My 1 year old is perfectly normal?

[LivingOnCoffee567]

I have a 13 month old who has just learned how to walk well and is normally very happy. I live overseas and came home, travelled 21 hours with DD, to come see family. Journey was surprisingly smooth. Staying at my parents who are normally lovely. I'm working remotely for 2 weeks then have holiday so I need them to watch her for a few hours a day these 2 weeks. I came at their insistence that they want to spend time with her, that they want to watch her etc etc. They are retired but young (50s) and fit.

It's only been 2 days (arrived Saturday evening) and my parents are on my case calling her a bad baby, me a bad parent, telling me I'm spoiling her, that she lacks discipline and she must have ADHD because:

• she is very high energy and loves walking but doesn't walk where you want her to
• she falls too much and bumps herself a lot (you have to watch her like a hawk)
• she made a mess at lunch, some food ended up on the floor.
• she briefly cries when you (i) put her in the car seat or the pram, (ii) put a tshirt on her (iii) sees something she wants and can't reach
• she wakes up crying at night (she's teething and she's jet lagged)
• she has really bad separation anxiety suddenly. Well, yeah, in my opinion she's travelled long haul, her dad isn't here, she doesn't know my parents, this isn't her house, toys etc. She needs at least a week to settle, I think.

My dad is in a foul mood and actually left the living room last night and refused to spend time with us.

They both said other babies just sit there and play and you can read books to them and feed them in peace and are nice to be around.

I said they're imagining a much older kid. A 1 year old does not have the capacity to sit and play by herself or sit nicely for books on command (she actually loves it when you read to her but they're interrupting her play to force her to sit down and she obviously hates that).

She also wanted to stand in the bath and my mum forced her to sit and all hell broke loose. My baby loves water normally, all water, and after 2 days with my mum she now hates bath time 😡

I'm pretty sure I'm right but does anyone here have a 1 year old that just sits??? Apparently I was a magical toddler who never cried or caused a mess. They've probably forgotten everything. I've had 2 full days of being criticised now and I'm ready to pack my bags.

This is my parents. They won't spend time with my 2 DS because they're "clearly ADHD or just really naughty" 🙄
Hand hold because its shit. Your DD sounds amazing. Doesn't look like this visit is going to improve any time soon. They have clearly forgotten what LOs are like!

Your daughter sounds super easy and lovely to be around.

I am quite sure some very small babies will just sit quiet but it’s not abnormal to have a more lively one
I see it as positive

Lol. You can't diagnose ADHD in a 1yo so they are being ridiculous. She sounds like a lovely, healthy, happy toddler.

We did always try to get them to sit in the bath though - I worried about slipping over. But on holiday when they're all out of routine is not the time for a relative stranger to be trying to enforce behaviour issues.

Is she tall for her age? I think people tend to have higher behaviour expectations when a child looks older.

Banbury.
Your DD sounds like a perfectly normal 13 month old to me.
Just as no 2 adilts are the same, no 2 toddlers are the same. They develop at different speeds and at 13 months they will be capable of different things. Eg Some will be very steady on their feet so running, some very cautious and others not really walking at all. All can be normal and eventually things will level out. A child that will sit and listen to a story gor longer, may not be such a good walker. A child better at walking mat not want or be able to sit and listen to a story.
Sounds to me as if your parent's expectation of life with a 13 month old is different to reality.

Yup they’ve forgotten. I’d rent somewhere else or go home

Your parents clearly don’t know what 1 year olds are like or are remembering an older version of you (or your siblings) and thinking that you were one at the time.

I think that this visit will help you feel less guilty about not being able to travel home regularly. Your dd sounds very normal to me.

@BertieBotts Completely agree!! DS is a tall child who was an earlyish walker (10 months) and took to talking very quickly 🙄
People have always had ridiculously high expectations of him.

One of my daughters at that age would have sat with you all day if you chatted to her and read her books.

The other, her twin, rarely sat down while she was awake and wasn't interested in books until she was about 4 and a half.

I spent many days of their early lives trying to talk to the one kid while I chased the other one round the park 😀

I'm approaching 50 and I think I will be fine but see if my kids bring home their babies (in like 10 years... they're just teenagers) and my husband shows this sort of lack of memory on exactly what it was like looking after a baby/toddler he'll be getting corrected at the earliest opportunity!

I found GP develop selective memory when GC arrive.

Yes this!! My 18m DS could pass as a 3 year old and the amount of comments I get when he’s having a meltdown because people just expect more going off how he looks. Drives me absolutely insane

Sorry, your parents´s list of what´s wrong with her made me laugh. Perfectly normal 13 month old. Reason with a 13 month old? They clearly remember older kids...I am 51 and my child is 7, for reference.

Your dad has forgotten what toddlers are like and the fact they are all different. She sounds fine to me.

@BertieBotts I would agree with this. My little boy is 17 months, tall and 97th percentile and I definitely feel this

Mine sat there and played quietly until they learnt to be mobile!!!

I would take delight in telling your parents that DC wasn’t like that/didn’t to x until you dragged them away to a complete new place and subjected them to grandparents they don’t know and don’t have the patience or understanding to get to know her.

Thanks all. They're insisting that baby should fit into what we want to do i.e. long walks, long restaurant outings and that I'm being ridiculous when I say I think we're just making life difficult. We go out with her ALL THE TIME but restaurant meals must be a max of 45 minutes. We go for long walks but we stop for all kinds of things.

I reminded them they only had one child and if I was so easy, why did they only have me? They were very, very offended.

@LivingOnCoffee567 do you think you've been a bit naive? Expecting two middle aged strangers to your lively baby to be up to caring for her for several hours a day straight off? To me 2 weeks holiday first while they got to know her and her ways and routines with you, then the 2 weeks wfh while they cared for her would have stood a much better chance of success. Not sure if it can be resolved now really unless you can juggle your work schedule.

@Seelybe I agree that would have been better but the dates didn't work for them and my work that way. I'm not working 9 hour days, it's a couple of hours here and there anyway. And they insisted they were up to the task.

I personally wanted to bring the nanny with me but my mum was very offended by that.

Can you ask the Nanny to fly out and rent somewhere nearby?

Or at this point, just go home (to be fair, I would in your position)

I’m in my 40s and can’t abide long meals in restaurants so I can’t imagine expecting a 1 year old to cope! Your DD sounds fine, they sound like they’ve forgotten what very young children are like, especially when plonked in a new environment with people they don’t really know

Baby sounds perfectly normal and I’d be livid if my parents talked about my baby like this and refused to be around her!!

Yes your child is perfectly normal.

As to whether they are neuodivergent, probably too young to tell. But if they were, they would still be normal.

I'm a grandmother and I can't tell you how excited I would be in their situation. I certainly wouldn't be slagging off the baby! For god's sake, what are they thinking of? How likely is it that you'd want to visit again?

Ha, no. One year olds do not just sit around. She sounds perfectly normal and lovely and your parents sound totally unreasonable and grumpy.