Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

Is that likely if the OP has never been told by the school of any issues?

Unless your child has SEN or medical needs, or you are particularly good friends with the parents, it is really unusual to stay for the whole party in year 3 round here.

Quite a few of DS’s friends had smaller movie/sleepover birthday parties at home starting from year 3 - the ones who weren’t allowed to stay over were picked up between 8-9pm. No parents stayed, obviously.

Even with the bigger parties in halls, about 75% of the parents left for at least some of the party (the ones who didn’t leave were parents of children with serious allergies/diabetes/autism who might need more expert input than their friend’s mum could offer).

Hard to tell the subtleties without being there, but has echoes of a situation I had a year or two ago. Parents had a go at me, spoke to my son without me being there about things he was allegedly doing to their son and ultimately complained to the school that my son was a bully. The school were surprised and said it didn't match their opinions of the situation, but once it was a formal complaint they had to jump through all sorts of hoops. Have since come to believe the issue is 100% with the other child and family. He goes around telling other kids he hates them etc, orchestrates who is friends with whom, ostracises anyone who doesn't follow his bidding, and his parents have continued to point the finger at literally anyone other than their own son, including the teachers! These kids are only 6! Seems there's some violence at home, there's been social services involved and it's a very unhappy household in general. Was horrible to go through it at the time and yes at the moment they spoke to DS without me there I was livid!!! School were already involved due to their complaint, plus we knew we were moving at the end of the school year so we just rode it out. Have never been more glad to see the back of a child! Feel desperately sorry that he's been raised in that kind of environment, can't be nice for any of them, but can't say a single part of me wasn't glad to get away from it.

Schools don't do anything about bullying tbh. Is your son a bully? If yes, then he got what he deserved. Its probably their last straw, all they did was tell your son off for bullying and to stop him. They didn't hit him or apprehend him in anyway.

My daughter only just started year 2 she September baby we went to a soft play party on Saturday with 19 kids from school and everyone parents stayed. We live in a small village and I would say it’s usually the same kids going to all the parties and 90% of the parents are always staying.

When my son and his best friend were 9, a father entered the playground in the morning when the children were arriving and playing in the playground before the whiistle. He picked up my son's best friend and threw him aganst a wall for supposedly bullying his son.

The thing is his son was never bullied. He simply decided that he wanted to be friends with the two boys and tried to force his way into their friendship and followed them around all the time. They just ran away from him. The school confirmed there was no bullying at all. I don't know what made the father attack the other boy and not my son, they were totally inseperable.

The victim's parents did go to the police but didn't press charges. The school took no action against the attacker, I felt that they should have banned him from the school grounds as they had done other parents for much lesser issues. Unsurprisingly my son's friend was removed from the school at the end of the year. I removed my two a year later for unconnected reasons.

Oh well they didn't hit him so that's ok then?! You can just go around having a go at random kids in public when you're someone's guest. Bloody hell.

Primary schools do LOADS about bullying actually and take it very seriously when it actually is bullying. It has to be reported to governors and ofsted look at it when they come. The problem is lots of 7 year olds think having a disagreement or a child chosing not to play with them one lunchtime is bullying.

Why were you not supervising your child yourself at the party?

is he bullying the other child?

I think it's unacceptable what they did, they shouldn't corner a 7 year old and have a go at him. They should know better! Hope your Son is OK OP.

Because he’s in year 3? And he’s clearly given no indication that he needs op supervising him or she’d not have left him on his own?

Isn’t it normal that year 3 kids are left at parties under the supervision of the birthday parent?

Because the child is seven and old enough to be left for an hour while he’s at a party supervised by the birthday boy’s parents. And it’s unknown if OP’s son is actually a bully. She doesn’t know at this point, which is pretty clear from the thread.

Really??? What has happened that adults need the police to sort this out??

FFS read the thread.

Not even a mention of you asking your son if it’s true he’s been bullying their son. It’s all about your son.

Regardless of the background, I would not want my child spoken to aggressively by another adult without my permission and awareness, perhaps with exceptions for school or police. Every adult with their own child surely knows that it's just wrong to approach someone else's child with anger.

Not on MN apparently. It’s a lack of responsibility which you pass on to your child, therefore making them a bully 🙄

Sounds like your son has caused their children great distress, they shouldn’t have done it the way they did, but you need to ensure your child no longer bullies others.

Wild, isn’t it? There was me thinking that ‘dropping and running’ was a completely normal part of the child’s social development.
Who knew that people were still accompanying their teenagers to parties these days!

OP needs to establish that he actually is a bully before she ensures he no longer does it don’t you think ? ‘Sounds like’ isn’t enough to accuse him of something he very well might not have done. Better to approach the school and establish the actual facts first.

Yes, it’s all about her son. Two grown adults cornered him and yelled at him for something for which they apparently only have their own sons’ word. I don’t care what he did or didn’t do. This is not the way to handle it.

You really need to get to the bottom of this but also stop leaving your child at birthday party’s with strangers like these you don’t know who they are properly and shit like this could happen and I don’t think your son would like it if you left him again

How on earth do you know that the child is a bully? The OP needs to speak to her son and the school teacher to find out the facts. Two adults cornering a child and bullying him is absolutely not the right way to tackle things even if @Rosie5832's child is bullying others.

The school won’t get involved, because it’s an out of school private dispute.

But of the OP’s son is bullying the other child at school then the school absolutely should know about it and intervene.

Red flags that stand out:

1. OP is only angry about the behaviour of the other parents and 100% defensive of her own son. Made absolutely no attempt to clarify if he actually did something that maybe have been perceived as bullying.

2. Arguments at that age are usually trivial but there are almost always two sides to the story. Finding out the motive and disciplining your own child is the first priority. Not sure why the school needs to be involved if he is the alleged bully. Why does the school need to keep him "safe"?

3. The other parents were out of line to do that at another family's party, but it also makes no sense for two adults to gang up on a random child who genuinely didn't do anything. OP is making it sound like they picked him as a random innocent target entirely out of thin air.

4. From a previous thread, the son comes from a broken home with separation around 2 and divorce at 4. He stays 7 nights in OP's house and presumably the other nights with his father. Both parents work full time. Obviously many children in the same situation are resilient but it's not outside the realm of possibility that early life ACEs would cause behavioural issues that the OP is not revealing.