Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

@SunnySideDeepDown
Why is the OP “lax” for leaving her child? There may not may not have been very good reasons - other than, for instance her son and the birthday boy regularly attending parties or play dates without both sets of parents bringing present (as “best friends” might) or she may have another child to attend to who was not invited to the party…..

That was pretty normal at DGCs parties a few years ago too.

We have quite a gap between our eldest ones and smallest so have had the ‘joy’ of parties for a fair few years 🥴
The majority of parents have always left them once they’ve left reception and know they can toilet independently etc It was the same when our eldest was having parties 10 years ago, sadly mine have always wanted me to stay 🤦‍♀️😂

I said that he may have done something, but I was very clear that he didn't deserve it. As I said, the parents should have talked to OP.

Sorry,it's been a long shitty day at work and I still have two hours to go

I meant attempted murder

She stabbed someone while on a night out in a fight

She'd taken the knife with her and got pissed,picked a fight and stabbed them for daring to look at her in some nightclub

My daughter was bullied at primary for years - emotional and physical. We informed the school, had many meetings about it, many promises were made and action plans presented to stop further incidents and manage the class more effectively. All the while the behaviour persisted.

I cannot tell you how many times I walked past the culprit at pick-up wanting to shake some sense into him.

Of course, I did not - doing so would have been wrong, just as these parents shouting at this child was wrong. However, it may be understandable.

OP has already spoken with the parents and presumably addressed concerns about their interaction with her son. OP now needs to have that meeting with the school and understand whether there are any behavioural issues, what steps have been taken, and why they had not informed her earlier.

If there is a male partner in the house, this is when he needs to step up - both in interactions with the other boy's parents, the school, and with OP's son.

@lessglittermoremud

I am sorry for your experiences.

I am a parent and I did comment. My point was not that a 7 year old should be “cornered” or anything like that.

My point is that the OP should
focus on establishing what actually happened - what was the chain of events, was there a build up? Etc

You cant take an unattended 7 year old’s word as gospel - OP wasnt there.

She needs to find out what actually happened first.

That was my point.

Even if her son had been bullying their child they had no right in cornering a small child like that to shout at him. Common sense should have told them to have words with the mum not going all guns blazing at a little kid

’They must be desperate to have done that’ - so desperate that instead of talking to the child’s parent, they waited until she had left to corner a seven year old.

Even if OP’s DC is a bully, they certainly had more options open to them regarding tackling it than the one they chose. They managed to make a public show of themselves at another child’s birthday party and effectively ruined it. I suspect the parents who witnessed this, and the ones that will undoubtedly hear about it, won’t be inviting their child to future parties because they won’t want to deal with the same.

Firstly "let's say" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, no, let's not say anything, without evidence. Secondly, great, but what happens if OP does the same - tells them off and sticks up for her child? And brings along her DH and 4 of his burly mates to intimidate them? Does it just escalate from there?

What are we teaching children, exactly? Bullying is wrong or the biggest bully always wins?

People, you are being ragebaited! Notice how the OP has not bothered coming back to this thread and hasn't addressed the obvious questions like what her son did in first place to warrant the intervention.

OP isn’t taking the word of a seven year old. The mother of the birthday boy intervened when they were shouting at OP’s son, and rang OP because he was distressed. The parents of the boy who was allegedly being bullied told birthday boys’ mum that OPs son was bullying their child. These were the adults talking, not the children.

Sorry but this is typical. It’s always the lax parents who leave their kids - and because of said lax parenting, the kid usually has poor boundaries

A 7 year old is in year 3. Are you seriously saying you follow your child around at birthday parties “supervising” them when they are that age? Absolutely smothering behaviour 🤯

I once did something which upset another child at a club outside of school on the weekend.

This was back decades ago but come Monday the parent of the child came marching into school. I saw the mother shouting. Then the staff brought me out to the parent who directly accused me. I did do it but I was only very young primary school and I didn’t realise that the girl would not find it entertaining as I had seen others do it and laugh.

When I look back now I am shocked that the parent was allowed to yell at me while in primary school 😂 I really stuck with me. I never went back to the club out of shame.

We don't know if that is the case. If it was a misunderstanding then those parents are horrible bullies themselves.*

No, the parents are bullies regardless of whether it’s a misunderstanding, whether their own little brat is a bully, (you see, nasty parents like that usually raise horrible children, so the chances of their child being the bully are far far higher than the chances of the OP’s child being one).

I can only assume that the posters on here defending the parents’ right to abuse a small child (and threatening and cornering a child on mass is abuse, it’s not just bullying) are the same types who turn a blind eye to the likes of baby P and any other abused t children who end up either in the system or whose parents end up in prison after their murder.

