him done to everyone she spoke to was vile , it’s fair enough to say she’s not attracted to him initially but she took it way past that point

I think that’s because people keep prying and asking the whys and how’s. So you’d have to be really honest and explain why

OP posts:
CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:40

MrsMAFs · 05/10/2025 22:38

I do think Sarah was rude and unkind but really felt for her in the intimacy challenge.

I’m not that far on yet 🫣😂

OP posts:
TheSixthBestOption · 05/10/2025 22:43

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:35

So when others ask ‘How’s it’s going’, what would be appropriate to say when you’re not attracted to your OH at all? How would you word it?

Edited

I would say something like "I dont feel a spark yet and Im not sure if the attraction will grow". Not call him a care bear, make fun of him to everyone you speak to, roll your eyes at him and make rude faces when he talks. Its perfectly possible to be honest without being rude, mean and disrespectful. Imagine if it was the other way around and he said that he wasn't attracted to her as she has a big stomach and he's never dated anyone who isn't "in shape"? Its not a difficult concept to understand how mean and rude she was.

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:59

TheSixthBestOption · 05/10/2025 22:43

I would say something like "I dont feel a spark yet and Im not sure if the attraction will grow". Not call him a care bear, make fun of him to everyone you speak to, roll your eyes at him and make rude faces when he talks. Its perfectly possible to be honest without being rude, mean and disrespectful. Imagine if it was the other way around and he said that he wasn't attracted to her as she has a big stomach and he's never dated anyone who isn't "in shape"? Its not a difficult concept to understand how mean and rude she was.

But they constantly say be honest, open up to your partner etc etc and she did and his weight was mentioned but apparently that’s off the cards and makes you shallow to say you’re not attracted to someone who is over weight. It seems hypocritical to say ‘be honest’ but then scold someone for being just that.

OP posts:
TheSixthBestOption · 05/10/2025 23:07

If you can't tell the difference between the two ways of speaking to someone that I mentioned above then not sure there's any point engaging in this thread any more.

Nearly50omg · 05/10/2025 23:12

CandleMug · 05/10/2025 22:32

Should she keep quiet and not be honest?

There’s a HUGE difference between being honest and being nasty and mean about someone! She wasn’t pulled up about her behavior by the experts for nothing! The other wives and husbands faces said it all too

SabrinaThwaite · 05/10/2025 23:17

Nearly50omg · 05/10/2025 21:38

She was nasty, mean and horrible to her husband! Why the hell would you feel sorry for her?? Unless it’s because she has a face like a bag of spanner’s?😂

‘Face like a bag of spanners’.

That’s nasty, mean and horrible.

Well done you.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 06/10/2025 01:25

#team Sarah

Shes been thrown under a bus
dean is milking this for all he’s worth

Making them do the intimacy thing this early when she doesn’t fancy him - wrong on all levels

soverymuchdone · 06/10/2025 01:47

I'm finding it very uncomfortable this series watching Sarah, Grace, and Leigh being pressured into intimacy with people they clearly aren't attracted to, and getting unsympathetic edits due to their reluctance to consummate the 'marriage'. It's not fair on them and it's not fair on their partners.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 06/10/2025 01:49

soverymuchdone · 06/10/2025 01:47

I'm finding it very uncomfortable this series watching Sarah, Grace, and Leigh being pressured into intimacy with people they clearly aren't attracted to, and getting unsympathetic edits due to their reluctance to consummate the 'marriage'. It's not fair on them and it's not fair on their partners.

Agree.

And it’s a dangerous message to send about consent and boundaries.