Do you have a best friend/best friends?

[Margaretbaxter]

I don't, just want to know how normal this is, I'm mid 30s.
I have a friend/former colleague, some days we text a lot but then if she's busy I hear nothing for a few weeks. We live close by and I see her once a month on average.

I have another friend who I text with most days, she's also local but I only see her every couple of months.

Aside from this, I don't have any friends I regularly talk to. I do have someone I consider a good friend, I don't hear from her often but it's completely understandable as she has a range of physical and mental health issues including a personality disorder, so I completely understand why its sporadic.

Other than this, I am usually the one to reach out, I get polite responses but they aren't ever the ones who reach out first, and they will stop responding. I am the one who arranges any meetups unless it's a large event.

This makes me sad, I don't know if this is normal. I get people are busy but most people seem to have a group of close friends they can rely on.

Oh please!
You are being utterly ridiculous.
i have a best friend, who I could ring at 2am in the morning and she would come straight over if I needed her.
I also have friends of over 30 years that I love dearly, but who live far away, but I can also massively rely upon.
Then I have lovely friends that I see day to day.
None of those relationships are in any way dangerous, it’s just the nuances of life.

I don’t have a best friend. Though school, I would have a best friend for a few years, then it would change to someone else. I’ve got several very good friends and if I lived near them, I think we would be best friends, but distance and busy lives mean communication is sporadic.

I'm quite a social person, I make an effort and socialise with lots of people. But I definitely have a best friend. She's the first person I tell if anything is either amazing or fucking awful, I'm very relaxed in her company and we just hang out a lot chatting rubbish. We call each other out if one of us out of order. We've been mates for probably 12 years and I genuinely think we'll be friends still when we're 70. I dont think you need a best friend, lots of good mates is fine, but I wouldn't swap mine for anything

I used to have loads. Old friends from school, work colleagues, friends through children etc.
Then my MH went to shit and I became reclusive and most people just kind of fell away.
Plus my best friend from way back when we were in school died extremely unexpectedly due to an accident .
So now I don’t really have anyone. It’s a strange feeling. I think because I intend to die soon, I don’t do anything about it.

Yes I do have a best friend. We’ve been friends for 11 years now and met through our kids and just clicked. We tell each other pretty much everything and are great confidantes to each other. I’ve never been one for having lots of friends and girlie nights out etc. I’ve always been one to have a couple of close friends. In addition to this ‘best’ friend I have maybe 2 or 3 friends I could turn to for help. We meet up sporadically.

I have four best friends and then a handful of close friends. The close friends I have worked with or they are my husbands friends partners.

My best friends I met through Bumble BFF years ago. I moved back to my hometown and my school friends were married with kids and I found myself single with nobody really on the same page as me. I really luckily got chatting with someone on there, and I got on well with her friends and the rest is history really. We talk daily (via WhatsApp) and aim to see each other once a month. I do feel very lucky to be in this situation and to have great friends.

I always suggest Bumble BFF for anyone who wants to expand their friendship circle. Lots of people feel the same so it’s an easy way to make more friends.

I have friend pockets. Gym friends, dog walk friends, pop out for lunch friends, old neighborhood friends, uni and old school mum friends.. and pub mates, oh a a few online friends.

They are all great but all totally fill different parts of my life at different times and they change over the years.

My mum, DS and DH are the people I consider my closest humans, I’m not sure I have a best friend just lots of lovely people I spend different times with.

I have several GREAT friends and one absolute BEST friend. I know this bothers the weird pp, but my bff and I have been so for 40 years. I adore her and am so lucky to have her in my life.

Yes.

Both 31. Been best friends since meeting at secondary school aged 11. We sat next to each other in one class and just clicked.

We text most days (rant about work, talk about or love lives, families, and any old shit), see each other at least once a week for lunch, coffees, walks or a gym sesh. Will go to festivals, gigs, events together. Usually have a girls weekend/holiday abroad once a year.

Then we’re apart of a large girl group. About 8 of us, been friends since school/early twenties. All in a group chat, have regular meet ups, attend babyshowers, hen parties, weddings, kids parties, bottomless brunches. Go round for coffees, BBQs, takeaway nights regularly.

We all live within about a 10 mile radius of the small town where we grew up. I suspect life would be different if I ever moved away.

You sound like you are struggling. Please go to the gp and reach out for help.

Oh I’m under the MH team. They can’t really help me.

No.
I have lots of friends. Some are relatively recent friends and some I have known for 5 decades or more, but I don't rank them or choose which one is my 'best' friend.
Different friends fill different parts of my life in different ways. I'm fairly sure that works the other way round too.

I don't text / message anyone every day.

