AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

So basically what you learned is - you can't afford a private pianist at your wedding....

Many of us go into wedding planning with lofty ideas, only to come down to earth with a thump when we realise how much some of it costs. Pouting about it isn't going to change it. You can't afford a pianist at your wedding. Good thing it's not a 'must have'.

Also you were rude. She gave you her quote - arguing about it is rude. You just say, 'oh goodness, apologies we can't afford that. Thanks for coming back to me though'.

Out of interest have you asked any wedding photographers for their prices yet? I fear you may need sit down when you get a quote! 😁

The OP isn't the only one who is embarrassing herself!

Oh well then the OP will just have to take her pick from the loads of other professional pianists who are willing to do the job for the same or less. Presumably you'd think the training I did as a solicitor is 'no more special' than that required for any other job, and yet I seem to be able to charge considerably more than even a pianist for my time. Bonkers really seeing as all I'm doing is talking and writing, anybody can do that right?

Practice time and putting together a playlist isn't commute though.

I had one of my music students play for fifteen minutes at my wedding years ago. I paid them £150 for it and invited them to the reception.

So pay less and get something that's not a professional musician then. You ask for a quote and you get one. You either employ her or don't but don't start telling her her worth. For goodness sake. No wonder you got that response.

1. She's not your mate.
2. You're asking for probably at least 3 hours of her time including travel, getting there early to avoid being late etc.
3. She is paying for her own travel.
4. She probably can't earn anything else that day.
5. How does she benefit from it being a 'nice venue'?

Well done her.

I get this pennypinching attitude sometimes because I run antique shops on several platforms. I expect a certain amoutn of haggling because thats how it is in the antiques trade. Then you get the bottom feeders who ask for a 50% discount. My usual riposte is:

How would you feel if your boss only offered you half of your wage on payday because thats all he thinks your worth!

Buyers are paying for my expertise in sourcing the goods, my work in putting them out on display, and lots more besides. Just like the fee your musician charges reflects her skill and years of training. I would have though £300 - £350 would have been a reasonable fee for an artist.

If you work part time and work less than 5 days a week, then you should expect to earn less money. Most people in full time jobs, in practice, end up working 6 days a week or more due to the high workload.

Tax and National Insurance applies to all workers, so I am confused as to why you think that's specific to musicians or people in the arts. A £57k+ salary is indeed a high salary by any standard, and it's more than what most professionals earn.

As I said, I think £220 is a reasonable figure on the basis that work for musicians is completely unpredictable. While I know that I'm going to earn the same money every month, self-employed musicians may experience times when not enough work is coming on.

... However, trying to argue that musicians somehow have worked harder than the rest of us, or trained more than the rest of us, or are considered "skilled" workers when the rest of us have also trained years to have specific skills, is completely bonkers.

Why not just say “it’s a little out of my budget sorry, but thank you” and leave it at that??

You are incredibly rude!!
The price quoted is absolutely very reasonable.

Mate's rates! You're not even a mate, you're a friend of a friend. The pianist has to do some admin with you to agree a contract, sort out invoicing; has to have at least one conversation with you to find out what kind of music you want. They have to travel to the venue (which may or may not be close to where they live), plus time for set up. They'd play for an hour before the ceremony as guests were arriving, then sit and sit during the ceremony, then maybe another hour during the drinks reception. So close on 3 hours at the venue, plus travel time, plus admin.

I'm a professional (not musician) and I almost always say no to any work at a wedding, because of attitudes like this. Demands are sky high, and expectations of prices are rock bottom.

Out of interest, how much did you pay for your cake, or your flowers or your dress, or your hair and MUA?

The overwhelming majority of people are paid superannuation, holiday pay, sick leave and have all the stable dependency that comes with an employer. They also don't have to set up their desks and computers and take them down every day then bring them home and do it all again the next day. Nor do they have to learn a new set of processes each time they enter the office (unlike musicians who must learn a new set each time). Most people in standard jobs will be paid extra for working very early, very late or the weekend.

Being a musician is therefore not comparable in any way to a standard job and they absolutely always factor in travel time and set up time.

Completely and totally standard.

If you don't like it, that's fine, when you need music at a venue just play some on a bluetooth speaker.

@Biskieboo Presumably you'd think the training I did as a solicitor is 'no more special' than that required for any other job, and yet I seem to be able to charge considerably more than even a pianist for my time.

If you're earning more than £220 a day, then you're not representative of skilled workers. As I said, most skilled workers earn a lot less than £220 a day.

£220 is a bit steep though, depending on the length of the planned service. It wasn't for the reception as well!

I don't think the OP was necessarily wrong (or rude) to think that. The OP's email might have come across as rude (if for example she referred to 'money for old rope' or similar!) but if all she did was express some surprise at the quote because she was expecting it to be slightly less then I don't think the pianist's response was entirely warranted.

I support the rights of self-employed workers (esp dancers, musicians and other performers) to be properly recompensed for their work (and rehearsal time), so looked at the Musicians Union website to see what they suggested for 'special services' like weddings..
https://musiciansunion.org.uk/working-performing/gigs-and-live-performances/live-engagement-rates-of-pay/organists-and-ceremonies-rates
£142.50 for up to 1.5 hours, then overtime for every quarter of an hour after that at £23.73. Plus travel time and costs. And extra if it's going to recorded on video and/or livestreamed. Without knowing the distance/ length of time this gig would have entailed, it's unclear how much of a bargain the pianist's quote was or wasn't.

Yes I was paid 200-250 for music at wedding ceremonies ( one hour, typically) 30 years ago as a student. Your reaction is hilariously out of kilter.

As an ex professional photographer I'd get people say 'no pay, but give you a byline'. Byline does not feed me, nor pay my heating.
You either pay for a skill you are unable to do yourself or you go without. To argue, nah, that's not classy.
I wonder what it cost the pianist in lessons to become so good at it? Bet that was considerable hourly rate - over years of learning. Prob cost a small fortune to learn her skill.

Good for her. Play a recording of your own skilled efforts as you're too mean to pay a professional rate. Sounds like your guests will need a laugh.

Either stop being rude about the very reasonable fee, or don't have a pianist - it's that simple.

@Nothankyou2025 Most will be paid extra for working very early, very late or the weekend.

Absolute nonsense.

Paid overtime is not standard for salaried positions. There are very few salaried workers who have the benefit of working overtime. When salaried workers do work very early, or very late, they always do it voluntarily to catch up on work.

But going by those suggested published rates it would only be a bit under £200 for two hours work plus travel costs…..and this woman is asking for £220 which seems totally in line!

Reading this?
A bargain.

Absolute nonsense. Paid overtime is, as stated, standard for most jobs. When salaried workers work early or late they are almost always paid by their employers.

But it's clear that you were only able to try to niggle on that point - making the point rather well that my comment was quite correct :)

How is that pertinent to a musician producing live music for a wedding?.

I always think things are expensive but I think that’s really good value!!

As someone who has grade 8 piano and a-level music, they are not equivalent I don’t know where you got that from. Achieving grade 8 took me around 11 years of weekly lessons and daily practice. A-level was the usual 2 years.

I still wouldn’t consider myself anywhere near capable of playing at a wedding. I don’t have the right repertoire for a start. And truly professional pianists will be playing at a much higher standard than little old me.