Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

The OP hasn't even come back to explain. Rage baiting.

Yeah this too! Almost certain the OP doesn't intend to return.

I’d be really fucking cross that a pair of grown adults had ambushed my child when they knew I wasn’t there. No matter what he’d done. He’s 7 ffs. Approach the parent, not the child when you know he’s on his own - that’s cowardly.

Of course the school needs to be involved. Where else would the alleged bullying be occuring? And of course OP’s son needs to be protected from this happening again with these adults.

It’s entirely possible these people are absolutely batshit as evidenced by the large number of posters who found themselves on the receiving end of awful treatment from the parents of kids who turned out to be the bully themselves.

And lastly, what a sad little life to have done a deep dive on op. And insinuating her child might be a bully because he’s a product of separated parents? Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

1. She's going to speak to the school.

1. Because the bullying is presumably happening at school. How is OP going to fund out if her child is bullying unless she asks the school? Also schools have to keep all children safe.

1. Yes it makes no sense and there is no justification for it.

1. So you are suggesting that children from a "broken home" (hideous phrase) whose parents work full time- which is pretty common in this economy have behavioural problems? Charming.

You think that every single 3 year old is capable of emotional and behavioural self-regulation, and those that aren't, deserve to be scolded?

I mean, one toddler hitting another toddler is unpleasant and if he's in the habit of doing it he needs support NOT to. But ... three years old?! FFS, have you MET any three year olds? Or are the ones you know all sitting around discussing Aristotle?

The other parents were totally out of order on several grounds:

Disrupting another childs party to make a totally unrelated point is unreasonable and putting other children in an atmosphere of fear. Secondly, if your child has an issue with another child or tells you they are being bullied, depending on the circumstances, you need to be speaking to either or both the parents and school and NOT the other child.

What the other parents have done, is gang up and bully a lone child who would be totally intimidated by the two adults and unable to defend himself. This cannot be framed as the last desperate act of parents whose child they believe is being bullied, it is the act of adult bullies.

I'm assuming that this is the first you have heard of your child being accused of bullying? If this is the case, speak to the school and ask for a meeting to get to the bottom of the allegations and tell them how it came to your attention. Do this urgently.

OP never coming back then. Lot of that lately 👀

Depends on the type of bullying (if true) imo, some kids can be absolutely vile.

Rage baiting.

A mum did this to me when I was 5 or 6 and I never forgot it, it really upset me. Cornered me in the playground at morning drop off, after my mum had left. Now I’m a mum myself I can’t believe she thought it was appropriate.

I remember that her daughter and I didn’t like each other because we both wanted to be friends with the same girl. My friend tells me I’d do stuff like not throw the ball to the other girl if we were playing a game. Admittedly unkind, but if it were my child on the receiving end, I certainly wouldn’t corner a tiny child over it - I’d have a chat with their mum or a teacher like a normal person.

Anyone who does stuff like that is severely unhinged. So sorry OP and hope your little lad is alright ❤️

Fully support you, a few years ago a very traumatic experience happened to my family, due to one parent very vocalally deciding my child was the Devil and spreading their views not facts around their group,the appalling treatment received has effected us all greatly, they are children most adults deal effectively with this sort of situation unfortunately the actual bully adults show their true colours and end up being the bad adults. Non bullies wouldn't dream of accosting children and their families.

Yep!

Don't leave him in future.

Sometimes people are such adult bullies it doesn't matter if your there or not

It is what people do who have been conditioned by the ACEs model that means any upset in childhood means you are destined for utter shitness for the rest of your life which is:

A) bullshit
B) abusive to the child
C) the reason why ACEs have been withdrawn over 5 years ago because they were harmful to children to tell them that.
D) Shows how people do not understand trauma.

What a huge safeguarding red flag and a massive lesson for you!!!

Yep, again!

Fed up on here atm.

Don't waste your time commenting anyone reading now. OP is so concerned about her son that she hasn't bothered to return.

I suspect that will have changed by the end of year 2. At the beginning, yes some children will only recently have turned 6 so more likely that parents will stay.

DS’s birthday is around Easter, so half the kids were 7 and half were 8 in year 3. Plenty old enough to be left at a party at a friend’s house for 90 minutes - that doesn’t make the parents “lax” (not sure if it was you who suggested that).

Not necessarily. I've witnessed a loud aggressive boy pushing another around in a school setting. The quieter boy told the bully that he didn't want to play with him anymore and the bullys parents said the quieter boy was bullying their child by exclusion.

Yes it's often the adults that are the actual bullies that create a situation, the poor children who genuinely normally get on or sort it out by self policing end up suffering

Literally 😂 she cares so much

Total sidebar I know but I've just had a Google of this and it puts divorce on the same footing as various kinds of abuse which is just mad!

??

To be fair there have been some pretty unpleasant replies and OP’s who aren’t used to the combative nature of AIBU tend to abandon early. I’ve seen a lot of OP’s leave their own threads after posters have picked up on irrelevant details and totally derailed the thread by pursuing them relentlessly.

To some extent that’s happened here. Posters asking why she left him at the party and scolding her for doing so. And even more posters assuming her son is a bully and scolding her for not taking that more on board - despite the fact that this incident only happened a day ago and she clearly had no knowledge of anything amiss prior to that and is speaking to the school.

I'd have walked away from the thread too. Virtually no-one has adressed the fact that two grown women have verbally attacked a lone seven year old and ruined an unrelated child's party.

I don't believe that a single parent on this thread would accept that happening to their child (or be okay with these women ruining their child's party). Yet the vast majority have ignored the actual incident and laid into the OP with their own agendas.
There really is no point in OPs coming back to this kind of thread.