AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

But you were rude about the value of her work, and showed you knew nothing about her or indeed about music and appropriate pay for musicians. So you're quits.

Why would you expect mates rates? You're not the pianist mate.

You don't sound a least owrown to be around. Is that the vibe you're going for?

Why do you want something at your wedding you clearly don't value?

But she doesn’t work every day/ hour. So they have to factor that in to their prices.

Im with the pianist. Book some lessons if you think it’s money for old rope. Do let us known how much you’d charge.

Well, no. Generally speaking at least ten years to get to that sort of level from starting from scratch for a pianist, compared with, say, six years from scratch to qualify as a lawyer when you can, if you get into one of the big city firms. be earning £60K immediately on qualifying.

Have you got any photographers' quotes yet ?

If not, I fear you are in for a massive shock.

She is professional musician, who was charging well below the minimum rate as a favour to you and her friend. So many people like you seem to think that musicians, artists, crafts experts and so on do things merely for the fun of it and live on air. Let's look at the practical side of things. She will have to drive there and petrol is expensive. She will have to practise her repertoire and two or more hours requires a lot of repertoire and this is a lot of time. Let me repeat - she is a professional musician and this is her living. As a fellow professional musician, who has played for this type of event l, I actually winced at your description of "a few tunes, nothing too complicated." How insulting and, l am afraid, ignorant.

Were you expecting her to arrive with a cardboard box so you could throw a couple of pound coins in?

#teampianist

You took the piss and she wasn’t having it.

But it isn't astronomical given that a pianist performer cannot conceivably earn at a steady rate for several hours a day 52 weeks a year with sick pay and holiday pay included. Someone who is performing at weddings, parties etc is probably only earning for around 10-12 hours a week at most, and will not be paid for all the time and expense of getting to different venues, let alone the time spent choosing music and practising, liaising with the hosts etc.

Gosh you’re so far in the wrong you’ve circled back to yourself.

You say you want them to play while guests arrive, during the ceremony and a bit after. That sounds like a bit more than a couple of hours just from my experience of attending weddings. But regardless even if it does work as 2 hours on the day, it’s more than that of her time. She will need to practise/potentially learn songs to play on the day which all takes time. So far more than 2 hours work there.

As far as her not being a professional, just because she has another primary job doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not a professional and if she has played at several other weddings and been paid to do so, especially if trained, that would in fact make her a professional, even a part time one.

Arts/music is an industry renowned for people taking the piss with what they will be paid. I worked in the arts for a long time and quite often when I broke down what people were willing to pay versus the hours needed it often worked out as less than minimum wage. I was lucky I regularly worked for amazing companies that paid very fairly for my time, but other companies would really try to take the piss. I heard it all the time from musicians/actors/creatives as well.

So I can’t blame her for getting rude, it’s something most people in the industry have to deal with and are honestly sick of.

As for expecting mates rates by the way, she’s your friend’s mate, not yours.

Oh your replies are hilarious. I.meam your delusional and really rude. But so funny.
Good luck.in your search for a pianist. I doubt you will find someone at the price you want to pay, so might be worth having a think of what you can have instead which would.fit into the budget you have.

OP - you are also forgetting that there are some jobs which are skilled in a way that many people could never achieve the level needed no matter how much time and training is given.

For your plumber example. Most people given time and training could gain sufficient skills to do the job of a plumber (they might not want to deal with the smelly messy side of things but they could achieve the skills)

A much smaller percentage of people will have the aptitude and innate talent to learn the piano well enough to perform in public. The ones who are good at it make it look very easy - it’s not. Playing and being able to perform and entertain in front of an audience is a whole skill set on top of just learning which keys to press.

Art, music, acting - you are paying for talent as well as skill. These professions can ask for premium prices because this isn’t something that just anyone can do.

You insulted her by telling her she was too expensive, there was absolutely no need for you to do that, it is beyond rude.

You could have told said thank you anyway, but it was a bit more than you had in mind.. but you decided to insult her instead by telling her she was charging too much for the service she offers, which is nothing to do with you in the slightest.

You deserve the response you got IMO, good for her for putting you in your place.

She still has to get to and from the lovely venue, which is time and expense, I'm guessing you want her looking dressy so there's maybe dry cleaning etc costs...

She's not your mate, and even if she were expecting "mates rates" is always rude.

"Money for old rope" is unbelievably insulting. You are the one in the wrong.

How did you phrase it, did you say that's too steep? Or try to haggle for mates rates?
Or did you just say "thanks, we'll think about it" then let her know it wa a no.

I don't think many people are professional "occasion pianists," it's not likely to be a reliable career is it. So the fact she has a day job is irrelevant. You aren't doing her a favour by employing her.

I’ve been paid much more than that for wedding singing and piano (separately for different occasions, I don’t do both at the same time), and tbh I’m not even very good. I did grade 8s etc in both but a long time ago, and shamefully I don’t practice unless it’s for a specific performance. It’s not work that I advertise myself for, or seek out.

For whatever reason people are willing to pay lots for musicians. The fact that you can’t afford it doesn’t mean she’s charging too much, and the fact that it’s a lot of money per hours worked is just the way the free market works I’m afraid

You wouldn't get mate's rates because she's not your mate.

I think her price is reasonable too! We paid about £140 per musician/per hour at our wedding but that was a decade ago. But I can't even remember what music any of my friends had at their weddings, so I'd suggest a student or a CD would do perfectly well if you find it expensive.

Exactly. Lawyers qualify in less time, and simply sit in their office and take clients/ work on client accounts one after another if they can, all with no extra travel and at much higher hourly rates.

Exactly. Hour for hour it is extremely reasonable. Plus YOU were SO rude.

As you are well aware she was not gutter mouthed, though now I wonder if you were, or if you are just on the gin making up stories.

If it's a lesson learned - great. Never be so insulting and entitled to a musician again.

The pianist replied like every tradesperson would like to reply to a message like that. It was rude, but it was funny 🤷🏼‍♀️
It's not just a couple of hours, she'd need to learn and practice the pieces you wanted. Which is why she should charge more per hour than your plumber.

I don't think £220 is unreasonable for a trained and experienced musician. After all, she has to get to and from the venue so more than two hours would be involved. Your comments were uncalled for and discourteous - and it was totally out of order to suggest a reduction in her fee. If you thought it was too expensive, you should have said you would think about it and let her know if you wanted her services.

I can understand why this lady was annoyed but I think, though I agree with her very frank comments, I think to voice those thoughts was unprofessional. I think she should have said her fee was a reasonable one, given the current market rate and her experience, and she was not willing to reduce it.

You are making the classic mistake of thinking that playing piano for two hours at your wedding is two hours' work.

You'd probably want to discuss what music you want and when. She then has to source those pieces and practise them, get to the venue beforehand to get used to the piano and acoustics etc etc. It's probably a couple of day's work when totted up, so she was being extremely reasonable.

... or even do it herself.

Now I'm sounding as gutter-mouthed as the pianist!

I'm sorry op: I think you have to accept you got this one wrong and ought really to send a "sorry I didn't mean to offend, but we are on a tight budget" type follow up apology.

Failing that, let's hope she's on MN!

How much would you expect to get paid to be at a day long event to perform a repertoire you personally put together and practiced in the days before, then performed during various parts of the day to a guaranteed high standard, solo, to people you don’t know (not friends), be dressed in concert wear, and drive there and back?

I actually think she is making the classic Bridezilla mistake of thinking the pianist should have been honoured to do it for peanuts.