Page 22 | AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

Bamsmam · 2025-10-05T18:49:03+00:00

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated. A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope. I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:09

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:08

How is that pertinent to a musician producing live music for a wedding?.

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They were trying to argue that a professional musician can or should be treated like an office worker and not be paid for travel or set up time.

They're completely incorrect and this was the only niggle they could manage in response to my factual post.

Momtotwokids · 05/10/2025 22:09

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 20:09

I was thinking maybe £100, £150? Mate's rates ;)

It's not like she does this all the time and it's a lot of money for two hours work. More than I pay a plumber LOL, and they cost enough.

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She isn’t your mate. You should be sure embarrassed

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/10/2025 22:09

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 05/10/2025 22:04

£220 is a bit steep though, depending on the length of the planned service. It wasn't for the reception as well!

I don't think the OP was necessarily wrong (or rude) to think that. The OP's email might have come across as rude (if for example she referred to 'money for old rope' or similar!) but if all she did was express some surprise at the quote because she was expecting it to be slightly less then I don't think the pianist's response was entirely warranted.

I support the rights of self-employed workers (esp dancers, musicians and other performers) to be properly recompensed for their work (and rehearsal time), so looked at the Musicians Union website to see what they suggested for 'special services' like weddings..
https://musiciansunion.org.uk/working-performing/gigs-and-live-performances/live-engagement-rates-of-pay/organists-and-ceremonies-rates
£142.50 for up to 1.5 hours, then overtime for every quarter of an hour after that at £23.73. Plus travel time and costs. And extra if it's going to recorded on video and/or livestreamed. Without knowing the distance/ length of time this gig would have entailed, it's unclear how much of a bargain the pianist's quote was or wasn't.

The OP says "a couple of hours".

According to the guidance you've just posted and assuming a two hour gig, the going rate is £190 plus travel time and travel costs.

So £220 isn't "steep", it's absolutely bang on, if not a little on the low side.

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:10

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:02

If you work part time and work less than 5 days a week, then you should expect to earn less money. Most people in full time jobs, in practice, end up working 6 days a week or more due to the high workload.

Tax and National Insurance applies to all workers, so I am confused as to why you think that's specific to musicians or people in the arts. A £57k+ salary is indeed a high salary by any standard, and it's more than what most professionals earn.

As I said, I think £220 is a reasonable figure on the basis that work for musicians is completely unpredictable. While I know that I'm going to earn the same money every month, self-employed musicians may experience times when not enough work is coming on.

... However, trying to argue that musicians somehow have worked harder than the rest of us, or trained more than the rest of us, or are considered "skilled" workers when the rest of us have also trained years to have specific skills, is completely bonkers.

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It's not bonkers. Have you learned a musical instrument and played it to performance standard?

Strawberry53 · 05/10/2025 22:10

That is cheap for a professional pianist! Sounds like mates rates. You’ve got to bear in mind she is likely freelance, won’t get holiday pay, sick pay and has to pay for her travel to the venue too! I’m sorry but questioning her very reasonable rate is incredibly rude if you felt it was too expensive you should have just politely declined. Perhaps you should just get a speaker and play some songs off Spotify as you are not going to get a professional musician for any less than that.

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:10

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:09

They were trying to argue that a professional musician can or should be treated like an office worker and not be paid for travel or set up time.

They're completely incorrect and this was the only niggle they could manage in response to my factual post.

Edited

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Thank you.

Bumblebee72 · 05/10/2025 22:12

I'd do it for £50 plus travel expenses - but I'd need you to provide the piano and to feed me. Oh and you'd also need to waive the right to any performance based refunds.

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:12

Some hairdressers charge £40 for a cut, others a lot more than £300.

Hats off to people confident in their own value - clients will vote with their feet if it's too pricey. As long as the clients are there, a £300 or £500 hair cut is never "too expensive", it's their price, good for them.

That's why some people would never consider commuting for any less than a £100k salary. That's life.

But attacking the skills and talents of a pianist to her face like the OP did is just rude.

ThatCyanCat · 05/10/2025 22:12

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 21:17

Exactly, thank you! Everybody works! I work and I certainly don't get paid £220 an hour for it.

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Well, she does, or she refuses the work. If you're in demand enough, you can do the same.

Some friends of mine who married on a budget prepared a playlist and just let it go on the sound system. It was a little bit tinny but it was fine, it was a low key wedding.

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:13

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:07

Absolute nonsense. Paid overtime is, as stated, standard for most jobs. When salaried workers work early or late they are almost always paid by their employers.

But it's clear that you were only able to try to niggle on that point - making the point rather well that my comment was quite correct :)

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You are categorically making stuff up now.

