Do you have a best friend/best friends?

[Margaretbaxter]

I don't, just want to know how normal this is, I'm mid 30s.
I have a friend/former colleague, some days we text a lot but then if she's busy I hear nothing for a few weeks. We live close by and I see her once a month on average.

I have another friend who I text with most days, she's also local but I only see her every couple of months.

Aside from this, I don't have any friends I regularly talk to. I do have someone I consider a good friend, I don't hear from her often but it's completely understandable as she has a range of physical and mental health issues including a personality disorder, so I completely understand why its sporadic.

Other than this, I am usually the one to reach out, I get polite responses but they aren't ever the ones who reach out first, and they will stop responding. I am the one who arranges any meetups unless it's a large event.

This makes me sad, I don't know if this is normal. I get people are busy but most people seem to have a group of close friends they can rely on.

I just think if I had very big news, I wouldn't have many people to share it with. I have tried to make new friends, but making closer friends is tough. People just don't text back or get in touch.

I don't use the term best friend tbh

but I have a very good friend that I've known about 30 years.
We meet up a couple of times a week, coffees, theatre, cinema, walks etc. Sometimes we go to each other's houses etc.
Last year we spent Xmas day together.
Sometimes I call her my sister from another mister.

I understand this. I have a best friend from uni days and we're still really close and message frequently but she lives elsewhere and has obviously developed other close connections over the years. While I have other close friends and colleagues I can be real with, the closest now are probably my husband, mum and sister.
Some mums on the school run have become really close which is super sweet but hasn't happened to me and I don't mind.

I don’t understand the politics of having a best friend - how do you know? Who decides? What if one party thinks the two of you are best friends but the other doesn’t?
I mean, I have friends I’d contact in preference to others in dire straits, and friends I’ve known for a long time, but I couldn’t say any one of them is my best friend.

I have six close friends, of those three I see weekly and the others monthly due to distance. We all know each other and are a friendship group of 25 years, although two I’ve known 30 years, and some of the others have known each other longer. We message on WhatsApp at least 3 or 4 times a week too. I have another two friends who I see every other month who I’ve known for 25 years too, but who live an hour away. I also have a friend who I see maybe three or four times a year but speak to every other week. In addition I socialise with a couple of my neighbours. I have put a lot into maintaining female friendships as I have a small family. So I’d say I have ten close female friends and two male friends.

I have plenty of good friends but I don’t talk to them every day or even every week. But they are people I do make an effort to see in person, am comfortable talking to about personal issues and share big news with. These are mostly uni friends and one former colleague. I am also still friends with a group from school.

I have 3 women who I've been friends with since school, we all have busy lives but we try and meet up for a night out every couple of months, we message sporadically.

I also have a close friend who lives abroad and we don't talk very often but when we see each other in person it's like no time has passed.

I don't really have anyone I see and do things with regularly, maybe my mom and daughter actually and my husband obviously

I'm 27. Haven't had a best friend since I was probably... 16 or 17. Maybe. My best friend is my partner.

I have one other friend who I've known since we were in year 4, and we're the type of friends who can always pick up a conversation where we left it even if we haven't spoken for a year. But I wouldn't say we're best friends.

I don’t have a best friend as such but I have a group of best friends, who I see as a group maybe once every other month face to face (we all live in different locations). We’re in regular contact by other means between those dates.

I have close friends and good friends. We are all people who understand that messaging and meets may be sporadic but we have a solid friendship. I think in friendships it’s important that energy and expectations match. I never expect more than I put in.

I have two sisters and a cat. They are my 'best friends'
I know lots of lovely people but they are neighbours, acquaintances or clients. I don't have any 'friends' but I'm happy with that. I'm also mid-30s

My best friend is my husband. My oldest friend is my ex-boyf who was also my first boyfriend (we met in 1997 so 28 years of friendship). I just prefer the "transparency" of men over women I guess. I do have a small group of female friends but less close ones.
I'm 44.

I have a best friend that I've known for 32 years. I count down the days till I can see her (every few months) & always feel sad when I leave her. I've spent weekends with her where we've barely stopped laughing and we can talk to each other about anything. She sends me lovely cards at Christmas & birthdays & thank you cards telling me what a wonderful friend I am but, honestly, and I've only recently realised this, I'm only a wonderful friend to her because she deserves nothing less from me. She brings out the best in me & I'm not like that with my other friends, I feel I'm a bit more guarded with them

No. Several good friends. I think the concept of a best friend is childish, hierarchical and dangerous. I always flinch a bit when someone mentions their best friend.

I have two close friends and then three friends who I am very fond of. I would definitely tell them any good or bad news and I feel privileged to hear theirs.
Realistically though, DH is my 'best' friend. He is there all the time, loves the same people as me and we share so much history.

Dangerous 😂
Only on MN

I have a local friend who I consider myself close to, and see once a week

uve also got two other friends and we are all at different end of the country, we have a girls weekend once a year but WhatsApp in flurries

I wouldn’t say I have one best friend, I have three friends I talk to regularly - a pair (we have a group chat as a three) and a separate friend. The pair I speak to on and off all day, we have a laugh and talk about serious stuff too. I think if someone asked me to choose anyone to be my best mates, they would be it.
My separate friend I speak to a few times a week.

I also have a couple of other friends I see separately probably once every 6 weeks. We chat for hours.

So not mountains of friends, but some pretty special ones 😍

I’m feeling tempted to be dangerous and say I have a best friend now.

This thread has made me realise that I actually have about a dozen very close friends that I see on a regular basis and message most days (often multiple messaging on a daily basis).

There are also a small collection of parents from school that I see most weekdays and often go for a coffee or a walk with. I would count them as friends although during the school holidays our contact is reduced but we do still see each and rarely with our children.

My very best friend of all though really is dangerous, if you are a springy toy that bounces down the stairs that is, and has four paws and demanding meow.

I have my best friend of 28 years, class her as a sister. I feel like I can tell her anything without judgement and that's what makes her my BEST friend. Bit cheesy I know but I have other friends and acquaintances but I wouldn't tell them everything as I feel they could be more bitchy and discuss it with others! But I still love them.

I don’t have a particularly close family so my friends are important to me.
i wouldnt say I have a best friend but I have 3-4 friends I see very regularly and could count on, and them me.
And then other friends I see less regularly, maybe once a month, every few months.
always nice to catch up and hear their news.

Yes, I have my best friends from reception still plus close friends from several other stages of life, plus neighbours whom I’m close

I do, but that’s only been the case for around 5 years (I’m mid 40s). I met her at work and we just gelled in a way I’d not with my other friends before.

I meant the implied possessiveness and over-investment. Yes, I do agree that these issues tend to loom especially large on here!

But, to me, the ranking of friends is distasteful and basically unnecessary.

I have a few close friends. But I don't see each one of them often - maybe once a month or once every two weeks. But because there's a few of them that's enough for me.

I'm not sure everyone does have people they turn to. A lot of people (around here, anyway) who seem to have a lot of friends keep friendship very superficial. It's all about being in a crowd, not having heart to hearts or sharing big news.

I have one friend who I turned to a couple of years ago when I had a problem. But we'd known each other for about 15 years before I opened up to her in that way. And she does and has sometimes opened up to me. But most of the time the friendship is very lighthearted.