To think friendship groups kinda suck, you can never have say 8 or more people that equally like each other

[Lipglosser]

There's always groups within groups and duos and trios and then they all switch around with various allengences and alliances
And various mini fall outs

There's always at least a couple of people at that dont like each other, there's snidy comments, talking about others in the group when they are not there, one upmanship, competition even when we'll hidden you can see it

There is usually a queen bee/leader
A couple of main bootlickers to the main leader, a,psmknow as the leaders bitches
The odd one that doesn't really seem to wanna be there
A couple that are a bit lonely and are willing to do anything just so they have some friends
Even if these friends are shitty

Whoever wrote motherland fot it so spot on

Far far prefer one to one's or small groups say 4

Large groups There's so much falseness

I agree motherland was spot on. Not sure on what else you are asking.

I totally disagree. Yes 8 people won't all be equal best friends, but that doesn't mean there will be falling outs, Queen bees, drama, allegiances and bootlickers (!?). It just means exactly that, some people might be closer friends than others and there's nothing wrong with that.

If you prefer one to one’s or small groups, stick to one to one’s or small groups…

I’m 45- 2 kids at different schools and I live in a lovely village where I have raised my children since birth.

i like to think of my friendship groups as a Ven diagram- core of 2 very close friends but we all have different wider circles which overlap.

We (my best friends) don’t live in each others pockets, it’s ok to have closer confidences and a wider group who don’t necessarily all gel with everyone from other wider groups.

I always tell my teen kids to keep the circle wide, whilst maintaining their close connections. It avoids Clique vibes and is much healthier.

8? Is this a humble brag?

Depends on the group. There are 10 in my friendship group. I've been in the group almost 20 years and some of them were friends before. And I can honestly say in the whole time there has never been a single falling out, and nobody ever slags anybody else off.

I'd say 15+ is more common, I duppose I mean when you get to that many people 8 or more all those points become more problematic due to people having to compromise so much more due to numbers

Suppose

Common in university houses post halls with groups of 5/6. There’s usually with any ‘group’ one ‘enemy’ & shared dislike mild snideness helps the others bond to some degree & another all worship. That’s group dynamics.

God I'm so glad my friends aren't like this. Have multiple friendship groups of more than 8 people and none of this high school behaviour is exhibited.

Ring leaders often feel this way

This sounds so incredibly juvenile.

I say that as someone who until a few years ago only had a couple of friends, then got adopted my one new person and then all of her friends.

There is none of this. Yes there are closers friendships within the larger group, but no bitching, backstabbing, allegiances....

Cause we're not 16.

You’ve described my group from school

I don’t relate to this at all.

And the psychology of group dynamics will kick in eventually. Little sub-groups forming, some people being pushed out, Queen bees, whipping boys(or girls) and hierarchies.

Yes, Motherland did get it spot on! I’m afraid humans love a hierarchy, from toddler group to…care home probably!😄

I’ve honestly never experienced this dynamic.

I've never had a friendship 'group' like this since my first year of university. I have several groups of 3/4 and these work beautifully. Massive friendship groups are a bit immature IMO.

Why does everyone have to “equally” like each other?

I’m in a close friendship group of about 7 and yes I’m more close to some of the other women than others, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the others.

Some of the other women are closer to other members of the group than they are to me, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends does it?

We’ve functioned as this friendship group since we were 17 (we are now all 42) and we’ve all managed to remain good friends.

I thought the same!

Should add: I don’t observe this in my small friendship groups which are very longstanding. They’re all lovely people and we’re not interested in being competitive or putting each other down.

Where I do see it is in hobby groups, where although I like everyone to some extent and some people a lot, so the group hasn’t been entirely my choice, iyswim. Now there I do see people being occasionally a bit catty and there’s definitely an ‘in crowd’ of superior beings and someone who gets all the digs. I am not in the in-crowd and I stick up for the ‘victim’, btw. It’s all very middle class and subtle and if it was seriously nasty I would leave, but it’s not. (it’s a choir of about 12 ). The sort of thing I mean is: some people are ‘allowed’ to be late, or to miss a rehearsal and that’s spoken of with earnest respect, but with others there’ll be a disapproving eye-roll and an implied ‘tut’. Very subtle stuff.

I'm part of a group of about 10. There really isn't any unpleasantness at all. Everyone likes each other and is nice to each other. Some people know each other better than others I guess. We are all in our late 40s and 50s and have known each other for nearly 20 years.

Luckily my friends aren't incredibly immature so we don't have any of this bitchy crap.

Obviously some like each other more than the others and there are little 2s and 3s within it but that doesn't have to mean you hate the others

Can't say I have ever fully "fallen out" with a friend as an adult - seems a teenage thing to do

It does sound like your friendship group aren’t really friends.

I’m in a female friendship group where I get on with everyone but to different levels. A couple I see regularly on their own or just the three of us (one of whom is the queen bee) and the others are more acquaintances/other friends of QB)

In fairness there’s not much in the way of snide comments but other members definitely get talked about when they’re not there. I’m always conscious of that and make sure I don’t say anything that could be misconstrued if it was repeated back (basically I don’t say anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face)

The biggest issue we have in the group is QB wanting to control things - she totally means well and just wants everyone to have fun but struggles to let anyone else take the reins/make decisions. If anyone doesn’t want to do what she suggests you have to really put your foot down and get support from others in the group. It can be exhausting at times but generally everyone gets on and has a good time…I don’t think there’s been any actual fall outs.

I wouldn't say this is necessarily always the case, but often yes. I've never been a part of such a large group, I've always got on better in small groups, but DH has a group of about 15 guys who've known each other for years + partners. From the girls, I absolutely recognise your list of queen bee, bootlickers, the desperate ones. I'm the one that doesn't want to be there 😂

I also think there might be something in OP's observation that if you don't recognise this, you're probably at the top of the pyramid. As I say, not all groups, but my gran was in her 80s and a lot of the women she knew still functioned like this. Yes it's high school, but some people never mature beyond that.

I don't recognise this either. We are a large group of mum friends who met at NCT and still meeting up now 19 years later! We all like and support each other. Some of us are closer as have more free time but it's great when we have a full gathering. I wouldn't hang around with bitchy people so perhaps you should choose better friends?