To ask how many of you have actually had a good manager?

[ThatGutsyRubyBiscuit]

I’ve been working for over 12 years and thinking back, I can’t name a single manager who’s genuinely had a positive impact on me. Some were outright awful, some were just meh but I’ve never had one I’d describe as genuinely good. I’ve seen good ones on other teams, just never mine.

I don’t have a high bar either. I don’t need to be best friends with my manager or get special treatment. I just want someone competent, fair and who actually wants to manage people but even that feels rare. The only people I know who rave about their manager actually happen to be the ones getting clear favouritism.

AIBU to think most managers either don’t want the job or shouldn’t be doing it?

I've had mostly good. I've also had the devil incarnate who blamed everyone for her own shortcomings.

I had a great boss who believed in me more than I did myself. She nominated me for awards, was so patient when I struggled, was a great coach and mentor and created many opportunities for me. I was headhunted and lured away by doubling my salary and I couldn't turn that down. She tried to talk me out of going but I left. New company was shockingly chaotic and I went back and begged for my job. She told me to stay a month in the new role and if I felt the same to come back and talk to her. By the end of that month I decided to stay in what turned out be a brilliant job in the end. I'll always be grateful to her.

Second great boss was a hard bastard. He demanded the world on a plate and was absolutely scathing if you didn't meet his expectations. I learned so much from that experience that stood me in good stead later. Most of the people who worked for him have gone on to great things. I've a lot to thank him for.

There have probably been more poor bosses than good ones in my career. I know I'm not a great manager myself. I think I've picked up some of the intolerance and impatience of boss 2. 😬

This entirely
I have been fortunate to have good managers throughout my career and I have also been a manager.
You can't be friends with your manager, it doesn't work. You can be friendly which is different.
Managers need to be fair, supportive and consistent. Sometimes that means saying no that doesn't make someone a bad manager.
I agree that people management can be difficult and there will always be people who will be unfair and unreasonable.
Very important that professional boundaries are maintained

This thread just made me realise I don't actually know who my manager is! I'm a Paramedic with ambulance service - we just turn up, pair up with whomever is on the 'orders' (website), grab a vehicle and off we go. There are certainly managers out there I'm sure in an office but they don't have any engagement with the staff on the road, Ive never had any dealings with them (10yrs in now) - I'm sure if I messed up someone would make me see one but honestly have no idea who that would be. We don't really report to anyone just bob along in the job.

If off sick we just leave a message on an answer service and then call back in when ready to come back.

Training is delivered either online - click through a video quickly to tick the box at the end, or by another paramedic on a training day to sign us off on still remembering how to do CPR.

I think it's probably why I've stuck at the role. Whilst we're obviously told who to go see and where they are by the screen on the dash , and obviously turn up according to the rota - the rest we are left to own devices.

I have only ever had good managers. Nobody is perfect, and all have had some flaws or blindspots, but they have all been good managers in the sense that they were supportive, interested in my development, valued learning, and set expectations. I have tried to model my own style in some way on all the managers I have had.

I've had about 4 epically brilliant ones (including my current one), some who were pleasant but not really gifted managers and only a few really bad ones. I'm also told I'm a good manager (I'm very good at trusting people, gently coaching them and having their backs; I'm probably less good if the people I'm managing don't perform but try and mitigate that through good recruiting).

The good ones take an interest in their team, have difficult conversations and have their backs in public even if they're a bit miffed in private). They also set boundaries for their teams. I hope you get a good one soon OP, I'm moving jobs soon and I feel quite sad I won't get to work with my LM any more.

Mine current manager can ve a nightmare. Blows hot and cold depending on whatever is happening to/around her. And anyone making a suggestion is treated like tgeyre stupid for even considering it. IE it's either "d-uh, well, obviously!" Or "why would you think THAT would work?". Fortunately I realise she does it to everyone...

