AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

omg! If you don’t like a quote, then you politely decline and book someone else, you are beyond unreasonable. Hope you find someone you can afford.

“Money for old rope” says everything we need to know about this situation.
It’s not the pianist being rude.

This artist is cheaper at a bit over 3k. I’m guessing the OP can’t afford a wedding artist either. Maybe if her job paid a better hourly wage she might be able to afford stuff like this.

The mistake you made was thinking you were just paying for an hourly rate. In reality you are paying for several things at the same time:

1. a trained skilled talented persons time
2. travel to and from the venue
3. selecting and practicing a play list which may or may not include phonecalls or meetings with you
4. public liability insurance
5. as a self employed person she needs money for her taxes, sickness, holiday, pension etc

So when you take into consideration all these aspects of a self employed talented professional person, you just turned down a bargain and insulted her at the same time. No wonder she was rude.

Editing and proofreading. Often work needs to be done urgently so if it means an editor must work evenings or weekends to meet a deadline then that editor will charge a few quid more per hour for those extra hours.

That actually sounds like a good price. Don't forget she'll be waiting in between, so hanging around alot.

How much are you expecting to pay the photographer? How much for the cake?
Do you have children yet? If you need a kids entertainer sit down before getting the quote

She was hardly "gutter-mouthed" op.

By suggesting you learn to play yourself over ten years, she was simply pointing out that you were wanting the service of a skill that isn't quickly acquired. To be honest 10 years would be cutting it fine, too.

You made the analogy of a plumber's rates, but plumbers qualify in far shorter time than it takes to become a good piano player.

She has to practise what you call "a few tunes" ( terminology suggesting to me you have no musical background yourself), travel to and from the venue, presumably dress up tidily and then play for two hours. Plenty of plumbers have a charge out of 150 and it only includes the first hour.

Nothing in her post was remotely as rude as your attitude in describing her considerable skill as "money for old rope."

It is cheap for two hours of a qualified pianist and you have shown your ignorance here. You were treating her like an organ grinder - or even his monkey.

Ah, I missed the bit about the second wedding, though in fairness she has a 38% chance of being right 😁

@Bamsmam 97% of us are thinking the reason for the pianist's "gutter mouth" is in retaliation that you told her she was charging too much.

What would your response be if a stranger, or friend of a friend if you will, Found out your salary and passed comment that you were not deserving of that amount?

I hope she doesn't, tbh. I hope she leaves the professionals alone and doesn't inflict her rudeness on any more of them, and just sets up a speaker and has a relative press the stop and go button as required.

The time spent learning your songs for your wedding, and practicing them, is time you personally have to pay for - just like you’d expect to be paid if you were asked to do training on a Saturday.
If you worked somewhere and it was quiet - say for example you were covering phone lines and there were no calls at all for a few hours - would it be fair to be paid only for the hours you were actually on calls, or would you want to be paid for the hours that you were stuck at work waiting for the phone to ring? You’re not just paying for the hours she’s actually playing music, you need to cover the time she’s hanging around at your wedding too.
Added to which, if she’s booked for your wedding at a low cost (and the price quoted really was very low) she’s no longer available to be booked for a function which would pay much more.

Suggesting the quoted price was too steep was rude, I’m not surprised you received a rude response.

If you just want some music and want to cut costs just get someone to press play on a track for you.

And how many hours is she not working between bookings? She's not doing a 9-5. She has skills you don't possess. You want to use those skills. They cost what they cost.

220 is a bargain for a live musician IMO and you are being ridiculous. Maybe you could ask the church if one of the local organists would give it a burl for a tenner.

You were rude and entitled OP. DH and I paid £100 for the church organist in 2019 and £900 for the band who played at the evening reception. £220 was a fair price. Wait till to see the prices for photographers as one quoted us £2500

You could always book a magician!

You're mixing up 'waged' workers with 'salaried' workers.

Wedding budget
Photographer - 10 year old £10
Band from Mums Net £20
Buffet - bring your own
Dress - Vinted £90 (shame about the stains)
Bridesmaid dress £50 (Primark)
Groom suit £50 (Ebay - let out by a neighbour as too tight)

ALL SORTED for the original £220. Bargain wedding!

Lesson learned that when you are rude to people, some will be rude back?

Also, she’s a friend of a friend and her crack about your ‘next marriage has obviously really touched a nerve. I wonder what the mutual friend knows / has been telling her about you / your fiancé?

I was just musing about the OP was brave enough to admit her rudeness "a little on the steep side" just made my mouth drop. She could simply have said "it's a little more than I can afford, is there any chance of a reduction?" but chose instead to be rude to a professional musician.

And then she had the audacity to say "money for old rope".

So you do have to wonder how much ruder she really was in the email too. What a horribly entitled woman you are OP.

I am so glad this good humoured musician put you firmly in your place.

When you pay a plumber you are not paying for those specific hours, you are paying for the years of learning, tools, van, etc. The piano is a big instrument for a start that the person has to either buy or pay for hours of practice time on one in a studio. Then there's the years and years of learning to play, at ££ per hour to the teacher, prac and written exams etc. That's what you are paying for. Good grief!

She wasn't gutter mouthed! She wasn't even as rude as you were to her, expecting mates rates and challenging her fee.

£250 sounds like mates rates to me.

You were rude. She was rude back, good on her.

The price is the price. You can't afford it, you can't have it.

Yes, I think you were rude.

How presumptuous of you to say ‘little on the steep side.’ She was only rightly responding to your rudeness!

Why does it make a difference whether she is a professional "wedding pianist" or not? Surely if she's a professional for other purposes - e.g. concerts, playing for shows, playing for parties, etc, that just puts her value up?