To think most people offer a brew as soon as visitors arrive

[CoheedandCambria]

Light-hearted

If I'm going over to someone's house (invited), most people I know will offer a hot drink pretty much as soon as I've walked through the door. And I will do the same if anyone comes over.
This is the proper way isn't it?!

Whenever we go to PIL we have to wait aaaaages before we're offered anything and recently we only had time to pop by for just over an hour and we didn't have owt moist!

YANBU - a brew as soon as you're over the threshold
YABU - patience is a virtue

It is basic good manners to offer refreshments to anyone visiting or working at your home. I never drink coffee or milk but I always have them in for others.

I like tea but I can't say I'm desperate for one as soon as I enter someone's home so no it doesn't bother me. I'd happily go a whole visit without a tea.

I don’t drink any hot drinks or have milk, neither does my DP.
My two best friends and my sister don’t drink them either. I mainly drink Diet Coke or fizzy water and one of my friends is the same and we have a soda stream each, my sister and other friend carry water bottles.

I offer wine or other alcoholic drinks in the evening and snacks but I’m out of the habit of doing it for other guests.

When you don’t drink hot drinks you are rarely catered for, everyone offers tea, coffee or squash and if I go somewhere that offers refreshments like a meeting or the hairdressers it’s always the same. I take Diet Coke or my soda stream bottle everywhere. Because of this I order forget to offer them to other people but I offer an alcoholic drink straight away!

I bought a jar of coffee once and it went off because no one had any, I know this is unusual as I’m in my forties.

I always put snacks out like cheese & biscuits, crisps nuts and olives but don’t think I’ve ever bought biscuits.

When I had a new kitchen put in I did try to make tea for the kitchen fitters on the first day and bought tea bags, they told me they would make their own after trying it and only had a few sips 😂. I made them a plate of sandwiches but no biscuits, am I a terrible host?

That’s horrifying!

Tea or coffee is the objectively right thing to offer - or water of course.

Diet coke is absolutely no substitute or equivalent to a hot drink. Shameful!

Families vary widely in their norms and ideas about guest vs make yourself at home behavior. In both my family and my DH's (one American, one British) it's actually a bit unwelcoming for lack of a better word to treat close family members with formal guest manners, and close family members don't ever expect to be hosted in that manner. The idea of sitting around my PIL for an hour and not just saying "I'm going to put the kettle on, who wants a cup?" if I was interested is absolutely wild and unpleasant to me. Similarly, I wouldn't invite myself over as a guest in most situations but with family I'm perfectly comfortable saying "We'll be free on Saturday afternoon and would love to stop by. Does that work?" And of course welcome them to do the same.

It seems like your PIL and you aren't on the same page on this.

Unless someone has invited me specifically for coffee or a meal or whatever, I don’t expect refreshments.

In France you don't. You would offer water if it's hot, although it wouldn't be uncommon to expect visitors to ask for water if they want some.

But after that it depends on the circumstances.

If your visitors are here for dinner or "apéro", you would generally offer them an alcoholic drink soon after they arrive.

You would offer tea or coffee to a family member or close friends if it's mid-afternoon (around 3-4pm), and it's person you usually do that with.

And generally you would offer a drink to someone when you're having one yourself.

Hardly just British people.

I've been in people's homes in a variety of countries and hospitality is fairly international.
Generally in hotter countries I've been offered cold drinks first, but always offered a drink.

I need tea at all times and would have to ask.

I don’t drink hot drinks and tbh rarely drink fizzy drinks. I just grab a water when walking by the fridge.

So no I don’t offer unless it’s a warm day / long visit and then it will be a can from the fridge.

I’ve talked about this with a friend before who’s the same and we figured it’s because we don’t but sitting down with having a cuppa so it’s not sit down have a cuppa and a natter. We just sit and natter.

It does seem to offended my mil hugely but she’s been told time and time again help herself. Though we don’t always have milk.

Strangely again if the children have friends round pop is always on offer. Hot drinks just don’t register.

But we are talking about someone just popping in for a quick chat? I am obviously offering people something if they are invited over for lunch or dinner or are spending hours at my house. I don’t actually own a kettle so I can’t put one on.

I don’t drink hot drinks so I do genuinely forget to ask visitors if they want one!

He’s your father in law, why the heck are you waiting to be asked? I’d reach for the kettle myself - he’s family!

But hospitality rules varies. And England is by far the only place I've been where you would be offered a drink as soon as I get in, at all time of day, particularly a hot drink.

Ultimately experiences varies, which I think what that poster was trying to express. There is no 1 rule.

I'm a tea addict and will always put the kettle on as soon as guests arrive. I offer guests a selection of hot and cold drinks, depending on what I have available, but whatever they choose I know I'm having a brew.

Its weird that you made it badly on purpose.

As for 'constantly' forgetting - it doesn't matter what you drink or don't drink, its just being polite. Are you inconsiderate in general?

This thread has reminded me of my lovely mum. She was in hospital for a long time, and we discovered that despite being very, very ill, she was hoarding biscuits/chocolates that visitors brought her so that she had something to offer the next visitor when they arrived 😭 💔

I always offer, time of day, weather appropriate, drinks and snacks to anyone who comes to my house but this thread reminds of the joke/saying that you know someone really despises you in Ireland if they say, “you’ll have had your tea?”

My MIL offers hot drinks in strict alternation approx every hour.

Within 5 mins of arrival/waking up - tea
Then coffee for a bit of caffeine
Then tea to rehydrate
Then coffee for a little pick me up
Then tea while you have a sit down and a rest
Then coffee, possibly made in a slightly different way this time or with different beans, for interest
Then tea because we might be getting into the lapsang souchong time of day by now
Etc

I love my MIL!!

100%. And if you’re not a tea drinker sure there’s always coffee, hot chocolate, coke, 7-up, mi wadi or god forbid a glass of water.

I’ve been in America for 15 years, and still
offer drinks within a few minutes of
someone coming. The difference here is that people rarely want tea (though I have it) and in summer everyone asks for cold drinks. I couldn’t imagine sitting around for an hour and no one even offering a cup of tea or glass of water.

Offering a drink is the norm in our house and with mine and DH’s family too.

I usually offer a drink of some kind when people arrive, yes.

I can't vote though as I can't say the word "brew" or "brew up" without vomiting 😜

I don’t drink tea or coffee but I always offer them as soon as someone arrives. I’m always thirsty myself when I arrive somewhere so I wouldn’t want to leave a guest potentially thirsty. Plus the whole hospitality thing in general.

"want a coffee" is used instead of "hello" in this house!