It’s all such bloody hard work

[Uggbootsforever]

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out?

Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!).

Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes.

Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing.

I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies.

Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later.

I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

This, but I was an older mum and probably - didn't use to think it - confident in taking my own line (even when it came to the health visitor's advice sometimes). Kids never slept in our bed (well virtually never), did low-key parties, I'm sure we're known for buying takeaway pizzas when friends are around. Did a few carrot/cucumber sticks with it but that's it.

But I find the pressure worse when it comes to academics/school - relentless.

It's exactly like that!

it's the last 10-15 years where everything has gone mental.

I did quite like the bed sharing ( to a point) mine always got in in the early hours, up til age 5 or so, but I get why some parents don’t like it if you have wrigglers ( or a sex life!)

That's crazy! £50!

mine go to a lovely fee paying school but even there we all spend about £20 per child. Which is ridiculous as it is

Pick and choose op, definitely dial down lunches, my son has sandwiches, crackers and cheese and if you put a digestive biccies in there you’re the best ever! Birthdays buy presents on deal in bulk from toy shops, last week I did a joke book, yoyo and a packet of sweets- arty child I gave a charcoal set and sketch pad and sweets, sporty 15euro voucher for sports shop. You don’t have to keep up with anyone else- let them look at you and think oh that’s a good one!

Op, you sound really funny. Secretly hoping you go to the same school and we'll eventually find each other in the cynical section of all the ridiculous parties

Oh but realised that you can't be because my sons' school don't let them have packed lunches

This. I breastfed on demand and bedshared for first 6 months - it meant more sleep. After that they were in their own rooms so we had an evening and a night’s sleep .

Your house, your rules. We have a snack once per day after school. I’m pretty strict. Any bedtime shenanigans is met with short shrift. We play board games, have lots of books, they get sweets one day a week (which they can eat all at once or spread out) and “I’m bored” results in extra chores. They’ve turned out to be well balanced kids.

Yes you're pretty much describing my life and I totally agree! I don't know how to fix it though.

I was thinking just the same last night when my 7 year old kept me awake for 2 hours not wanting to go back to their room as they were scared and I ended up sleeping on the floor and my back is now killing. I mean, what the hell!

And it isn't because I was too permissive and co-sleeping etc when they were young, we've always been strict on our bed being ours and having good routines.

I love them dearly but sigh...

I absolutely don't do snacks though, never understood it and my DC know not to ask for them. It means they're good eaters at dinner time at least.

Social media has ruined it! Everyone trying to out do eachother it’s pathetic

My parents neglected me and my needs to meet their own. I didn't do any clubs because they didn't want to help me get to them, I couldn't even watch the 2 hours of kids tv after school as my mum liked Countdown and the other shows on the other channels, or she'd lie on the sofa napping and demand silence, all weekend was spent being dragged around their various hobbies, we never went to the park, they certainly never played with me or my siblings. I never once had a birthday party, and I know I only had one birthday cake because I remember it vividly. It didn't get cut though and ended up on the bird table. No one ate any of it.

I need you all to know that I'm very much not alright as a result of this and I can't stand my mum as a result. We have zero relationship. I'm very independent and super resilient, but not in healthy ways. None of it is good.

I'm cool with watching tv with my son, he watches tv with me too. I used to get sent to school with sandwiches that had mould on the bread - bring on the vigilance for a healthy diet. I love being a mum. Doing shit with and for him is the best bit. So while I understand your perspective and it's your reality, it isn't everyone's.

I’m with you. We have taken a few friends for tea and to something at the theatre or done a day trip by train. It’s not so much different in price to do that for 2-3 kids plus birthday child vs having a party.

I totally understand. Everyone is very disapproving of smacking, shouting, cruelty (not that I WANT or do those things) but equally as disapproving of children who ‘rule the roost’. It’s like they can’t accept gentle persuasion and a hard stare dont get results with 3 year olds

This is my life too.

However, all the Instagram posing has gone too far.

We should all be aiming for somewhere in the middle. No guilt, no neglect.

I have a young dc and I don't engage with most of this shite.
She gets hot dinner at nursery, I don't do snacks. She gets 3 meals a day. She can have a banana or milk.
She goes to the park every night and plays ( I go and supervise). Every kid in our village age 1-12 goes, they run around, have their bikes, play football.
I don't do screentime for her.
And I've not given her a party yet.

You make your own rules.

With respect you have one very young child, who sounds not yet old enough to properly nag or compare with friends

You’ll get back to it. We paused when kids were small as it was too much like Covid but since youngest was 6 we are back to stuff we like adapted to work with them - walking in lakes, city breaks to London, Rome, Berlin & Amsterdam, interrail trip, exploring coast of Denmark (with a side trip to Billund), adventure trip to Costa Rica - all
sorts. Our friends were out in Thailand and Vietnam all summer with their 9 & 11 year old and had an awesome time. We are thinking of going to Brazil next year. I also know people who never stopped going on more adventurous trips.

I agree with you on some points. However, I wouldn't be tolerating a child in our bed. I spent a one or two nights sleeping on the floor in various kid's bedrooms over the years, but it was worth it for keeping our bed for the grown ups.

Idk about the rest, but I work in schools and the lunches you describe are not what I see in the lunch hall! Mostly just prepacked junk food. And the school's in a pretty nice area. I'd like to make my DS healthy, aesthetic lunches, but he's too fussy, so he just gets sandwich/fruit/crackers.

I feel for you and I'll be eternally grateful I've never had any of these useless lumps in my child's friendship groups. My child would probably have been the most unpopular in school, because I don't entertain unnecessarily unruly children.

My daughter is now 16/17 and reasonably sensible, but she also has a fairly low key friendship group, so I'm not even tempted to rise to the competitive nonsense. They buy silly , overpriced stuff but they save to do so, or wait for birthdays and Christmas.

She still crawls into my bed occasionally though, so I haven't completely cracked that one.

You are not wrong.

And we see the results of this 'all about the children' and 'parents treating children like buddies instead of, um, children' in schools. The sense of individual entitlement is HUGE. So many feel they should be able to do what they want, when they want, and not have to do anything they don't want to. And parents support this attitude!

Hahahaha this made me laugh. I used to want to go trekking in Patagonia too. Then I had pre schoolers during a pandemic that prevented travel and then they went to school and holidays quadrupled in price 🤣

I must admit I don’t get the snacking thing. What happened to three square meals a day? Unless a doctor has specified differently for an individual, I just don’t see the benefit of constantly eating. My dentist banned snacking for my kids when they were young.

Thanks! Or if we don’t cross paths - hopefully we will meet more likeminded mums!