My 1 year old is perfectly normal?

[LivingOnCoffee567]

I have a 13 month old who has just learned how to walk well and is normally very happy. I live overseas and came home, travelled 21 hours with DD, to come see family. Journey was surprisingly smooth. Staying at my parents who are normally lovely. I'm working remotely for 2 weeks then have holiday so I need them to watch her for a few hours a day these 2 weeks. I came at their insistence that they want to spend time with her, that they want to watch her etc etc. They are retired but young (50s) and fit.

It's only been 2 days (arrived Saturday evening) and my parents are on my case calling her a bad baby, me a bad parent, telling me I'm spoiling her, that she lacks discipline and she must have ADHD because:

• she is very high energy and loves walking but doesn't walk where you want her to
• she falls too much and bumps herself a lot (you have to watch her like a hawk)
• she made a mess at lunch, some food ended up on the floor.
• she briefly cries when you (i) put her in the car seat or the pram, (ii) put a tshirt on her (iii) sees something she wants and can't reach
• she wakes up crying at night (she's teething and she's jet lagged)
• she has really bad separation anxiety suddenly. Well, yeah, in my opinion she's travelled long haul, her dad isn't here, she doesn't know my parents, this isn't her house, toys etc. She needs at least a week to settle, I think.

My dad is in a foul mood and actually left the living room last night and refused to spend time with us.

They both said other babies just sit there and play and you can read books to them and feed them in peace and are nice to be around.

I said they're imagining a much older kid. A 1 year old does not have the capacity to sit and play by herself or sit nicely for books on command (she actually loves it when you read to her but they're interrupting her play to force her to sit down and she obviously hates that).

She also wanted to stand in the bath and my mum forced her to sit and all hell broke loose. My baby loves water normally, all water, and after 2 days with my mum she now hates bath time 😡

I'm pretty sure I'm right but does anyone here have a 1 year old that just sits??? Apparently I was a magical toddler who never cried or caused a mess. They've probably forgotten everything. I've had 2 full days of being criticised now and I'm ready to pack my bags.

She sounds like my kids when they were her age. I have had friends with babies who were a lot like your dad described, but I don't think it is the norm.

My MIL had babies that were like your dad described which she thought was due to her superior parenting. Until she looked after my DS1 semi-regularly for a while and realised that no, he was just a more difficult baby.

I would go home too call the Nannie and book flights it’s not going to work they have no idea how to care for her and are being horrible about it blaming her.

Perfectly normal. She’s a normal young toddler. They’re dangerous and hard work! Their attention span is very short and their sense of danger is practically non existent. Of course some babies just sit, either because of lack of physical ability or a placid temperament, but it’s not typical at all!

I personally think moving - 2.5 years is the hardest time.

Your parents sound vile and I wouldn’t visit again - she is a normal one year old and sounds lovely

Your parents are being ridiculous.
In the same way that your baby is reacting to new surroundings and routine, your parents are kicking off at their routine being disrupted and different people being in their space.
Have a conversation with them and let them know that you don’t want to hear the word ADHD ever again unless they would like constant concern over the possibility of Alzheimer’s as their memories of babies are atrocious.
Then draw a line and agree to start over.

Your baby is totally normal! Your dp sound like the strange ones, their expectations are beyond strange.

I guess if they can't be trusted to be compassionate to a small child, you will have to take emergency leave.

They'd never see me or my baby again. Of course your child is normal. They are abnormal in the extreme though.

They definitely do! It's incredible all the things I was doing while still in the maternity ward at the hospital - practically putting myself to bed in the crib, folding the nappies to help out, thanking the nurses for caring for me and writing a thank you note to the obstetrician for delivering me - and I am rather astonished the nurses didn't call a film crew in to witness it. Also rather astonished my mum never thought to tell me about it all until I had my own.

So yes, GP do look back with rose-tinted glasses.

That said, some babies and toddlers are easier than others, and I think your DD sounds quite high energy. But the normal spectrum includes high energy toddlers. It may be you were a bit calmer as a baby, that's definitely possible. At least one of mine was really very calm - though ironically I think they might be the trickiest when they get to teen years. Dc are all different and nothing you say sounds particularly unusual to me.

I know it's a frustration that she is now crying about bath time but I don't think standing in the bath is sensible at all I'm afraid. I think your mum has probably lanced the boil for you on that one, and I'd now continue with that rule.

But other than that, she sounds a perfectly busy, happy little creature.

This. My grandchild are just wonderful so far as I'm concerned, I love seeing them, and even though looking after them is hard hard work that doesn't change the fact that they are practically perfect.

Thanks everyone. Happy to report that DD and the grandparents are now very much in love with each other. I had a few late night chats with my parents and they apologised for their language, they said seeing her cry so much and be so all over the place scared them. They admitted they hadn't expected her to be so energetic and anxious to be away from me even for a minute but they also spoke to my dad's youngest brother who has young children and he told them some realities of a 1 year old too.

It helps that DD is now settled, she wakes up smiling and loves my mum's cooking. She's still a little terrorist running 100 miles an hour but that's her 😂 my parents have adjusted and upped their caffeine intake to handle her.

We've also learned that I really need to leave the room for the whole time that I am working, me popping in and out actually unsettles her massively. So I am holed up in the bedroom and whatsapp my mum for food and drinks 😂😂

Ah, good to hear you have all been able to communicate with ech other and sort things out.

I do love a happy ending ❤️

That’s great to hear. Fantastic job all round.

I agree.

OP, she's a baby, for goodness sakes, just over a year old. Your parents have completely forgotten what babies are like.