I take it you don’t see the hysterical posts on here where (supposedly) grown women fret about their friendships and their place in friendship hierarchies?

And it always worries me when mothers encourage bf (‘bestie’) relationships between even nursery-age children. I think it’s really unhealthy. Everyone is better off being open to a wide range of people and not labelling friends in this way. Someone recently called me their bf and I felt all kinds of emotions - not necessarily good ones! I felt under obligation, embarrassed, sort of ‘owned’ - as if they’d put a ‘sold’ sign on me!

I prefer to have lots of friends and to keep things lighthearted. I’m a great, loyal and kind friend and more social life than I can honestly manage, but I don’t want a bf, thanks. Primary school stuff!

I have several close friends. Two of them I would call my best friend because we have been close since primary school. However, if I was truly stuck/in need of help, the first people I'd call would be my husband, my mum or my brother. So I guess they would be my actual best friends.

I was like you in my 20s and 30s and had friends but no big group or one person I was very close to (and no family). It was lonely. Late 30s me and a friend who used to be a text every week or so friend went through a divorce at the same time. our friendship developed to the extent we now speak daily often for an hour or more (on our daily commutes before anyone asks how we have the time) and we absolutely share the minutiae of life - absolute best friend

I have several close friends who I speak with to degrees of regularity (one we will message everyday, another we share memes all the time as we have same dry humour, another two we tend to ring once a month and have bigger catch ups). I know they'd all be there for me if I needed them.

The thing for me is that all my close friends live a considerable time away (40 mins to 4 hours away) so the logistics of seeing people has to be arranged weeks/months in advance. Sometimes I just want to ring someone on a Friday and say 'fancy a takeaway/going to the pub?'

I have 5 or 6 close friends I've known between 6 - 23 years. Im 48 for context so no old school friends etc.
I don't have a best friend. The concept is weird, as each of my friends have strengths in different areas and I'd never go to just one for everything.

I'm mid 30s too. I have 3 best friends who I love equally. We grew up together and are more like sisters. We stay in contact on a WhatsApp group chat, we phone call every fortnight or so and meet up every few months for dinner and drinks. I also have 2 sisters who are my best friends and 2 female cousins.

Did you have friends at school OP?

Yeah, I think you need a bit of help mate.
SERIOUSLY over thinking it!

That's more than I have. I've had friends over the years, but my friendships don't last. I've got a friend in a different country to me and we email and send cards, but I haven't seen her in years.

I'm just not good at keeping in touch, added to the fact that I'm a loner and content in my own company.

I have always felt like I didn't have enough friends or that I was a loser because I only ever had 2-4 people at my birthday party for example but I have learnt that It is without question quality over quantity!
I am lucky enough to have 4 very close friends who I love dearly and I am extremely lucky to have 2, what I would consider, best friends, they are both so different, have bizarrely never actually met and are without question, the people I would call first with any sort of news. I adore them and do not take for granted how lucky I am.

I have a smallish group of friends some who I see in person and some live away, and from different phases of my life.

I find this suits me because I can connect with different friends about different things. They are all special in their own ways. For me 'best friend' if that means someone who covers all the bases, all the time in a friendship sounds intense and puts a lot of pressure on that one person.

I do agree it is important to have people in your life you can share things with, support each other etc- just doesn't have to be one best friend (or one group of mutual besties) for everything all the time

I hate the concept of best friends. It’s so subjective and weird.
A friend of mine is obsessed about her Daughters having “Besties”
I assume it’s her own insecurity about friendships. It’s created all sorts of issues for the kids.

As I don’t believe in best friends language I’ve never used it with my children. As such, they don’t experience the same dramas that her children do, but they have bigger groups of friends That seems to work out better. I’m not suggesting friendships and life is easy for my children far from that.

good friends, close friends, oldest friend Those phrases are perfectly acceptable and less loaded

I don't really understand the "test" of friendship that I often see on MN being 'I could call at 3am' (or similar).
Frankly, if any of my neighbours, who I don't necessarily know beyond a neighbourly smile and a wave when we are leaving the house, knocked on my door at 3am, I'd do whatever I could to help, because if someone needs help at 3am then they are obviously in dire straits and I'd obviously just help as I am a normal human with empathy. They wouldn't have to be 'close' to receive help.

As I don’t believe in best friends language I’ve never used it with my children. As such, they don’t experience the same dramas that her children do, but they have bigger groups of friends That seems to work out better.

Same.

I have different besties from different stages of my life if that makes sense and we've been through different things together ie work/redundancy/moving overseas/death of a parent/marriage/pregnancy....., although my bestie from secondary school will always be my ride or die! I'd do anything for all of them and LOVE them all to bits, some have met each other but not all - I'd love to be a fly on the wall if they did!!🤔😅