Overtime tends to be a perk reserved for people who work low-paid jobs that are paid by the hour. For example, supermarket workers, staff on production lines, etc.

Overtime payments are not provided to staff on salaries. First of all, because it would be too expensive, and second, those workers are expected to do all of their work during their standard working hours. Of course, the reality is that huge volumes of work get dumped onto salaried staff, so in practice, the work doesn't get done during standard working hours. So staff will work additional hours in the morning or evening to catch up... which of course, goes unpaid.

I'm surprised that this is shocking news to you, because this is common knowledge in the working world.

tequilam0ckingbird · 05/10/2025 22:13

Private piano lessons for 10 years (£££) after school
Hours of practice in evenings and weekends
probably a diploma in music (Grade 8 does not mean you're professional level)
Daily practice to maintain skill and repertoire practice

Clearly not the same as professional accountancy or whatever. Do accountants study accountancy daily? Did they have private accountancy lessons each week? Did they study accountancy for 10 years? Did they painstakingly work their way through their accountancy levels, taking an exam each year for 10 years before going to accountancy school?

Do they continue to study accountancy for an hour daily?
Do people want to pay to watch them do accounts at weddings? Do people like to watch accountants number crunch in restaurants?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/10/2025 22:14

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:10

It's not bonkers. Have you learned a musical instrument and played it to performance standard?

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Like I said earlier, the OP is not the only one who is embarrassing herself on this thread.

Happyjoe · 05/10/2025 22:14

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:02

If you work part time and work less than 5 days a week, then you should expect to earn less money. Most people in full time jobs, in practice, end up working 6 days a week or more due to the high workload.

Tax and National Insurance applies to all workers, so I am confused as to why you think that's specific to musicians or people in the arts. A £57k+ salary is indeed a high salary by any standard, and it's more than what most professionals earn.

As I said, I think £220 is a reasonable figure on the basis that work for musicians is completely unpredictable. While I know that I'm going to earn the same money every month, self-employed musicians may experience times when not enough work is coming on.

... However, trying to argue that musicians somehow have worked harder than the rest of us, or trained more than the rest of us, or are considered "skilled" workers when the rest of us have also trained years to have specific skills, is completely bonkers.

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It's a skill that musicians paid a small fortune to learn too, btw.

What they charge is up to them, nothing makes someone HAVE to employ them for that job. It really is free will. To bitch about what they say they want or to argue about their wage and compare to other skilled workers is irrelevant (plus being a musician is more specialist IMO). It's supply and demand. You want them? You pay.. or not. End of.

Christmascakeforbreakfast · 05/10/2025 22:14

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 21:17

Exactly, thank you! Everybody works! I work and I certainly don't get paid £220 an hour for it.

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My hourly rate is £375, after the first hour, for which I charge £500. I can’t play piano though.

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:14

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/10/2025 22:14

Like I said earlier, the OP is not the only one who is embarrassing herself on this thread.

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Quite.

DiscoBob · 05/10/2025 22:15

If you politely responded with 'Thanks very much for the quote. I'm afraid that's slightly out of my budget. I'm looking to spend around X amount. Not sure how feasible that is as I'm no expert so I will keep looking.' I guess that could be reasonable. But she clearly took it as an insult.

Though really you should have done research into the going rate for a wedding pianist. As you could've indeed insulted her and her reasonable pricing.

Another76543 · 05/10/2025 22:15

shuggles · 05/10/2025 21:51

Why didn't you do the calculations before writing that? £220 a day, assuming a 5 day working week, is equivalent to a high salary of £57k+. Most skilled workers are not even close to that.

Grade 8 is roughly equivalent to an A-level. Most people have a degree, and many of us have professional qualifications or a PhD above that. But again, most skilled workers are not even close to a £57k+ salary.

As I said, people earning £57k and higher tend to people who are responsible for other people and/or customers (managers). The people who 'direct', not the skilled workers who 'do'.

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A professional pianist is likely to be above grade 8. A diploma can be equivalent to degree level or higher. A self employed musician is unlikely to get work 5 days a week for an entire year so that needs to be taken into account as well. £57k is not unreasonably high for some one who has trained for years in their profession. There are graduate jobs offering higher salaries than that.

Thankfully the vast majority of posters agree that the pianist is not the one being unreasonable here.

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:15

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:13

You are categorically making stuff up now.

Overtime tends to be a perk reserved for people who work low-paid jobs that are paid by the hour. For example, supermarket workers, staff on production lines, etc.