I’ve had several over my decades as a social worker - some that could be described as excellent; quite good, just good enough, awful and utterly atrocious. Makes no odds to me, as am so long in the tooth I am head down, balls deep into my own case load regardless. To be fair by 5 years on the tools most colleagues ‘manage’ themselves anyway.
what I do know though- hands down with a cherry on top - is that it’s better to be on the right side of a bad manager than the wrong side, and that’s where my investment in their style starts and ends. Works for me.
they come and they go.
I wouldn’t do it for toffee. 5/10k more a year and probably around another 15/20 hours on top of the 55/60 I do already - plus more accountability in a service on its knees and relentless and paranoid arse covering -sod that

I have just left a job with a fantastic manager. I guess respect works both ways, but truly, she was human and became a friend.
I was forever pointing out to my junior colleagues, that are just starting out in the world of work, how fortunate they are to have her as a manager. But they won’t appreciate it until they move on and get a bad one!!! God knows I’ve had some seriously questionable managers in the past and therefore know and appreciate how fortunate I was to get a great one for nine years!!!

I have mostly had adequate managers. I had one manager who may have had some potential at one point, but his manager was a bully, and he didn't have the strength to withstand it. His life was not easy.

I had a director who was excellent- he chaired a mediation meeting and every now and then would stop and say, let me summarise these points, to make sure I've understood them properly. If other people chaired meetings like him, they would be so much more efficient and productive.

I left my last job after 5 months because of micromanagement- he'd not managed anyone before, and I think if he had decent training, he might turn out all right, but it's a start-up and I don't think he'll get it there.

Current manager (10 months in) seems good. I almost cried in my mid-year review, because she didn't want to put me down all the time and is actually interested in my next career steps. Never really had that from a line manager before.

The trouble is, in many areas, people get promoted on their technical ability, and then the next step is people management, regardless of whether they've actually any skills in that - I'm in IT, and everyone grumbles about having yo fo "soft skills training" - usually they're not soft at all. Managing all those different personalities and ambitions (and lack of ambition) and abilities, personality clashes, etc, etc, none of thst is easy.

I remember someone at Dad's funeral saying he had seen Dad at work with some of the more challenging farm workers personslity-wise, and said because of seeing that, Dad was the sort of manager he aspired to be.

I had a really good one in an office when I was in my 20's. I had come from a horrible big corporate company where the HR lady literally sat me down and told me I had to wear make-up in case a client saw me (I was a very junior support role and certainly not client facing). I went to a family run smaller firm and my boss there was actually very strict, but strict in the way a good competent teacher is. She went over everything I did with a red pen, gave it back for me to re-do. I soon learnt what was expected and was able to do everything the way she liked it really quickly. We never argued and she just knew she could rely on me and vice-versa. She also picked nice clients so we always seemed to be fighting for the underdog and winning. Annoyingly she fell out with another person and left, but I had a good 5 year run there.

I've found the opposite to be true. I've had some incredible managers and some truly awful ones. The best ones - a mix of men and women - hands down, all had bags of confidence and/or charisma and were just very 'people-y' people. They just got 'it'. I'd work for them all again in a heartbeat.

The worst ones tended to be those who lacked confidence and were quite clearly dealing with some built-in insecurities. Yet were somehow managers by default. These people would be very good at their actual job - but would have virtually no man management skills at all.

Still quite early days with my current one but so far so good, and the one before her was great - everyone was gutted when he took voluntary redundancy in a restructure.

In the past I've had some who have been perfect examples of how not to do it - one didn't spend enough time with us and had no real understanding of what went on on the ground, was never available and we never had a clue where she was. She wouldn't investigate any issues properly but would form her own conclusions and act on that - inevitably resulting in what I call the "Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic" moment when the truth of the matter ended up staring her in the face and she realised there had been more to the situation all along.

The next one after that was so determined to avoid her mistakes, she went too far in the other direction and became a very strict micromanager, and couldn't quite see that that in itself can be a mistake.

That description is exactly what my former (crap) manager didn't do, to the point that I'm half wondering if we've had the same one (not that I'm going to ask - I'm quite happy not knowing where she is now.) I've often said she was a perfect example of how not to do it. So many people didn't stick out a year that working for her became known as the Defence Against the Dark Arts job.

To be perfectly honest this sounds like the way in which i manage my team, but I don’t know if they’d say I’m great.

Aa a manager, I absorb the gripes about the wider organisation things such as how busy we are.