Anyone who says “but if” after claiming in a sickly manner that the parents were wrong is condoning their behaviour.

They were wrong. The end. They are vile specimens who probably do the same to their own children if they can do so to someone else’s in public.

And yes, whether the OP’s child is bullying another child is irrelevant at this point. if he has been accused of bullying the other child then this needs investigating seperately but the way they have behaved is entirely seperate.

Otherwise everyone could bring in some mitigation for the crimes they commit, and indeed people attempt to do just that.

Wrong is wrong regardless of the apparent reasons.

HelpMeUnpickThis
You cant take an unattended 7 year old’s word as gospel - OP wasnt there.

Yes, indeed indeed you can't, and at the time of the first incident she wasn't. However, the adult who was present and in charge at the event does seem to have been the one who told her what had happened, rather than her son being the one who did so. She also seems to have had the opportunity to observe the aggressive behaviour at first hand when the two adults in question also had a go at her in what the supervising adult described as an "ambush"

Surely what applies to her applies equally to the other parents? They were presumably not there when their son was "bullied", but have taken his unsupported word about that. And their action, rather than trying to find out the facts of the case from any impartial witness, seems to have been to attack a child and then his mother, rather than do what the OP plans to do and try to get to the bottom of it all by consulting with the school.

speak to the school about the incident at the party and take it from there. And obviously, if there is any bullying going on that will need to be addressed as soon as possible. But no way am I leaving my 7 year old daughter at any sort on party on her own we been to two so far this term and have other one at the weekend if I can’t go for whatever reason than we don’t go.

It certainly can be a crime depending on the circumstances. Two adults cornering a small child who is on his own and intimidating him definitely has the potential to be seen as a crime especially if they threatened him, even in terms of ‘you stop it or else’.

At 7 it’s perfectly normal to leave a child at a party.

whether he has or not, two adults can't surround a 7 year old to scold him!

Outside school a parent spoke to my child and was quite upset with her as she accused her of bullying her daughter. When my child told me I rang the parent and as it turns out my DD had been bullying her child, we dealt with it like adults and the bullying from my Dd was stopped.
Two parents driven to tell your child off suggests you need to look into it further.

Sorry but this is typical. It’s always the lax parents who leave their kids - and because of said lax parenting, the kid usually has poor boundaries.

What an absolute load of crap. If dropoff has been invited by the party host then pretty much my dd's whole class has been leaving their kids at parties since Y1 and most of the kids in my dd's school are fairly sheltered village kids. You're a lax parent if you leave a child that you know isn't mature enough to be left but most kids by age 7 definitely are mature enough. It's equally rubbish parenting to suffocate a child and not give them the freedom to explore friendships without a parent breathing down their neck. When are they going to learn to negotiate friendships and situations independently?! I really don't get why so many people are latching on to this detail. It's a total none issue.

What disgraceful behaviour, I would be furious if a parent approached my child in this way, and doing it when you were not present.

When my son was being bullied, I asked my teacher friend how best to approach as I was unsure of whether to contact the parent directly, or the school, and she said it needs to go through the school in the first instance, so I would want the school to explain what their knowledge so far is of any issues between your child and the other child, and if they are aware of issues, why they hadn’t let you know and what actions they have taken so far before it escalated to this extreme incident.

I’d then want a meeting to include the other parents to get them to explain themselves, but you may need to coordinate that yourself as the school may well deem that ‘nothing to do with them’ as it happened outside of school.

I feel sorry for their child as parents may think twice about inviting him to parties in future if his parents are liable to act in such an aggressive manner.

Definitely find out what their knowledge school know and what they propose to do from here, I sometimes wonder how far things need to go before the school see fit to flag their incidents up to parents, my son was assaulted in the playground by another boy which resulted in him being thrown headfirst to the concrete, which I only found out when I collected him that day and saw the injury. At no point did they see fit to contact me about it, or contact the other boy’s mum to let her know what her son had done!

That. These women choose to ruin another child's birthday party with their vendetta. Whatever had gone on re OP's son, who does that?

Anyone who uses the birthday of a totally uninvolved small child to cause a ruckus in their own interests, doesn't sound desperate to me, they sound unhinged.

They had every chance to talk to OP at the beginning of end of the party, but to verbally attack a seven year old so publicly and in doing so trash another child's party, is downright awful.

Definitely. Dd had a whole class party in Year 1 for her birthday and only one parent stayed for a boy who had special needs. I mean I do look back and think thank goodness nobody legged it unnoticed 😂🙈. Maybe I had my mum on the main exit door I can’t remember! The staff to student ratio was probably horrendous and didn’t meet safeguarding ratios 😁