Hi all,
I am a mum of two dc.
After taking part in a couple of Saturday morning classes it turned out that littlest dd was quite good at two of the sports. It’s not something I was familiar with in terms of training and such, but when the coach’s asked if she wanted to join the squad, and dd seemed keen, we said yes.
It’s been about 4 years now and I am proud to say that dd had only gotten better and won many national championships. That said, I am realistic that this is a child’s hobby and not the only important thing in life and chances of either sport becoming a career are slim. We have carried on facilitating them because dd loves them and loves training. Admittedly, this has come at a cost, both financially and in terms of time and energy as a whole family.
Dh and I had always shared the running around to training and competitions. Until last year when my mental health took a turn for the worse. Looking back I realise I had a breakdown. I was working an extremely stressful job, caring for older dd who is disabled and running around trying to balance too many plates. (The care of older dd falls solely to me as she requires a level of personal care and guidance that dh can’t provide. She gets upset if anyone else does it). At that time, I laid it down to dh that I could no longer sustain the amount of stress I was under and stuff I was carrying. I suggested that little dd give up one of her sports. Dh is much keener for her to continue as he is sporty himself and he is immensely proud of her. So he made the choice to take over most of the admin and running around for these sports. However, I have to say as good practically as dh is, I don’t think he fully understands how bad my mh was/is, and that I have been unable to recover fully, because I have had to carry on solely caring for oldest and working my stressful job.
Two months ago I stated a new less stressful job after my mh dipped again. Even though it’s less stressful, I still work long days and late evenings as I have to balance work with doing school runs and caring for oldest. 3 days a week I’m out at work until 7pm having started straight after morning school run. Dd now trains 5, sometimes 6 days a week. Although dh does the lifts to and from training, I’m still left picking both dc up from school, rushing home and trying to get them fed and littlest ready for her sports. This means that there is not one evening a week where I’m home at a reasonable time or able to just chill and spend quality time with my dc. I’m either working until bedtime or rushing around trying to get everything sorted, fed, changed and packed in an hour after school. Dh then comes straight home from work and dd jumps in the car to get a lift to training.
There is not a single day where we spend quality time as a family and me and dh spend no time as a married couple.
I have explained to dh that I feel lonely and wish we had time as a couple occasionally. That I miss doing things as a family of 4 and that even though I’m not doing the driving to training, I’m still rushing around every evening getting littlest ready or I’m working as I need to keep up with my job in amongst all this. I feel like I will never recover mentally because I still feel pulled apart.
I do feel guilty because I know littlest loves her sports and would be gutted to drop even one. And I feel guilty for feeling like this when dh is also running around facilitating them. Dh seems to forget other important things, which adds to my frustration. For eg he will assume I am doing school runs despite me telling him numerous times I have an appointment or meeting that day. Or he forgets to ask me about any health appointments and how they went, despite them being in the shared calendar. It’s like he has forgotten me and eldest exist, as he is so focused on littlest sport, taking her to training, comps, buying equipment, going to the socials.
I explained to dh that when I start this new job, I think it’s the time to drop one sport, so that I can have one evening a week where I can pick dc up and just be home, not have to rush a meal down her throat etc
By the time I get sorted and dh leaves with littlest, I’m then focusing on caring for oldest and that can go on till midnight as she can’t sleep and needs medication. I am not getting enough sleep as once oldest is settled I then like to have a couple of hours to myself to relax where no one needs me or I’m not running around doing things for others.
when I suggest that I need this evening once a week or dropping the sport dh says yes and then continues to pay for it and take her, he keeps stringing it along and stalling. When we are late getting ready due to it taking longer to eat for example, he gets out the car and is frustrated. But he doesn’t appreciate how hard it is doing all that in such a short time and that sometimes we are running late. Because dh is at work at this time after school it’s only me who can get everything ready for dd to be able to jump in the car when he pulls up.
I kind of feel like putting my foot down and simply refusing to do it. He would then arrive from work to pick her up and she won’t be ready to go. But then I feel unreasonable and don’t want to let littlest down.
AIBU to just not do the sports prep anymore