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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seeing people with my baby boy without my partner

90 replies

joelm1776 · 03/10/2025 16:15

Hi,

My partner doesn't want me to take our baby boy to see friends/family without her. Our son is 9 months old and healthy.

She says that it is 'nothing personal' and that she feels the same with everyone e.g. doesn't allow her twin sister to have him unsupervised, but I feel that as his father, I have a right to take him to see my family without her.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 05/10/2025 07:31

Dis she have MH issues? This seems very strange and as if something is missing. Should ease off in time though.

autienotnaughty · 05/10/2025 07:31

I’d say to her this is an unreasonable expectation but you understand it’s coming from a place of love . Tell her you will start small and build up to help her get use to it.
Does she visit people without you?
is there other concerns about her anxiety ? Would she benefit from therapy?

Darner · 05/10/2025 07:32

By 9 months, this is so odd and unreasonable, I’m thinking she must have some sort of anxiety/mental health issue going on.

TheCurious0range · 05/10/2025 08:01

I think it depends why she isn't going. If she's not going because she doesn't want to put has to work etc fine take him. If you want to take him alone because your family refuse to have her in their house I see her point

Strawberrryfields · 05/10/2025 08:14

My first thought were overbearing family who’ll ignore any rules and you won’t stand up to them? Maybe she’s not giving a clear reason as she think that might offend you?
But I do think she needs to explain, it’s not fair to just say no with no justification. Even if her reason is she’s simply not ready to be apart from him for longer periods yet.

WalkDontWalk · 05/10/2025 08:22

ButSheSaid · 03/10/2025 18:14

Adults don't get to 'let' other adults do things though.

…yeah, they do. I agree that in the best possible case full agency should reside in each adult, respected by all other adults. Totally on board with that.

But, in practice, adults do get to ‘let other adults do things’. Happens a lot. You’re very fortunate not to have encountered it.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 05/10/2025 08:35

Why are you talking about it being your right? It sounds as though you’re trying to do this to prove some point. What is the rest of your relationship like?

itbemay1 · 05/10/2025 09:06

Controlling behaviour. Put a stop to this now before it escalates. Totally unreasonable. You’re the father and have as much rights as mum.

Searchingforananswer2023 · 05/10/2025 09:13

joelm1776 · 03/10/2025 16:15

Hi,

My partner doesn't want me to take our baby boy to see friends/family without her. Our son is 9 months old and healthy.

She says that it is 'nothing personal' and that she feels the same with everyone e.g. doesn't allow her twin sister to have him unsupervised, but I feel that as his father, I have a right to take him to see my family without her.

Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU and she needs to see someone as this is not right at all.

She should be happy you want to be proactive as a parent and enjoy the break for herself

muggart · 05/10/2025 09:19

if you’re only ever looking after the baby for 1 hour at a time then no wonder that she’s nervous about you taking him for longer to a place where she can’t get to.

is baby breastfed? do you regularly feed the baby and get it to sleep? if you are experienced in feeding the baby and putting him/her down for a nap, then she is being controlling. If not, then she’s correct.

muggart · 05/10/2025 09:21

I put YABU because you haven’t included her reasoning so your post has none of the information needed to make a judgement call.

Bluebottlerecycling · 05/10/2025 09:40

lazyarse123 · 04/10/2025 22:03

Might help the situation if his wife explained her reasons otherwise we're all just guessing.

Show quote history

I imagine that she has explained her reasoning but it is quite interesting that the OP didn’t include it in his post.

I’m always cautious when posters talk about their “rights” regarding children.

The OP has not provided anywhere near enough info for anyone to make any judgements (for or against) the mother’s choices.

He might be a super Dad visiting lovely family members whose wife is just a bit anxious away from the baby.

It might be that the Mum has returned to work and is struggling with that and FOMO re the baby.

It might be every time the Dad is in sole charge of the baby he immediately rushes over to delegate baby care to his mother and isn’t giving himself the chance to develop his own skills and confidence.

It might be that there’s some excellent reason that the mum doesn’t want her PILs having unsupervised access to her baby.

It might be that the OP wants to take the baby to the pub and park the pram in the corner while drinking with his friends and family.

Or perhaps the mother is a horrible, controlling woman (which does appear to the response the OP would like to drive)

I hope there isn’t some poor woman having all these harsh responses stuck in her face saying “MN thinks you are unreasonable”.

JFDIYOLO · 05/10/2025 09:47

Morning, OP. We note you haven't included your why, her why, what lies beneath this yet. Nobody should be saying she's unreasonable with so little background.

And he's not 'my baby'. He's 'our baby'.

Flakey99 · 05/10/2025 16:09

Please tell us what actual reasons she’s given you because without that information, she might well be entirely reasonable in not wanting you to take the baby to visit your family.

Does your family smoke, take drugs or drink excessively, for instance?

lilkitten · 07/10/2025 17:37

A lot of PPs seem to say he must be doing something wrong, but she also won't let her DSIS spend time with the baby either. It sounds more like the mother has anxiety around being away from the baby, not a problem with the OP per se. I had similar worries around being away from my first baby initially, but not at 9 months

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