Etiquette for birthday drinks

[Hiyahello111]

Hi
I wonder if I could have some advice.
Soon I'm celebrating a big birthday. Ive got a space in a pub and about 25 friends coming to have drinks.
I was happy for it to just be super casual, with people buying their own drinks and food from the bar. Then I attended my friends party last week and all food and drink way laid on (all night!)
I wasn't expecting that at all, but then it made me wonder (and panic) about my drinks...are people expecting that? Am I the one who had it wrong?
Thanks for any help you can give!

I've been to two big birthday celebrations recently, they were both in pubs.

Both had a bar to buy your own drinks. First one had laid on pizza, loads of it. Unfortunately, I was with a friend who is lactose and gluten intolerant and there was no other food.

The second one had nibbles and told everyone before hand that the bar sold food.

No one at either party expected food or drinks to be provided

That’s sounds perfect.

I think that sounds perfect and what most people would expect.

Are you sure about cake in a pub? Check what they will let you bring in and what you have to buy on site.

every social circle is different. I have never been to a birthday event laid on in a pub very savory food hasn’t been provided. Drinks we always buy ourselves by there is always hot food - usual party stiff, cocktail sausages, pizza etc.

Check if there is a cakeage charge for bringing your own cake.

If I’m invited to an organised thing then some nibbles would be nice, but I’d expect to buy all my own drinks plus drinks for whoever’s birthday it is. Generally you don’t buy your own drinks on your birthday (at least that’s the case in my circle of friends).

Last time we did a party in a pub we laid on buffet food and put a bit behind the bar, once that was gone people paid for their own drinks.

But that was in the afternoon. If it's an evening thing I wouldn't expect food but I would expect a bit of money behind the bar or a system for first drink free.

I do think a few platters of food/ something to eat is a must. Food is a big part of hosting to me. A few bottles of drinks too. Then everyone can get something for themselves after.

For my last big birthday I reserved an area of a bar for free and I ordered lots of nibbles and huge sharing pizzas for the table. Drinks wise the bar offered a "gin trolley" that I bought in advance for a couple of hundred quid. It was basically a fancy hostess trolly with a few bottles of artisan gin, some mixers and fancy glasses and people had fun making their own gin cocktails. It was enough for a couple of drinks each but felt a bit more generous and fancy than money behind the bar. Other than that people bought their own drinks at the bar.

As a guest, I don’t mind either way, as long as I know what to expect beforehand.

If there is no food, no drinks provided, no problem, I’ll eat my dinner beforehand and pay for my own drinks.

If there is a buffet that’s fab, as long as I know not to make my dinner beforehand. And I’ll happily buy my own drinks.

If there is a buffet and drinks being paid for, fantastic, I’d think you were incredibly generous.

I will add on though, I’d never expect a host of something like this to pay for all drinks all night. I’ve been to one wedding (abroad) where it was a “free bar” and once at a birthday party in a function room, the host put enough money behind the bar for everyone’s first drink. Otherwise I’ve just known events like this, you buy your own booze.

When I got engaged we had a section in a pub, we paid for a buffet. For my 40th I invited 35 people to a pub, and paid for their food, then back at my house, laid on cakes etc and alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks. I would expect some food to be honest, but would expect to pay for my own drinks.

I wouldn't expect the host to provide drink, platters of food on the tables if in a reserved section in the pub, or a side table with food if in a separate room but not alcohol. I also wouldn't eat cake when I'm on a night out and neither would my friends so I wouldn't spend massive on a cake either.

Certainly get the pub to organise some buffet foods. If you can afford it put enough behind the bar for everyone’s first drink.

I’d expect to buy my own and be delighted with a first drink on the house and some nibbles. In the UK I’d say both types are fine, all provided or buy your own.

It’s your birthday!!! Why would you be paying for everyone’s food and drink?!?!

Even though your inviter has invited you because it’s their birthday?? How rude!!!

Because it's MN - where everyone is a CF to expect anything EXCEPT on your birthday when you should fund their entire night out

I'm old and I've never been for "birthday drinks" in my life. But if you are inviting me to a party (which is what it sounds like), I would expect you to provide food and at least the first drink. You can't invite people to an event and not offer them anything/expect them to fund the entire thing!

I don’t think many of my friends (in our thirties) would be able to lay on drinks all night in a pub for everyone, and would be more likely hold it at home.

Birthday drinks =/= party

I would say first round on me

This is a massive MN dividing topic. Personally I'm in the camp of if it's a casual night in the local pub I wouldn't expect anything provided for me (lovely bonus if it is though) and would actually if anything expect to be treating the host rather than vv. I'm even perfectly happy to buy my own dinner in a restaurant for someone's birthday, and chip in to cover the birthday person's meal too. Obviously a party at home is different, or a more fancy catered venue where the host has to arrange the menu in advance rather than everyone ordering their own, in that case obviously you expect host to provide. But I think I'm in the minority here, MN consensus is generally however casual the occasion, if you invite people, you have to pay for them - but then again most Matters are of the view inviting people to any form of social event is breathtakingly rude in the first place😂

But seriously, to be safe, I think you should probably provide some snacks or money behind the bar as a minimum. Or at least make it very clear you're going out to the pub for some very casual birthday drinks and people are welcome to join you, to make it clear there's no obligation and no presents etc expected... Unless you're sure in your personal circle what you're doing is the norm (as it is in mine) in which case crack on!

I think a few bottles of fizz and beers and some buffet food is fine, then people can buy their own

Sounds perfect 😊

Yes, depending on who it is and which circles you are in at the time, you have to flex. How rude not to?