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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to go and see my friends who live down south?

95 replies

LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 21:28

I really want to take DD to see my friends who moved to Eastbourne a few years ago.
DP won't go cos we went last year and he's a "been there done that" kinda person.

So I asked if I could go with DD. I was gonna go down for 2 nights (which friend has offered to put us up for) and it'll be while he's working anyway.

He works nights (10 -7) and normally sleeps 11-9 anyway.

He says that he'll miss us and doesn't want an empty house so when I say come with us he just sneers and refuses.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 03/06/2008 21:55

hang on

"we went last year and he's a "been there done that" kinda person"

he will allow you just one visit to your friends in your entire lifetime?

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:00

I don't think he relies on me. All I do is keep the house tidy and wash the clothes. I can't cook very well so he doesn't really trust my cooking. Also he's never up in time for tea so he doesnt rely on me much.

OP posts:
Mutt · 03/06/2008 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmugColditz · 03/06/2008 22:03

It's pure selfishness then.

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:03

Basically thats right mutt.

OP posts:
GreenElizabeth · 03/06/2008 22:04

You definitely need to go. Your staying in touch with your friends is more important than his feeling a teensy bit lonely.

He can arrange to do something else! He shouldn't be so selfish as to try and make you feel guilty that you have a trip planned. You're taking your daughter with you!!

He sounds a bit like my xp. This is exactly how he would have behaved in the same circumstances. He was very critical of my cooking too funnily enough.

cheesesarnie · 03/06/2008 22:05

i know its been said but -you asked his permission?????

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:09

lol - cheesesarnie. lol

ok new q - he would need to get 2 work both nights. its about a 4 min drive. do I make him walk/bike and insist on taking the car?

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 03/06/2008 22:10

A FOUR MINUTE DRIVE?

he can walk surely

are you mad?

it's not worth getting in the car for four minutes unless one of you has mobility problems

cheeset · 03/06/2008 22:10

Gosh, doesn't your dp sleep alot, when does he have time for anything else?

From the info youv'e given, I think he may be jealous of your little trip, do you guys go out together much?

Do you think it would help if you spent more quality time together?

Cappuccino · 03/06/2008 22:11

and to give you some idea of how ridiculous this situation is

I am going away this weekend for three days

dh was the one who said sure, go for it

he will be alone with the children all that time

he has no bloody friends either

cheesesarnie · 03/06/2008 22:11

4 minutes!!!!he should save the enviroment and walk or cycle.take the car-and dont you dare ask!!

Mutt · 03/06/2008 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:12

he drives normally cos his bike got stolen

OP posts:
Mutt · 03/06/2008 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stopfighting · 03/06/2008 22:13

Is this a joke???

Cappuccino · 03/06/2008 22:13

where does he work though? at the end of the road?

Sidge · 03/06/2008 22:15

He works 9 hours and sleeps 10?

He drives a 4 minute drive to work normally?

He sounds like a right lazy git. No wonder he doesn't want you to go away, he might have to get off his idle arse and actually do something.

Go, have fun, and don't rush back

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:15

SF - honestly no!!
cheeset - We have the mornings, tv time. Wednesday's where he has a few hours in the afternoon and then all day thursday where we'll normally go out for a meal and a walk.

OP posts:
cheeset · 03/06/2008 22:16

OMG just read the car senario!!

This is not your problem, off you tootle. He's bloomin 33 FFS.

All those who say I

GreenElizabeth · 03/06/2008 22:17

I feel for you cos this thread is probably penetrating your forcefield of denial.

You want to believe his behaviour is normal but it's not.

He is not prepared to endure any small amount of inconvenience for your happiness.

Is your happiness so irrelevant to him? DOes your dilemma/distress even pierce his consciousness?

I'm not saying he's a bad person. But he sounds like he has a very low EQ I'm sorry. He can't see something as normal as wanting to get away and have a weekend with friends as anything other than an inconvenience to him. The world really does revolve around him in his own mind. That must be extremely hard to live with. I hope I don't sound cruel. I lived with somebody just like I described until fairly recently. (he had other faults too though!)

cheeset · 03/06/2008 22:20

Ever thought about being a councillor GreenElizabeth?

Seen some of your other posts and you seem to just hit the nail on the head....

cheeset · 03/06/2008 22:21

councillor? councelour, help somebody!

Original poster
LuckySalem · 03/06/2008 22:21

I will read through again in a min - am just on the phone. Just wanted to say thanks for everything you're saying.

OP posts:
GreenElizabeth · 03/06/2008 22:31

Well I'd love to be a politician but I can only counsel somebody when I really feel.... I have been in her shoes.

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