Overtime payments are not provided to staff on salaries. First of all, because it would be too expensive, and second, those workers are expected to do all of their work during their standard working hours. Of course, the reality is that huge volumes of work get dumped onto salaried staff, so in practice, the work doesn't get done during standard working hours. So staff will work additional hours in the morning or evening to catch up... which of course, goes unpaid.

I'm surprised that this is shocking news to you, because this is common knowledge in the working world.

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that's not strictly true.

Overtime payments are not provided to staff on salaries. of course they are.
It's true that higher roles don't squabble about a few hours here or there, because they have bonuses, and often take time in-lieu too..

but you are pushing it a bit 😂
Or you are being exploited!

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:15

Strawberry53 · 05/10/2025 22:10

That is cheap for a professional pianist! Sounds like mates rates. You’ve got to bear in mind she is likely freelance, won’t get holiday pay, sick pay and has to pay for her travel to the venue too! I’m sorry but questioning her very reasonable rate is incredibly rude if you felt it was too expensive you should have just politely declined. Perhaps you should just get a speaker and play some songs off Spotify as you are not going to get a professional musician for any less than that.

Right. The OP was very rude indeed. The pianist responded with some humour to a dreary, entitled irritation.

Professional musicians, photographers etc are utterly sick to death with skinflints like the OP nickle and diming them. They have neither the time, bandwidth or interest in tolerating a back and forth from a rude street haggler.

I used to date a jobbing musician years ago who was so tired of this even after just a couple of years of being in the business. I also sometimes watch a YouTube channel where a professional photographer discusses the unbelievably cheapskate expectations of so many Bridezillas. Wow, there are some entitled women (like the OP) out there.

I feel really sorry for the OPs friend, the one who referred her own friend. She will be so embarrassed that the OP has insulted and denigrated her musician friend like this.

BusyExpert · 05/10/2025 22:16

when you hire a skilled professional you are not just paying for the time she spends on the job but for all the years she has spent becoming so skilled. Frankly you were unnecessarily rude. I don't think the amount that she was charging was excessive and if you cannot afford it you should have just declined the quote.
she owes you nothing and you deserved her response.

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:16

Christmascakeforbreakfast · 05/10/2025 22:14

My hourly rate is £375, after the first hour, for which I charge £500. I can’t play piano though.

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are you a plumber?

Christmascakeforbreakfast · 05/10/2025 22:17

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:16

are you a plumber?

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😂 no I’m not THAT expensive

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:18

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:13

You are categorically making stuff up now.

Overtime tends to be a perk reserved for people who work low-paid jobs that are paid by the hour. For example, supermarket workers, staff on production lines, etc.

Overtime payments are not provided to staff on salaries. First of all, because it would be too expensive, and second, those workers are expected to do all of their work during their standard working hours. Of course, the reality is that huge volumes of work get dumped onto salaried staff, so in practice, the work doesn't get done during standard working hours. So staff will work additional hours in the morning or evening to catch up... which of course, goes unpaid.

I'm surprised that this is shocking news to you, because this is common knowledge in the working world.

Show quote history

You are categorically making stuff up now. Overtime is a standard paid to most employees and the reality is that you are desperate to defend your indefensible position and are trying to heavily derail.

It is obvious that this one niggle was all you could come up with though, so thank you for making my point for me that you are completely incorrect to attempt to compare musicians with the majority of workers.

I am not at all surprised by this though, because you are completely clueless :)

Original poster

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 22:18

shuggles · 05/10/2025 21:33

@Another76543 4-5 hours of her day, plus practising the chosen pieces beforehand. A proper pianist doesn’t just rock up unprepared with a load of sheet music under their arm.

Well yes, everyone has commuting and travelling to their work. And will also do additional study and preparation outside of the workplace. No different to a musician.

So let's call it a standard working day. £220 for one day's work is quite high. As I said, the training that a pianist does is no more special than the training that any of us did in our chosen professions. I think £220 for a day's work is justifiable though on the basis that work for musicians can be unsteady and unpredictable.

Yes this is my point. Thank you for understanding; We all have to train to do our jobs and this is no different. I certainly don't charge my employer for all the years I have done my job previously. Plus, I would never be so rude to a person as this. I truly am wondering about this supposed "wedding pianist".

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/10/2025 22:18

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 22:18

Yes this is my point. Thank you for understanding; We all have to train to do our jobs and this is no different. I certainly don't charge my employer for all the years I have done my job previously. Plus, I would never be so rude to a person as this. I truly am wondering about this supposed "wedding pianist".

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But you were the rude one, OP.

If you didn't want to spend £220 on a pianist, you could have just said, "OK, thanks, I'll get back to you" and left it at that.

Instead you told her that you didn't think her experience and skills were worth £220 out of your £20-30k wedding budget.