MIL / shoes in the house

[Magicboobies]

We were staying at in laws for a few days. All decided to go out on a walk with the kiddies , pram etc. As FIL was locking the front door, a dc realised they forgot something I asked to go back in nipped in to get it without taking my shoes off. I realise after I should have taken my shoes off (all laminate floors and clean enough shoes, not muddy) but I completely didn’t think at the time.
When I came out the house , MIl was hyperventilating. I asked what’s up and was told to “leave it” and FIL told MIL something like “don’t worry it’ll be ok” and she calmed down and we all went for a walk. I didn’t connect that to me going back in. Few days later when we were home I remembered MIL hyperventilating and asked DH what happened and he said it was because I went in the house without taking shoes off. I feel terrible. DH tells me to not bother. Should I just leave it or ring her and apologise?
apolgosie =yabu
Forget it = yanbu

Id say op is a people pleaser, thinks people can stop liking her if she makes a mistake and can’t stand to think someone is mad at her. Op you need to work on that.

Yes I’ve actually been trying to work on that :D

Your MIL is pathetic. If she can’t deal with a wet footprint how does she cope with all your kids there at all?!

Good shout

Op has already said the shoes weren't dirty. You bring (safe) germs in to the house every time you come in, whether you take your shoes off or not

If it was that much of a problem, someone would have told you there & then. Just let it go

Jesus. She asked today because that's when she asked her dh what was wrong with his mum. Mil needs help it's bonkers to get like that about a non issue.

Her shoes didn’t appear dirty but like you say they still have germs on them. Safe or not safe germs some people don’t like that in their house

@Magicboobies
OP, do you know if your MiL is diagnosed with a mental health condition?
You may not be aware if she is, as she may not have shared it with you.
But she sounds to me like she might have an anxiety based mental health problem and/or OCD relating to germs/bacteria in her home.
This is a mental health condition and the number of posters on here dismissing or belittling her reaction is evidence of how little people understand about mental health conditions and the impact they have on people who suffer with the symptoms.
If she hasn't been diagnosed, it might be helpful for her to talk to her GP about things. To have been hyperventilating, she would have been experiencing genuine fear.
Maybe this is a conversation your DH could have with her, if you don't feel comfortable enough to raise it with her.
I actually think it would be really lovely of you to call her and say you hadn't realised that going in to her house with shoes on would cause her to feel highly anxious. Not to apologise for what you did, as you didn't do anything wrong, but to simply explain gently that you didn't realise.
People with mental health conditions need to be understood by others. Having mental health symptoms in response to every day events that others perceive to be normal is very isolating and upsetting for that person.
You sound very thoughtful OP.

You and MIL both seem a tiny bit batshit. DH chosen someone like his mother by the sounds of it 🤭

This is so bloody rude.

Was she really hyperventilating? That’s a very extreme reaction.

There are lots of unpleasant replies on this thread.
It evidences that mental health awareness amongst the general mumsnet population is critically low.
Or maybe posters are aware but simply don't care and their posts reflect that.
Or maybe a lot of people who have posted responses on this thread are exceptionally low in emotional intelligence.
It's difficult to gauge which one it is.
Interestingly, there has recently been a thread on how many unpleasant posts there are on MN threads.
This is one of them.

Well it seems she’s got some sort of anxiety connected to shoes in the house, or was just feeling overly anxious already if she’s not used to spending so much time with children and her nerves were already a bit frayed before it happened. Do you have the sort of relationship where you could ring and have a friendly chat? Her reaction is very far from rational, but you have accidentally upset her so it might be nice to just politely acknowledge that and say sorry. Personally I don’t care about shoes on the house because I drive my giant tractor of a wheelchair straight through the front door, so we have hard wearing tiles to deal with that. But we’re all different. While her reaction was totally out of proportion, it seems she was genuinely upset and might appreciate the gesture of an apology.

I would imagine that she had some sort of panic attack triggered by but not caused by the shoe incident. Best left. She might find it incredibly embarrassing to be reminded of the incident.

This.

But I would hope that you would actually tell the person what the problem was instead of having a panic attack & not saying anything. Yes, we need to be aware of mental health issues but people aren't mind readers

Sounds like she was being massively OTT

I can’t imagine anyone being bothered by non- muddy shoes going into the house for a moment or two. Much more annoying if they’d had to wait for you to take your shoes off and on again!

both by the sounds of it

Wow. Did you mean to be so rude?

Definitely this.

Your mil is ott - I would ignore her. Of course it’s normal to be upset if you have accidentally upset someone but since your mil didn’t say anything at the time I think you should ignore. Maybe next time you run in you could say to your mil ‘I remembered to take my shoes off that time!’

if MIL is sooo particular about ‘shoes off in house’, why in gods name didn’t she whip her own shoes off, dash back inside, grab child’s lollipop, step out with a gay smile & conduct the walk.
could be just an attention seeking device 😺… can barely believe I’ve replied lol.

It would appear the DH has a similar taste In women as his father