AIBU to not give my DC extra money

[2AtUni]

I have two DC at uni (one 1st yr, one final yr), they’re both looking for more financial support

I think they’re unreasonable, they think there’s a CoL crisis and i am. I said I’d poll MN and see what the majority think.

they currently get £400 pcm. Rent & phone are paid for. Travel home is paid for. They get a big shop at beginning of term.

@InfoSecInTheCity

As someone who hires lots of people for professional roles, I really hate hiring recent graduates with no work experience because having done it repeatedly in the past I have found that those employees tend to have significant problems understanding start times, prioritisation, ability to manage a workload and other core requirements

I agree. But not sure how that is relevant to this thread?

My 2 kids have the loan, we pay rent, car insurance, phone, and I give them another £20 a week as I never cancelled their 6th form pocket money standing order. But we can afford it and both kids are saving rather than spending the £120 a week. DC1 saves about £60 a week. DC2 is at a more expensive uni, but still saves and works in hols. I'd be less willing to fund so much if they weren't saving.

Because you’re doing your children no favours by not encouraging them to maintain a job and by paying their way.

You are being extremely generous with how much you give them and what you do for them (ordering them a food shop!) and you’re not helping them become independent adults.

and on top of that they’re not even bloody grateful for all that you’re doing and they’re asking for more!!

If Christmas is vital they get in early and have a university job, loads of campus based jobs around of you're quick.

I think the point was that this is similar for most students. My uni was a 5 hour drive from home so still pretty difficult to work Christmas Eve and get home for Christmas Day. You just work it out.

Because they are asking you for more money, instead of encouraging them to work which would a) give them more money and (b) prepare them for post university, you are coming up with excuses for them like ‘but they might miss Xmas dinner and not be able to easily come on holiday with us’.

One of the lessons they are supposed to learn at university is independence.

We pay all costs associated with flat son living in plus his phone. Then he gets £250 a month from us and works part time in a bar to earn more.
I do worry that the bar work eats into study time but he really enjoys it and we cannot afford to give him any more.
I think 400 a month is masses.

£400 is probably a bit tight, if they needed new clothes/haircut/toiletries it might creep up. If theyve no way of earning extra cash then id ask for a breakdown of how they spend their allowance and judge from there

@2AtUni Obviously you know that thousands of adults work the Christmas period. My own 17 year old DS will be working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I won’t stop him because a. He wants to work and b. He’s saving for a house deposit. That’s life.

They want more they can get a job.

Where did I say I was talking about your children? I'm talking specifically about the OP's explanation of why her kids can't work.

Jobs gives life experience, it's not just about the money. It would do them good. 10 to 15 hrs a week is fine. Any more might impact their studies.

Many grow up not valuing money otherwise...

I worked Christmas Day years ago, as a student for an agency. I wanted the money and my family didn't stop me. Would have been late teens or early twenties.

No big deal 🤷‍♀️

If they aren't happy with £400 see how they get on without it....

I’m not sure the parents of many uni students would feel ok about their DC being alone in halls over Christmas Day and the extended christmas period. And I’m sure that’s not what your son is doing.

So she should have said nothing to her employer, then handed in her notice at the right point, e.g. a month before her last intended day in the city. Whatever notice period her contract requires.

We’ve got three at Uni

Two in a pricey area and one not so much
£100 a week is very reasonable for our pricey area Uni kids. We also do a big shop at the beginning of each term ( 3 times a year)

I imagine if they are asking now they’ve had a blow out during freshers. I get that. They want to meet new people and make new friends so
An extra bit as a one off isn’t that surprising and I’d rather my kids made new friends.

In the long term though £100 a week is fine.

For those talking of work aswell.
Two of mine have worked. My Masters kid is not working this year and didn’t in his final year of his degree because the degree comes first…Always. So I wouldn’t pressure your final year kid to work OP
One of mine hasn’t worked so far as his degree is too heavy. Too many lab hours etc but he has worked in the summer holidays and saves every penny

Work wise really depends on
the degree
and availability as some Uni areas have just too many students all chasing the same jobs

The key thing is to aim for a top degree as so many kids are going to Uni now and there’s a lot of competition for work placements.

Encourage your kids to work and save in the holidays OP

Did you miss the bit of my post where I said they worked FT over the summer?

they missed out on holidays and events over the summer because they were working.

I do think Christmas is a bit different and I suspect most posters do too but this is MN so of course it’s absolutely fine for teens to spend Christmas alone in halls lest they end up spoiled.

Agree
and you know your kids OP
Whats right for some isn’t right for everyone
Mine would find that very depressing and as a mother of a kid with depression I wouldn’t want to risk it especially if you already aren’t comfortable with that OP

I think some of the people commenting haven’t fully understood how student finance works now, and that there is an expected parental contribution. Good information here:
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/guide/

I actually dont think £100 per week is loads.
It sounds fine, 50 quid a week for food and 50 for nights out/social...

But whos paying for shampoo, cleaning products, laundry (uni laundrette machines will cost a couple of quid a time), stationery, paper for taking notes, the occasional item of clothing or birthday card for a mate, any christmas presents they might buy. Stuff like travel, occasional bus fares into the city for a night out, books they might need. And i dont think its unreasonable that once a week they might buy a coffee on campus with a mate, thats a few quid gone?!
You could manage on £100 for the week for a week or two but to do it all term would actually be quite hard. Even quite standard shampoo brands like herbal essences can be £4 a bottle now.
I certainly dont think £100 a week to cover every expense other than rent and phone is that easy.

What I wish my parents had done when I was asking for more money, was to ask me to make out a budget, to demonstrate where the shortfall was impacting me.

No one else is really in a position to know whether they are really struggling of living the high life. How would you feel about asking them to break down their costs and how they match to their allowance.

I'm giving dd £500 but her loan doesn't cover her rent so £100 of it is for rent. I think that's reasonable myself. She's on a course where she can't do paid work but saved for six months last year. My niece dropped out in the 2nd year and i think it was partly about not managing financially.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Who has said they think your kids should spend Christmas all cold and alone in halls?

Here's a clue - NOBODY. They're saying you using Christmas day as a 'reason' for them not being able to work is rubbish.

Standard shampoo for students comes from Aldi and Lidl at £1. Although OP did say they did a big shop, we do too and it includes toiletries.

Nevertheless my kids wouldnt be paying £4 on shampoo. If they buy clothes it’s from charity shops or they get them at Christmas

When I was at Uni I didn’t buy clothes, it’s quite normal not to live ‘as a normal spending person’ whilst a student.

Perhaps that’s just me and mine 🤷‍♀️