I try hard to support my team to succeed, I listen to them and advocate for them to those above to fund their development, be super flexible etc… but managing can honestly feel like a very thankless task on occasion. I spend hours praising people - it’s not something we are required to do in the other direction. People can be pretty draining to be honest.

The best managers I had were in accademia. The culture back then (1990s/2000s) was based on "Here are the tasks and they need to be done by our next meeting at X. If you need any support in the meantime you can contact me," This approach is ideal for someone like me as I am a planner and an organizer. I worked at home for 2/3 days a week (long before it became a thing) with no requirement to be at the computer from 9-5. It was up to me to schedule the tasks in my own way so that they were completed on time to the required statdard. Occasionally I might have to work through a weekend or a holiday to complete a presentation. However I got to go to numerous US and European destinations all expenses paid. If you were travelling international it was taken for granted that you took the days before and after you travelled to pack/prepare and recover from the flight. It was all very civilised.

I volunteer in a charity. I have two very good managers I have supervisions with. When I worked for the same charity (as a paid member of staff) I had a very good manager. She is no longer in the position due to failing health. These women have drive and ambition, genuinely care about their staff and care about their service users. I think this massively helps. We are allowed to give feedback on their performance with something called "check and challenge" (calling something out if it doesn't sit right or we dont agree) in a healthy way. This leads to less corridor conversations and we all have better communication. Everyone is made aware on policy procedures and we all support each other. We also have a very big environment on wellbeing and flexible hours due to the nature of the charity - which is fighting back against poverty, helping the whole family. There is always something to work towards, progession is talked about a lot, and training is always given.

I had a fantastic manager for many years. She mostly managed the department & left our workloads to us & listened to our needs. We had opportunities, she was approachable about anything. I ended up as her assistant manager. Brilliant manager.

My manager now is a horror. She works remotely 100% and doesn't train us or offer any development or support at all. Doesn't like me because I refuse to be micromanaged - I'm talking list of step by step instructions emailed on how to comple a task - often I've already seen the email drop in & done it! She'll throw us under the bus to save herself. Didn't like it when I fired back (professionally) & called her out on it. I've been in my role for 18 months and still don't understand the proprietary software as if I ask how to do something, I'm told 'get X to do it for you', rather than showing me how. Now, 'X' has just announced she's going on mat leave early next year. I'm going to enjoy my front row seat to none of us knowing what to do & her trying to throw jobs at us and me saying 'i don't know how'. A good manager is defined when staff want to support them & can do their job unsupervised. I will enjoy watching her fail. Which is sad.

Totally agree !

22 years of work and I'm still waiting to find one....

My career spans over 30 years and many jobs. I have one standout manager who really mentored me. I only worked for him for 18 months or so and I was devastated when he left. He showed me how I could do things and how to anticipate what those above me needed. He was replaced with an utter arsehole who actually shouted at me in the office in front of my team because I was trying for an internal transfer and he didn’t like it. Just an awful human being.
I’ve had bosses who were good, who I worked well with or who told me I was better than I think I am or gave me opportunity for growth but no one like my mentoring boss. I have never worked for a woman though.

I have had about 20 something managers in my career. Five I would say are or were good managers (current one among them).

I agree with the OP that many managers are not cut out to be one. Technical knowledge and skills are the reason many get promoted, not the ability to deal with people.

I find it really hard to respect my Manager. She has narcissistic traits and is a bit of a bully. She also uses passive aggressive techniques to stop you questioning things. She won’t admit when she is wrong and has a spiteful side. I kind of dread every catch up. I like my job though mostly and am hoping she will get restructured out of being my direct boss at some point.

I had a wonderful line manager in my job before I went on maternity leave and then pt after that. Then I left and went freelance and I miss having her calm, encouraging but firm guidance sometimes.

I had 1 amazing manager who essentially mentored me and our entire team to look towards what we wanted to learn and how we wanted to develop
Absolutely legendary woman with amazing leadership skills

I've had some wonderful managers and only one really bad one, but doing a lot of get job got me a promotion! 😂 I do work in an industry where the actual job requires a lot of the same skills as people management which I think helps. I'm on reduced hours at the moment due to a health issue and miss it.
My friend works in a technical scientific field and to progress you end up having to manage people which she detests and lots of her colleagues feel the same